Guys; Can you say 'I love you'?

I try not to overuse it. It wears thin and stops becoming meaningful.

That doesn’t mean I don’t say it, or not mean it when I do.

I say it to my Wife (of 16 years), my kids, grand-kids all the time AND mean it.
I do have an issue with using the term outside the close family network though. (this goes back to a REALLY bad experience while married)
But I do accept there are varying forms of love, I kind of wish there were different terms to use, but to answer your question: Yes, I can, I do, and I dont.
See, clear as mud!

I save it for times when it actually means something, generally the same sentiment as Grisaille.

It does not depend up on what you say!!

It’s necessary that “Do the same what you said”

@LocoLuke @scotsbloke @Grisaille How about if you weren’t the type of guy to say I love you, especially if you had a previous bad break up? Could you still say it if you really did, or would you hold back in fear of getting hurt?

Not sure, I thankfully haven’t been in that situation yet.
I think I would be able to, once I was comfortable with the relationship though.

@Dibley I am the guy that’s been downtrodden, cheated on, eaten up and spit out. Just because I’ve experienced these unfortunate things does not mean I must deny the privilege of feeling loved to another. Doing such – refusing to give my love to another because of sour relationships – is selfish and cowardly. I try to not operate in such a way.

@Grisaille Thank you for your answer. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, living together for 1 and a half. He has never said he loves me. That doesn’t make me feel that great. His girlfriend before me cheated on him with his brother, he doesn’t use that as an excuse but I know how much that hurt him. He doesn’t want us to split up I just want to why he hasn’t said it or why he doesn’t. I ask him he changes the subject. When I say it he just kisses me.

May be he is waiting for some good time to say the same.

@blinkErri It’s been 2 and a half years! We don’t go out and we don’t have friends so he has plenty of time.

I believe the proper question in such a scenario would not be “why doesn’t he say ‘I love you;’” rather, “why do I want him to say ‘I love you’ to me?”

You must understand a few things.

Firstly, although society has instilled the illusion that these three words are the ultimate display of affection, they are not necessary. I know as much as any that being said “I love you” is a wondrous feeling, but they are just words; just a term describing how one feels. That said, he is living with you. He deals with what you describe as “depression and self harm” on your profile. Whether he says it or not, he cares about you. I do not want too assume to much based on the limited amount of information you’ve given me, but more probable than not, your boyfriend loves you.

Secondly, I’d stop saying it to him. That sounds bizarre and wholly counter-intuitive – but the fact of the matter is, he might be going through what he feels to be an over-saturation of false love. That isn’t to say you do not love him, but after a rather rough previous relationship such as his, whenever someone says “I love you” to him, he hears his ex saying it – albeit not consciously. It took me a while after my own ex cheated on me to accept that – hey, you know what? – someone else can love me. And mean it.

The reason I (personally, and I’m wrong on a whole lot of things, so keep that in mind) wouldn’t continue saying it to him is three-pronged. First, it gives him space to clear his mind of the personal, negative connotations with those words. It allows him to “reset” what the definition is. Secondly, it gives you more of a chance to spring the words during opportune moments, as opposed to every phone conversation or after sex (assumptions). Finally, it might just become strange to him – you all of a sudden stop saying it and he might notice, bringing it up in a conversation. That gives you opportunity to speak what’s on your mind. Yes, it’s selfish and a bit manipulative, but guess what? If you can’t get him to budge on the topic during normal conversation, drastic action is in order.

again, listening to my advice is ill… advisable. I haven’t had a relationship – much less a love – in three-ish years. Grain of salt. I’d wait til other people answer.

@Thanks for your advice, it is appreciated. He does care about me and I often think he loves me, but without him saying it, I cannot know for sure. I do say during and after sex in the hope that that would be when he would say it to me. I will take your advice for a while to see how it goes. He is very loving and treats me really well, but, being a girl, I want more!

Methinks you are worrying your little head too much.

Keep calm and carry on.

@Grisaille I am, I know I am.

@Dibley I hope , all your dreams will come true soon.. :D

If I don’t say “I love you” it doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t love them. It might mean I don’t want to wear it out and make it a meaningless phrase. It might mean that I don’t think its appropriate. It might mean that I am concerned how the other person will react. It might mean that it’s just not an appropriate time to say so.

@Dibley From a guy’s perspective,you’re asking him to lay his heart out there for you. He’s been burned already so he’s going to be reluctant to admit to himself he loves you so he can be hurt again. Society teaches men they’re supposed to be strong and tough. To admit to ourselves we let a woman into our hearts is a stretch for most us. Boy, do I sound like a bad edition of Cosmo.

I love you.

I might say that I have not yet experienced a full blossoming of love in a relationship…I believe I am fully capable of saying so when the time comes..One thing I have learned that is equally (or more) important is to NOT say it if you dont really, really, really mean or feel it. ‘Baiting’ someone with it (like on the phone, when saying goodbye, or chastising them if they dont say it back whenever) is just not right, to me. I dont think love, real love, needs to be tested.

@Adirondackwannabe No you don’t, you sound right. He does really like to be the man, if you get me. Thanks, you make sense.

I have alot of trouble doing it because I havent found anyone who I can trust enough to say it too. But most of the times we dont have to say it to our partner. I believe they will know it how you treat them…

@cornbird What do you mean you can’t trust them enough?

People might disagree with this but this is my personal view. Saying I love you to a person somewhat exposes you….or I should put it…opens up a fragile spot in your personality. For a man like me, I usually like to keep those psycological places of mine covered. I dont like to show my weaknesses especially when I was a boy. I havent found someone that I love as yet.. I have had the experience of girls telling me that they love me but I didnt feel the same way…and come to think of it..I didnt believe anyone of them.

@cornbird Interesting view. Very interesting. I could see my boyfriend thinking like that. I hope he believes me when I say it though.

I have deeply liked a person at one time and my friends told me that I was in love but I dont believe that…

@cornbird I guess only you could know. How old are you?

@Dibley @cornbird I understand where you’re both going with this. I probably would be just like cornbird, but I know what real pain is versus letting someone into your heart pain. I lost my father when I was twelve and that hurt. So I can put my heart out there realizing its all realitive. Now that sounds like a bad issue of cosmo.

@Adirondackwannabe Ok, that does abit! But your making sense, are you saying then, that you could possibly feel it but would be too scared to say for fear of getting hurt?

I am 24 and I know I have yet to experience…for now I am just searching and to also tell the truth…to me it is a very SCARY thing to be in love. Love can make us do things and feel things that we dont want to feel. It makes us vunerable to all sorts of things. I mean its a nice feeling but I think it is the safest thing to have that for ourselves only. And the scariest thing about it is, is that it can happen to us unexpectedly at anytime.

I can be too passionate.

If I say I love you. You can take it to the bank. :-)

@cornbird I thought you were younger than that. Love is scary, but beautiful as well.

@Dibley Its a little scary to admit you love someone, but the rewards of letting someone into your heart are much higher. There’s a quote from the writer Faulkner ” Between grief and nothing, I will take grief”. You have to take risks in life to reap the rewards sometimes. I could stay safe and not admit someone is important to me, but I would lose out in the end. Its just tough for some “real guys” to understand this.

@Adirondackwannabe My boyfriend can’t say it. We have been together for 2 and a half years. He has only just learnt to say I miss you! The little things he does have changed and he so much more loving and everything is so good, it’s just missing those words from him. I just don’t know if he does or not.

@cornbird ; I understand full well your meaning about feeling vulnerable and ‘weaknesses’, guys are typically (sadly) raised to think that showing compassion, kindness, love, and the like are weaknesses, but one day you will see that they are exactly the opposite – it takes strength and courage. I believe love is one of the most powerful forces ever; it will make you do things you would never have the guts to do otherwise.It is scary in that it will move you from your safe hiding place into the great unknown; It is exactly what you need; welcome it! If you get a chance, read this book….

@Dibley I think he does love you, but he also got hammered pretty bad by the cheating g/f. She cheated on him, which is bad enough, but with his brother? The poor guy got hit by her and by the one group that’s supposed to have his back, family. Try baby steps with your guy.

i think some people are just not the type to verbalize their feelings. that doesn’t mean they don’t feel the same feelings, they just don’t say them. i think sometimes if people were not brought up to verbalize their feelings then they’re not likely to change as adults by all of a sudden saying “I love you” or “i am not happy today” or whatever.

I find that if I say, “I love you” enough, I can convince myself that it is true even when it isn’t.

@Adirondackwannabe Thank you for your answer. It really did hurt him, he hasn’t spoke to his brother since and won’t even go to funeral’s incase he is there. He’s a good man and would never of done anything to deserve what they both did to him. I know it is very much still with him.

@Dibley I just want to add one more thing. I hope im not prying into your business, but you should advise him to do start back talking to his brother… Although his brother has hurt him badly, at the end of the day it is still his brother and he should always remember that. You would be doing him alot of good by doing this..

@Dibley @cornbird Wow, that’s a lot of pain. Baby steps are your best bet. I don’t know if I would encourage him to speak to his brother Cornbird. That was a major dose of betrayal. I would like to think I wouldn’t ever do that to my bro. Is it okay if I add you two to my fluther? I’m another one of the AB refugees and I’m still learning how this works. Peace.

@cornbird I wouldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to, though I would encourage it if he wanted to, but he seriously hates him now, it’s was the ultimate betrayal.

@Adirondackwannabe Yes of course you can.

no. but i can say ‘i hate you’

@Dibley Here’s one “I love you card” you can use anytime someone leaves a harsh answer or upsets you.

My SO says ” I love you” all the time, we are very affectionate towards one another and don’t hold back on our feelings for each other ^.^ I do, however, say it more often than he does and I have asked him before if that bothered him at all, or if it was “getting old”; he told me to never stop saying it to him and that he loves how passionate I am..

Damn, I got soooo lucky!!

@ElleBee I say it constantly. My boyfriend has never said it. I asked him if I say it too much. He said he loves it when I say it, especially when I leave little notes around.

I say it all the time… even when I attempt not to overuse it…

Perhaps for some it is instinctual free-spiritedness .. an innate desire to remain always free of dependents… hell i don’t know

My SO says I love you to me all the time, and it make me feel special every time :-)

I say it when I mean it, which in the case of my SO, mother and sister is quite often. Other than that it’s something not lightly used.

@Dibley : That’s fantastic ^.^ See, I have no problem how little or how much it is said; as long as when it’s said the person saying “I love you” means it.

It’s different for every relationship and every love. As long as you are happy saying it a thousand times a day or once a week; it’s all just right ^.^

Dibley I love you!

@Tomfafa Ha ha, we can all type it!

@Dibley My parents are hippies… They always say ‘I love you’ I follow suite… the thing is… if you are my friend (not easy) I would have strong feelings for you. I do anything for my friends and don’t allow anything bad to happen to them.

@Tomfafa Sometimes you can’t help it. Bad things happen.

@Dibley Not if I’m your angel.

@Tomfafa Sweet, I need an angel.

@Dibley I keep my friends on the straight and narrow… is that a british term?

@Tomfafa It is a British term yes.

Truth be told, I spent 12 years with a man who said it daily, often multiple times. He meant it but it carried a high price. Saying it absolved him of the responsibility of showing it. I felt ignored. I am now with a man the rarely says it but is far more willing to show me daily, multiple times that he loves me.

On a lighter note. We dated briefly in high school and 20 years later, this self assured guy’s guy turns into the same dumbstruck teenage boy he once was around the girl he loves….I’m just sayin…

I once read an article on a blog about loving the “strong, silent type”. It suggested saying the words “I love you” in your head—even go as far as imagining it in his voice whispering it in your head—every time your “strong, silent type” does something nice for you. I tried it and honestly it puts a spin on things like you wouldn’t believe.

Would I like to hear it more? Of course I would, but truly loving him is about accepting that saying it is something he is not stellar at, but showing it…totally different story.

The answer is inside of you, you just have to be willing to trust it.

Men fake love for the sake of orgasm… women fake orgasm fr the sake of love.

@LittleFeet That is a nice answer and I think I get you.

@Tomfafa I don’t fake orgasms.

You may say it, but I’m taken.

When I love someone I find it easy….. however I suspect thats due to coming from a female dominated family where talking about feelings was encouraged. My biggest problem can be waiting for the appropriate time in a relationship…. I think a persons ability / willingness to say this is down to their background, both family life & relationship history.

@TheJoker Thanks for your answer. I guess we are all different and can do thing or say things, at different times, ways, than others can.

@Dibley….. Quite right… & there are plenty of things I cant say or talk about, thats just not one of em.

@TheJoker Then when the time comes, your girlfriend is a lucky girl.

@Dibley….. Hah, perhaps.

my boyfriend tells me he loves me all the time. i say it back. i know he means it. but, we have not been together that long, but he really does love. so, remind you this is coming from a females point of view, i guess its o.k. ask your buddies