Can you have good sex without a meaningful relationship?

yes i can relate. a few months ago i would have said i can have sex without emotion and a relationship. but now i could not disagree with my old point of view more if i tried.

i’m only 20 and i have never enjoyed sex with someone that i didn’t care about and i don’t think i ever will. i need a connection beyond the physical one. thats that.

I can easily relate, but I’m not sure if we’ve taken the same path for different reasons. I was NEVER able to have fulfilling sex unless the relationship was established and we were friends. Mine was due to trust issues…...“the world is a scary place”, “people are out to screw you”......that sort of thing. I can’t have good sex unless my emotions are there as well as my body. That may just be the female in me. To me, sex without it is as empty as prostitution.

To answer your initial question…....no. I don’t think there’s a damn thing wrong with you. Even if it comes from something not so positive in your psychological make-up, in some ways it balances things out. You’ll likely never be robbed, killed or given a disease from casual sex with unknown persons.

I have, but it really depends on the individual. I think only you can answer this for yourself.

hugging another person that you don’t really know lacks enough appeal as it is already, for me anyway

Yes, I have. I agree that that “connection” isn’t there with a stranger, but I’ve had great sex with friends. The best sex I ever had was with someone I knew well enough and trusted enough that we both felt comfortable to have a one-night thing, and it was really great.

It really depends on the chemistry of the people. The sex I’ve had in relationships is the vast minority to the casual sex, and with some casual partners it’s great, and with others it’s not as memorable.

I don’t see why not. There can be abundant physical chemistry in complete strangers just as there can be between two people who love each other.

@sliceswiththings—You wrote: The best sex I ever had was with someone I knew well enough and trusted enough that we both felt comfortable to have a one-night thing, and it was really great.

That’s what I mean – that I can understand. It’s casual, or one-night stand sex I don’t like. I used to dream about it – go for it, enjoy it – now – I can’t even remember what I liked about it. And it’s not that I’m sexed out or something, nor did I have very much of it at the time. It’s a feeling.

In my day, I had lots of very good, satisfying sex with men I wasn’t in a real relationship with. But, in comparison, the ones I was in love with were better.

No, without some kind of connection it’s… well… just sex… which, alone, is highly overrated.

@NaturalMineralWater LOLed at that – I agree completely – just never thought I’d see it in writing, let alone agree with the statement that Sex is overrated. I laughed.

@Zen_Again My example was casual; it was purely a one-night stand. But his personality and my personality clicked in such a way to have great sex and great post-coital conversation that made for an altogether unforgettable night. We only knew each other a little bit before, but our overlapping views on sex made it possible. I remember exactly what I liked about it.
Unfortunately he moved so it won’t be happening again, as we knew before it happened.

“Meaningless” sex can mean something different for different people who find themselves in that situation…just like sex with a significant other can become tedious or boring after routine sets in.

There are too many different exceptions and situations to define specifically whether good sex can be had with or without love, unless you get all politically moral or religious about it, and we all know that’s a bad turn off.

I’m sure for some it can, and for others, not so much. I’d be hard pressed to really elaborate though, as I’m not exactly an expert in one night stands or what sex with a friend might do in the future…but I’m fairly certain that sex as defined by moral standards doesn’t stop there or encompass anything absolute.

to answer the question, you must first acurately or specifically define the question.

What exactly is “good sex”

if you define it as orgasm, then I will refer you to this instructional video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4

LOL – I love that video

As far as, which is better – sex with a stranger, your hand, or a plastic doll versus passionate love making – all I can say is Duh! Use your head.

At this point in my life sex of any form is dangerous, my wife keeps sharpening her praying mantis pincers.

I like what @Symbeline said, that “meaningful” varies with each person.

Yes! Most difinitely :-)

You might have fun and even have an intense orgasm from masturbating with or without the use of a partner’s body and sexual organs. To have truly awesome (to use an overworked adjective), unforgettable sexual experience, it requires in my opinion. and on the basis of my personal and clinical experience, a deep emotional commitment with your partner. Such a feeling rarely develops at “closing time” at the bar when you find someone attractive enough to take to bed that night.

Who said anything about having orgasms?? Dirty little secret: I LOVE sex, but in three and a half years of having it I’ve never once orgasmed from sex.
For me there are different things that make it good.

I had some pretty damn good sex for a long time without being in a ‘meaningful relationship’, as you put it. However, I may differ a little from you. I regard sex as simply a physical act. A really really fun physical act. Which, in its own weird way, gave those relationships meaning, I suppose. Now I’m just convincing myself out of my own argument.

I’ve had a “friends with benefits” before. Someone to just hook up with. We liked each other as friends, but never considered dating one another. It’s not like we just called each other for sex either. We’d hang out, go to the park, go to movies, go to parties, etc. If it happened, then it happened. There was no pressure to either sleep with one another or not.. it did happen pretty often though.
Your question asks if I could have sex without a meaningful relationship. The thing is, although we didn’t consider being a couple, I wouldn’t call my relationship with him meaningless. We we’re good friends, so he meant something to me. We just… weren’t dating.

Depends on your definition of “meaningful relationship”. I’ve had amazing sex with people I have no dating or love relationship with, but I’ve never had good sex with someone I didn’t feel chemistry with. I think good chemistry and a like of the person is all you need.

Absolutely.

Dude, let me tell you about this one time a very charming Peruvian (lead guitarist of a very popular band in Peru, no less…dreamy, I know) swept me off my feet during a late night tango milonga – leaving me eager for more…so we got together for just one more night before had to go back (trashy novel romance I know) and it was the most intense (sexually speaking) 5 hours of my life (sorry for the language, but I’ve never been effed that hard before or since – not saying it’s my cup of tea but sometimes a person’s gotta try tea) and I laid in his arms afterwards looking around the strange new apartment and at the curves of this stranger’s body thinking ‘this was totally worth it’ as will be randomly leaving to never be heard from again…so I did…we’ve texted a couple times since…it was quite something…

Yes it is possible, I don’t think I could though

@Simone_De_Beauvoir _Feel free to write about these affairs of yours anytime. I will print them out and use them for “future reference”.

;-)

Better than Penthouse letters. Is it hot in here or what???!!!

@Zen_Again heh

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Many people have wicket sex and not have an ounce of connection with the person they are boinking. In the US sex is a mere commodity, a roller coaster thrill ride. I am sure all those athletes and rock gods boinking women through out the tour did not have some deep connection with all those groupies. Many people will talk themselves into feigning there are feelings or some connection so the sex they have with a near stranger can seem like more than it is. Like you, I have discovered that the sex was far better when I had genuine feeling for her; which was not necessarily love but a deep fondness. A fondness good enough where I would consider her feeling and pleasure as much as mine

The bext sex I have is often with someone with whom I have no emotional connection with—which is usually a woman who reads my erotic stories and writes to me and we hook up for fun and then never see each other again.

@HungryGuy Your typo was fun to try to pronounce: bext sex. It’s not easy – one for the Dr. Seuss books.

Nota Beta – post some of your erotic stories for the flutherville to read – please, please.

:-)

@Zen_Again – I’ll send you the link to my stories privately. If I post the link here in an answer, it will be Removed By Fluther Moderators in a fraction of a nanosecond…

@HungryGuy I got it – nearly platzed* – but got it. Thanks, er, I guess. Whew (wipes brow.)

*Platzed – vb. from Yiddish for fainted – but loses epes in the translation.

@Zen_Again Hey! Was it that GOOD!?!?!?

LOL zen again

;-)

Removed by Reverend Lovejoy.

I can have good sex without a relationship but it won’t go very far and being in a good relationship has awarded me with great sex.

unfortunetly for some of us the answer is yes and yyou can end up making a beutiful baby with a woman you can’t stand, but its all good as long as she’s a good mother its no biggie i geuss

I can. But I won’t.
It is simply not me.

I agree with Likeradar….what is your definition of “meaningful relationship?” I do not think that you have to have an established relationship to have great sex…but a connection with another person is usually what creates an exciting experience. A trusting relationship adds the dimension of playfulness, experimentation, and importance on giving pleasure as well as receiving it. I think as you get older, you put up with less BS and raise your standards.