Do you think that my ex-wife has any right to visit my daughter without me around?

No, she shouldn’t have any right to be around your daughter. That’s very creepy, and I would put an end to it at once. I’ve stayed away from all of my Mom’s and Dad’s x’s and always will.

It would depend on why we broke up – If I knew that my child would benefit from being with an ex of mine, I’d be fine with it (but I’d have to be there)

I would be afraid your daughter would get close to her again, and this woman would just take off again, leaving a broken hearted little girl. Since your daughter has no feelings about this one way or the other, I see no reason to encourage this relationship. The woman has proven herself untrustworthy, she does not deserve to have a relationship with your child.

Probably not. I would be open to receiving a call once in awhile, but to be alone with the child, no. My sister had a similar situation, and when he would call, the child would have the choice to talk or not, rarely took the calls, and finally he stopped calling.

Where is the child’s biological mother? Do they have a relationship? It seems more likely that the child stands to be hurt. How did she take the woman’s defection? Was she hurt then? Without knowing all the facts, I’d say “no” based on; 1. When the woman left she apparently didn’t care enough about the child to stay in touch. 2. She seems to be wanting to be in her life now only as an afterthought, as in – well, I’m here so I might as well. 3. She now has a track record for leaving without warning, and the potential for further damage to your daughter outweighs any of her ” at the moment” wishes. 4. What would a relationship with her serve the woman? Possible entry into things that no longer concern her? A chance for intrigue?
I could be entirely off base on this. I had to leave a pill head in August and his life has further deteriorated since I left to the point that he is now homeless. He tried to contact me just today and I know he needs a place to stay. Not “I really love you, I’m sorry that I ran you off, I want to try to make this work somehow.” Just that he is homeless and it’s cold out and even his family won’t let him in because he’s a thief. So it may be because of this that my views on second chances are a bit skewed. You should keep this in mind with any opinion I have on this subject. I’m unable to step far enough away to be totally objective.

I’ve been the dismissed boyfriend of a mother of two (whom I became attached to), and I say no. The likelihood of your ex bringing anything positive to your daughter via a relationship is slim, and if your ex were using better judgement then she’d know that standing halfway in your daughter’s life isn’t helpful. So what if your ex thinks she misses your daughter (or whatever). She can be a flakey pseudo-mom for someone else’s kid or her own.

personally, I think I’d have to give a flat out “NO” to that one – I just don’t think I could handle that well and there’s too much problem potential. but in the end it’s really about if there’s a benefit to your daughter, doesn’t sound like there is but are you sure that’s not your own beliefs clouding your judgement? If your daughter genuinely doesn’t want her around or doesn’t care if she’s around it’s hard to see any meaningful benefit, in fact it seems like keeping her out would simplify life in general for both of you.

maybe. maybe not.

No. If you’re daughter has already gotten past the hurt of this woman just leaving her then it will just reopen old wounds and give the ex another opportunity to hurt your daughter again. I think it would be even more painful for your daughter if it happens a second time. If she hasn’t gotten over the first time yet, then this will just confuse things even more AND hurt a lot more when the woman jumps ship again.

Honestly, she may want to see your daughter now, but what about after your ex gets involved with school, makes friends and has a social life? Will your daughter still be a priority then?

Thanks everyone for taking the time to answer a sensitive subject for me. I stand with most of you and disagree with her having any part of her life at all. As far as I am concerned she can take a long walk off of a very short bridge.
My daughters biological mother lives about a mile up the road from me. She is married to an old friend of mine who is a pretty good step father, I am happy that he is a part of my daughters life. We were never married but continue as friends.

Do you feel that she is a positive role model for your daughter? If not I would keep her out of her and your life. If she was a big part of your daughter life and had her best intentions with her I do not believe she would have left and had no contact with her. When you have a child your sole responsiblity is to protect your child and do what is best for her. I know you know this and I also believe that you already know the answer to this question as well. Good luck with everything! :)

Is she the girl’s biological mother? I too, disappeared from my children’s lives when they were 8. ( not of my own choice but not going into it here) , when they turned 12 my son contacted me on his own, in secret, against his father’s wishes.My daughter, now 13, chose to live with me, and they both very much want me, their mother, in their lives. People change, things change. If this is her mother, it is her right and her mother’s right to know each other. Oops sorry read down never mind

@trailsillustrated
No, if you check the tags it reads Step-Parenting. She is not he biological mother. If you check out a few posts up I spoke about her biological mother and step father and our relationship together.
If she were the biological mother then things would be much different.

sorry meh I contacted mods to remove sorry missed that

@judochop sorry and If it counts no , I wouldn’t bother about this woman for one second

Not at all. She has no right to contact your daughter at all. The fact that she even wants to do so is mildly inappropriate.

@trailsillustrated
I don’t sweat anything. No big deal at all.

It’s sick I tell’s ya, it’s sick, call dem’ ole sheriff and tell em to take him wayward.

I don’t have any kids of my own, but both of my parents remarried when I was around that age. As a kid, I felt mostly indifferent or distrustful toward my step-parents for a long time. After my mother and my stepfather split up, I didn’t feel like I had any need to see him. It takes a long time for a kid to forge a real bond with their step-parent. After only two years, and especially because your ex-wife left, your daughter probably just thinks of her as some random lady who lived with you for two years, and that’s it. Since your daughter is indifferent about seeing her, but your ex really wants to get together, this relationship would only serve a purpose for your ex. You have a much stronger interest in your daughter’s happiness than your ex’s happiness.

You might want to consider making it a subject for a court order. She might try to make a legal end run, so you should look into your rights and the rights of the child.

It depends on what would benefit your daughter the most. If your daughter wants to be her in her life then I think that should be up to her

Gosh…Did your daughter become close to her during those 2 years? How old was she then? I too would be afraid of your daughter forming an attachment to the flake…I say no. It sounds like she has a bad attitude toward you, and could try and cause your daughter to take sides. I say No. Again!

@YARNLADY It’s not the child’s biological mother. It’s someone he married after he had the child, and I’m sure didn’t adopt her (making assumptions here), so she has absolutely no legal recourse.

My third ex-wife was very unkind to my children (and her own) and did a lot of harm while we were married when I was severely depressed at the time and I was too weak and foolish to actively prevent the harm she caused them. I had reconciled with two of my three children completely and less so with my middle child.

After the divorce she tried to worm her way back into their lives and the children rejected her approaches. She is again trying to connect with my eldest (age 25) and is meeting with polite disinterest.

My children have chosen to have minimal, arms-length interactions with their biological mother. (second ex-wife)

Ex’s without parental rights has no legal right to demand access to children of a former spouse. Parents have the right and responsibility to decide whether allowing such access to their minor children is in the child’s best interest.

You don’t mention how old your daughter was when she left, but it sounds like it was some time ago. The lack of concern about the void she left in the life of a child whose life she shared for two years speaks volumes. It sounds suspiciously contrived to impress a third party with her maternal abilities.

“Look, see. Despite being divorced, I’m still close to my ex’s child from a previous relationship. What a good person I am.”

@PandoraBoxx
I mentioned it a few threads up but she was 8 at the time which was in June of this year.

@judochop, sorry I missed that. So the gap was only only six months.

It’s best to keep children out of the middle of adult dynamics where anger between adults is a factor. Children can easily become a pawn in the argument without the adults realizing what they’re doing to the child. It sounds like your daughter has a good sense of family defined by you, her birth mother, and her stepfather.

It’s important for your daughter to understand that sometimes when relationships end, it is impossible for people to continue to be friends with each other, and that you would never trust anyone that you could not have as a friend to be responsible for her, even for a few hours.

Thank you.