What do you do when someone wants 'real' reasons why you don't want to be with them?

You accept that they have to get over their hang-ups.

You do not have to have a reason.
It’s just not working out.

If you’ve told them respectfully that you don’t want to be with them than that should be enough. If they want anymore they are just being clingy. Just leave it alone.

I would tell them the real reasons why. If you really like someone and they have bad breath, it’s not usually a deal-breaker. There’s something deeper at work.

So I find the real reasons and tell them. I’ve broken up with people because I realized they never wanted a family and I do, they drank to alleviate their suffering and I wasn’t comfortable with that, they felt that physical possessions were important to have and I didn’t…. things like that.

Each person is different. i dated this girl back in the 60s. i went to pick her up for our first date and i was shocked. it was in the middle of the summer and the outside temperature was in the 90s. she was a beautiful lady inside/out. i opened the car door for her and then let myself in. then it hit me. body odor. not just a little, but reaking!! i really liked this girl, but the thought of her not wearing deodorant or forgetting to apply it, was an instant turnoff for me. i made it through that date, but no more. i just did not call her anymore. please tell me how you say something to a nice girl like this? i am a brave soul, but i just could not find the strength to break her heart. i knew she was crazy about me and vice versa. what should i have said to her? was it up to me to advise her that she had BO? yes, i just plain “chickened out”. today, i still believe i should have said something to her, but what and how? yes, i still feel guilty.

@john65pennington I feel your pain lol. It makes it harder when they’re a nice person.

@john65pennington I would have told her our pheromones weren’t compatible. There’s just no helping that.

If i had told her about the hormones, that would not have been the truth. for days and days and i sat by myself and tried to think of a way to call and tell her. no matter what i did, i would be a loser. i just decided to keep my silence.

Tell the truth, respectfully. If she isn’t taking care of herself, as you’re suggesting, then tell her. “I thought I could get over the smoking, but I can’t.”

@john65pennington But it might have been. Biologically speaking, if you find someone’s sweat repulsive then yes, it can be hormonally related.

What would you have told her? i could not find the correct words to tell her she had body odor. i can just see her peaches and cream complexion turning blood red from embarrassment. i could not do that to her. you have to remember, that back in the 60s, we did not discuss hormones or anything similar to each other. that was taboo back then. i just kept my big mouth shut and let slience take over. she married my best friend, but i still stay away from both of them because of the guilt.

@Blackberry you might consider telling them that they clearly have boundary/dependency issues and that they’re providing a perfect example of Why not? with their relentless pursuit.

@john65pennington She married your best friend? I have to know – did her hygiene improve? Was it a one-time oopsie or a way of life for her?

@Blackberry I would go with the smoking. If pressed beyond that I would say there is just no chemistry. If pressed beyond that I would say I do not find neediness attractive.

@Supacase Yeah that’s a good idea, thanks guys :)

Honestly, I think for this situation the best solution is not to talk to them anymore. If you just hooked up and then decided you didn’t like them, there is not much explanation needed. If someone doesn’t want to be used for hooking up in this way then they should avoiding hooking up so easily.

If someone is really concerned with knowing why you don’t want to hang out with them after one hook up, they may have some co-dependence issues. If that’s the case, they probably shouldn’t be hooking-up with people easily anyway. But the upshot is that if you entertain their desires for more information (ie attention) you can exacerbate the issue.

Just move on.

Sounds like you need to find someone who is in a better economic position.
The clothes you seem to care about and Dentists are not free. The smoking let her know how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t think smoking is an issue with you. Or plans on quitting like me….............if and when I see a ray of hope my S/O and I will ever be together.
Even though I’m not sure he disapproves…..........still it’s something I want to do. I’m sick of smoking anyway.
My S/O’s last girlfriend was a smoker, it didn’t stop him from spending time with her.

@JessicaisinLove I do get your point, I really do, but cigarettes are not free either. It’s a rather expensive habit.

No, don’t tell the person all those insulting things. That’s not going to help anything. Leaving the guy a devastated emotional wreck won’t do anything but cause more problems. You should simply lie. Say something like, “I hate to tell you this, but you remind me of my cousin. It just feels too strange” or something like that.

You don’t need to justify your reason for breaking up with someone. The answer is like you said, “I don’t feel that we are compatible and I no longer want to date you.” this should be a good enough reason. I don’t feel we always have to explain why.