At what point do you decide a friendship isn't worth it?

When you are compelled to act contrary to your convictions and all you hold dear, it isn’t a friendship anymore.

If she doesn’t want to accept you for who you have become and she is not willing to accept your boyfriend then I think its time to stop the friendship.

It may be hard to do but a friend is a friend and she is not acting like one. A true friend would stick by you and not act so selfish.

Why is it “all or nothing”? You can spend less time with them and still be friends.

@johnpowell I think after that level of friendship it is better to just let the person go. You can smile and say “hi” to each other on the streets but at the end of the day do you really want to spend time with that person? Especially one who refuses to acknowledge such a big part of your life? I wouldn’t want to.

Whatever you do, don’t make some kind of dramatic end to it. Years may go by, and then you both may find that what separated you before is no longer that important.

@daloon Great point. :)

I’m assuming you and the friend have talked about how she’s behaving? Why you don’t understand why she can’t be happy that you’re happy? if not and you want to try one last effort to save the friendship, and you can talk like that, I’d try that maybe…
But yeah, I’m sorry to say, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend at this point. And if you’re considering letting this relationship slide away, there’s probably a reason.
Friends should be there to relieve your stress, not add to stress. Your happiness is important!
And I agree with what @daloon said. Don’t make it a big deal, or it won’t go well regardless, and there will be no hope of peace/second try later.

I am kinda thinking what @daloon said. I don’t want to necessarily end a friendship, but the effort I once put forth doesn’t feel quite worth it anymore. I honestly feel like anymore I keep contact with her because it is a force of habit with her and our two other best firends. I can understand friends don’t always agree, but my character throughout the course of our friendship should have said something about my decisions. I don’t decide things hastily, and I don’t do things in malice. Plus, isn’t it my life afterall? We don’t have to like the things our friends or family do, but we love them regardless and accept their decisions. Heck, we make an effort to accept those things too. She really hasn’t, and I can say I have accepted her behavior on more than one occassion I didn’t agree with. Friendships should go both ways, which is why i feel like I don’t want to keep pretending my relationship isn’t a big part of my life. Ugh!

I’ve come to believe that most friendships are circumstantial. Once the circumstances and situation that supports that friendship changes, there’s a good chance the friendship will crumble.

You could work harder to sustain the relationship, but if there’s no effort on her end, you’ll find yourself frustrated.

When the relationship or friendship becomes toxic.

I agree with Daloon that to not end it dramatically. Try and talk to the friend. It would be good to be willing to listen to what she has to say, since you have been close friends for so-long, so that to know why she has behaving the way she has. If she is not willing to accept and working things-out with you, and you see her having the same behavior or attitude as before, then it is time to say “good-bye”. It sounds strange how she is the only one who does not agree with the relationship you have with your current boyfriend/fiance.

I always decide when a friendship is over when lying and jealousy comes into play because that will tell me everything that he / she should not be trusted in the first place.

If it was up to me, I would of kicked that friend to the curve (for good) because sooner or later – she might try to take you’ve got if you are caught off guard.

When you decide it is not worth it.

Pretty simple.

She’s just being a tool, from what I can gather.

I highly recommend telling her to eat some cement and harden the fuck up.

Well, do you ignore her for your boyfriend all the time? If so, that would explain her behaviour. It just seems like there’s something you aren’t telling us.

No, it isn’t about the amount of time we hang out. She has a boyfriend of three years she lives with and is with 24/7, it is simply a matter that my boyfriend is an acquaintance of my ex and she thinks it is wrong to date him on that principle. She was super attatched to my ex cause we were all friends in college, so that is the main problem. We are in our late 20’s too so I think the high school “we don’t hang out enough” is not the issue. Perhaps which is why i think it is juvenile, because at this age that high school drama should be left in the dirt.

I think you may have an ever bigger issue in the future of deciding whether to invite her to your wedding, since she pretends like the relationship doesn’t exist. I would sit her down and have an honest discussion with her, telling her that he will be in your life long-term and you hope that she understands and respects that, and that you want her to get over whatever issues she has about him, because it won’t change how you feel about him and be happy for you! Because like you said, it’s your life and even if she has reservations about your relationship (or whatever her issue is), she needs to be a real friend and not judge and jury.

Sounds like she may be a little jealous of your relationship too. Happens sometimes with friends who don’t like to “share”.

@broncosgirl Oh, in that case, it sounds like she cares more about your ex than she cares about you. That’s really sad. My boyfriend and my ex were also acquaintances. That doesn’t make it wrong for me to be with him. If that’s the only thing she has against your boyfriend, she can just get over it. If you know you’re not doing anything wrong, forget it. Why don’t you just stop contacting her and let her come around when she’s ready to accept your situation if she’s going to be that way?

When it becomes too melodramatic.

The older you get the harder good friends will be to come by.
I don’t know your friend but I am in a similar situation and I am the only person who had the balls to tell my friend her boyfriend is no good for her (remember love is blind!!). So despite the fact that she thinks everyone else is fine with him, her close friends and family do not like him at all and we all hope each day that she does not marry this loser and ruin her life.
Its a definite ‘red flag’ when people that know you and love you disapprove of someone you are with (when you know the people who love you want you to be happy) – is it possible you are not seeing everything clearly?
I have been so close to my friend since before we were old enough to walk and she is a sister to me and I just hope that she realizes before its too late.

I suggest you talk to your friends and family (including the one who has the open beef) and ask them what they REALLY think of your significant other and try to be open minded about their concerns because they likely want the best outcome for you.

good luck

yes its definetely something i have done. Just to clarify, she is the only person in my life who has an issue with him. My parents, siblings, family, and other friends are very happy for me and also like him. If it was several people saying something, I would re-evaluate the situation. But considering she is the only one who has a problem it makes me think she might be the one not seeing things clearly. Thankfully, the animosity has died down a lot and it is not as much of an issue but I still am not nearly as close to her as I used to be, and she doesn’t ask about my life as much. Kinda sad but I don’t need the stress anymore :)