What is it like to work with kids? If one is too "soft," then they would be better off in that line of work, now wouldn't they?

If you’re looking at something llike being a teachers aide or at Nursery school level that may be workable.

But anyone who is actually in charge and responsible for children definitely cannot be “soft” because they will walk all over you and it will be chaos. Kids have a sixth sense about getting away with stuff with a soft person

So, how do I know this ? I worked for years as an Elementary teacher. You have to have an inner toughness and be able to set limits and enforce discipline. If you just want to be their pal they will not respect you.

Being in charge of kids is not as easy as it looks. But if you are someone like an aide or assistant, then the teacher is the one in charge who has to maintain discipline.

It’s not as easy as it looks. But the best way to figure out if this is for you is to do some volunteer work with kids.

You cantact either the local Boys and Girls Clubs or the Scouts. You could also volunteer as a tutor. There are many different opportunities out there.

You really won’t know till you try. Not everyone is suited for working with kids. It takes an enormous amount of patience.

I found, through working with children, it takes toughness, courage, resiliency, heart and the firm ability to say ‘no’ when needed. You also need to be prepared to have your heart broken at the same time it is soothed. They will move on one day and that can be difficult.

Kids also have the innate ability to exist solely for themselves so don’t look for anything back. Even then, they can surprise you with their caring.

I’ve worked witth 16–21 year old kids with multiple developmental disabilities. I worked with a 16 year old severely autisttic girl with mild mental retardation who was non-verbal and it was very difficult work. She’s irritated but couldn’t say why and generally hated using alternative forms of communication. I LOVE working with this population but it can be frustrating and heartbreaking too. One of the people I worked with who was excellent at his job was a big motor-cycle riding guy who lived on 8 acres of land so working with these kids isn’t necesarily for “soft” people and I daresay you have to develop a bit of a thick skin to work with kids for years and years and you may see the smallest jumps in improvement only to see them slide back because the parents won’t reinforce what you’re working on. I’ve seen kids who were normal at birth be mentally retarded as a result of chld abuse.

And I concur with @Buttonstc, no matter if they are special needs or not, if you can’t discipline then they will take advantage of you. One of the things I learned from working with these kids is how to be firm, how to see what they can do and not just coddle them because it’s easier, how to hold my ground. You are doing a diservice to them by being “soft”.

@hug_of_war >“You are doing a diservice to them by being “soft”.”

I guess the best way to deal with kids in my area of expertise is to write children’s novels, and perhaps the only time I should interact with them is at book-signings.

(Wow, and I thought working with kids would help me prepare for fatherhood. Parenthood is apparently going to be much tougher than I thought.)

(If anyone’s wondering, I’m not going to bother with the illustration side of things. I’ll hire a Manga artist because I prefer illustrations to be done in the East Asian way. Hopefully the kids of this new decade won’t mind that drawing style.)

In any endeavor, you get out what you put in. In the case of working with kids, it’s amplified because (most) kids are totally honest in how they deal with you, and they have an innate sense for when an adult is bullshitting them.

They’re amazing people because they’re really smart but they don’t know anything. So you have to tell them what you know, but you have to give it to them in terms they understand. Then it’s absolutely magical what they do with the knowledge you give ‘em.

On the other hand, kids are a total pain in the ass because they’d often rather be doing anything but paying attention to you.

My two experiences working with children were mixed. I absolutely hated my job shadowing a special needs child. I really had no idea what to do, and it was extremely frustrating. On the other hand, when I worked with the other children, I found that I was often too soft. I found it difficult to be tough, but, when the kids all behaved, the experience was great and I looked forward to it; Sadly, that was not often the case.n Just so you know, the kids that I was working with were between the ages of four and nine.

@hug

You learned one of the most important things in working with kids. Disabled kids of any type don’t progress by being coddled and allowed to get away with crap.

I saw an interview with Temple Grandin recently ( a high functioning autistic) and she credited her quite old fashioned nanny for forcing her to participate in activities and learn to follow the rules in games where taking turns was involved. She realizes now as an adult how much it helped her in relating to others.

I’ve also heard many little people born into average sized families speak about their patents treating them just like their siblings and encouraging them to figure out how to function in an average sized world. This way they gained self esteem in the realization that they could do so much more than they thought was possible simply because it was expected of them.

But it does take an inner toughness to not surrender to the urge to pity them and coddle them needlessly. Being supportive of their efforts is totally different from trying to remove all obstacles from them out of pity.

I have no idea where this idea that “soft” people are good at working with children developed. Anyone who spends time with children who aren’t literally angels is likely to know that they can be a challenge at any age. Even if you work in a role where discipline is not expected (e.g. children’s entertainer, pediatrician), you need to be prepared for children who want to see just how much rudeness and aggression they can get away with.

Definitely get some volunteer experience first. Who knows, you may have that magic way of charming children, that I wouldn’t know the first thing about.

I’m not sure what you mean by soft. If that means you don’t enforce the rules and limits, then it is a bad thing. If that means you love them and sympathize with what may seem petty concerns, but are important to the child, being soft that way is a good thing.

I worked with children for many years, volunteer work at a private school with K – 2 kids and a child care teacher in a health club nursery, Foster Family provider for teens and an instructor with the United States Navy Sea Cadet Corps. Children respond well to knowing what their limits are, and having the rules enforced consistently.

Working with children is war. The little hellspawn will destroy you utterly unless you have balls of steel.

Well since I worked with them for years and they didn’t destroy me, I guess that means…...

Heh, heh, I can assure you YARNLADY has balls of yarn.

Seriously? If you’re expecting children to be easy as pie to take care of, you’ve got to be kidding yourself and the rest of us. You must have people skills and you should be able to deal with conflict. Children can be mean and nasty to one another. They are not always “easy” to take care of. It’s also a good idea to have tough skin because not only do they have the capability to be mean to other children, they have the capability to be mean to YOU. Try being a counselor at a camp or something like that before deciding to jump into a full-out career involving children. That will give you a better idea about whether you enjoy working with them or not.

Coached Little League for years, was a high school basketball coach for 11 years, and coached church ball for years..loved every minute of it. Not a matter of being soft or tough etc.., it is all about loving kids. If love the kids, everything else will take care of itself!

I love @AnonymousGirl‘s suggestion of being a counselor at a camp. I’m going to do that next year at a camp that I’ve been going to since I was 9. They give two counselors to each cabin, one between 14 & 18 and one over 18. I’m going to be a junior counselor.

I don’t “work” with kids but I am heavily involved in both my sons scouting programs and am a den leader and adult troop leader. The one thing you need to be ready to deal with most of all is the parents. The are more clueless parents out there than good parents plus a large portion of kids come from broken dysfunctional homes. You will have to learn tolerance of home life’s that differ from what you may think is “normal” and simply be there for the kids and give them the attention they deserve to learn and experience life in whatever capacity you find yourself there for them. Good luck.

I didn’t read all of the other thread but you might want to re-examine your notion of yourself as soft before using it to decide on a career. You could be using an incorrect or limiting assessment. Just becaue you don’t want to kill people doesn’t mean you are soft. I would do some serious examination of your other strengths, weaknesses, talents and desires before deciding on a career. You might also want to go to a good career counseling center; many community colleges have them for free. All that being said, working with autistic children is not an easy career. A friend works as an aide in a school for the emotionally and developmentally challenged and she is routinely bitten and scratched.

Well, damn.

Yes, I think you need to see a career counselor to sort yourself out and figure out what skills you have and where you’d fit. You say “soft”. I do not think it means what you think it means. Caring for children, any children, whether autistic or not, is far from a soft job.

Dammit, this gets my goat, that anything having to do with what’s perceived as domesticity, caring for children, cooking, and so on, being seen as soft. This is what feminism is supposed to stop! [/rant]

Working with kids requires indiscriminate compassion, but I’d say being too “soft” would be a negative. You need to know how to dish proper discipline and how to not get be too personally affected by their woes.

Working with kids is not just about being soft and loving. Sometimes it’s just plain hard work and dedication. The biggest thing with kids is being consistent. Set the guidelines and don’t stray from enforcing them. A lot of parents and teachers have problems because they are too nice.. or too mean. They shouldn’t be scared of you, but they should learn to respect the rules not only because of the consequences of not doing so.. but explain why the rule exists, and why it is important to follow it.

You need to find a way to teach first, as an aide or something. There is no way that being soft and nice and grandmotherly is going to reach them! Sometimes, yes. But other times, you need to come prepared with your bazooka, and not be too soft and chicken to use it!

A soft person would fare better in the military than they would with a classroom of kids. At least in the military the people running the show are somewhat dedicated to your survival. Not so kids. :)

Raising and/or teaching kids is the toughest job you’ll ever love and isn’t for the too soft.

Now working with animals would likely be the most accepting audience for the too soft, But even they can and will take advantage of a too soft pack leader.

Your best bet world be to seek out a career that will encourage your growth and be tolerant of you as you develop your toughness rather than seeking one that allows it to remain undeveloped

@Merriment Most excellent!!

People who are looking to exploit kids do not need to be working with them.

@Val123 thank you :)

@hug_of_war I know it’s reality, but your comment about kids being born perfectly healthy and ending up mentally retarded because of abuse breaks my heart.

Actually, working with a group of children requires a strong personality and a willingness to administer discipline. You also need to have a loud voice so that you can be heard over all their shouting. :)

With that said, you don’t have to completely give up the idea of working with children. You just need to look for positions that allow you to work one on one with children. Children are generally better behaved when they are not with their peers. Maybe you could become a school counselor or psychologist. Sometimes, they get to do fun things like playing games with the children (of course, the games have an underlying therapeutic purpose).

Alternately, you could work with children in less direct ways. Your idea of becoming a children’s book writer is a good one. If you have an interest in media, you might also consider working in children’s programming.

Don’t give up. I’m sure you can find a job that is a good fit for you. After all, not everyone has a hard nosed personality. If you’re still casting about for ideas, you could visit your school’s career center and take tests to identify your interests.

@ekans BTW, to address something you said in the details, “Oftentimes, people who have a hard time relating to others their own age would find it easier interacting with younger peers, correct? (That would be sound logic under many circumstances.)”
Incorrect. Honestly, would you want someone who couldn’t relate to adults teaching your kids? That’s a little….scary feeling!

@Val123 Exactly the reason why I object to this career choice. Any why any responsible employers would as well.

Although I agree with everyone that working with kids requires tough skin, I would like to note that a softie would be great at caring for newborns, who just require their basic needs to be met, including love and affection.

@stemnyjones More like a pediatric nurse….I agree. Nurses have to be gentle, compassionate and understanding 24/7. Not the same for a teacher dealing with healthy, active kids. You need compassion and understanding, sure, but there are times you really have to put your foot down.

@Val123 If the guy’s social level is on par with someone who’s 17 or 18, who’s to say that they don’t know how to relate to anyone younger than those ages?

@EgaoNoGenki What? I was responding to a comment you made in your detail. You didn’t say anything about age. You said, “Oftentimes, people who have a hard time relating to others their own age would find it easier interacting with younger peers, correct? (That would be sound logic under many circumstances.)”
I assumed you meant adults, since we’re discussing adult career choices. There is a world of difference between a 16 year old hanging out with 14 year olds, and 35 year olds who prefer the company of children and even teenagers over the company of other adults.

People who work with kids want to relate to them as an adult on an adult level relating to kids on a kid level. Its not about relating because you feel like you have a similar level of maturity or whatever. People who work with kids have to be responsible adults. Trying to use kids to reclaim childhood or something like that is exploitation. People who are “soft” do not do well working with kids at all. It takes a maturity, an ability to handle oneself in many situations and being able to put your foot down and follow through, being “hard,” to effectively work with kids. “Soft” people get run over and are altogether ineffective.

If you want to be “one of the guys” then there is no way that anyone would hire you for a position with responsibility. There’s not a job out there working with kids where people get paid to act like their charges instead of like an adult. And if you’re fake or odd or whatever, kids will see right through you.

Responsible, mature adults who act like responsible, mature adults are the only ones qualified to work with kids. People who aren’t responsible, mature adults often end up being fired for one of the many things that can happen if people care more about “fitting in” than doing their job.

@avvooooooo Yeah! Like that! Have a cookie! Working with kids requires more adult maturity than is required in most other fields.