Is it just me, or does it seem like most men have a hard time listening?

I think because a lot of men want to be the dominant ones. yes I notice it too, but not all men.

what did you say again?

It’s one of those things where it depends on your environment, because I was thinking the same thing about some women. My ex-wife was just like the way you described. So it’s really just the men you seem to surround yourself with maybe.

But wait, you work with lawyers, right? I’m guessing that it has more to do with having a controlling or dominant personality type. That may be more common among men, but wow I can think of tons of counter-examples.

@Harp Me too. But I’m talking about the norm.

I know that I have a hard time listening when people don’t have anything interesting or useful to say.
I don’t know what you’re like in real life, so it’s up to you to decide if that may be your issue.

Sounds like a rather sexist generalization to me.

sometimes we get so excited about what we want to say next that we dont even bother to listen to another person. This happens to both men and women.

So only sarcasm. Maybe you actually want to think about it instead of simply dismissing my question. Oh wait…that is my question.

…wait, what’d you say?

Oh, and only if it’s interesting to you. So it is ego. Gotcha. Thanks for proving my point.

And it’s not just me it’s to all people. I’m not sp egoitistic to think it’s just me.

It’s not that we don’t listen, it’s just that we just don’t care.

Example:

Go to the store and buy some milk.

I hear:
Go to the store and buy tons of beer.

I don’t know about the generalisation but my wife just gave you a big thumbs up & demanded I answer this question. Okay anything for a quiet life. She says that to me all the time so in my case at least you have a point.

Sometimes my girlfriend keeps nagging on about stuff i don’t care about (such as who talked to who at the party, or how good her new nailpolish is), then i tend to tune out.

It goes both ways, she usually tunes out when i try to explain some scientific stuff, some cool video game i found, or my favourite ww2 battle. The difference is I don’t get pissed when she tunes out, i realize the subject matter is not of interest to her and shut up or change topic.

A bit sexist perhaps, but that’s how I feel it works.

Also: The only situation where I think you may be right is men listening in relationships. It’s just a fact of life sometimes that women don’t need to turn a story about going to the store into a 20 minute rant. Of course we’re going to just want the facts and ignore you telling us about what some chick was wearing at the store.

It’s all about being simple…...

@nisse You are correct.

Because women dont know when to shut the fuck up.

hooray for blanket statements

In my experience, many men feel threatened by strong women – it’s in the genes. Not a radical idea, certainly, but speaking both as a man and one who sometimes feels threatened by a strong woman, it’s good for me to hear your perspective.

@nisse exactly

This is not a gender issue. There are plenty of women who would rather talk than listen as well.

Confusing personality type with gender is a logical fallacy that hinders progress for both men and women.

My wifes always telling me that I dont listen, but I suppose most men get told that?
I have to say she doesnt hear what I say as well!!

Its you.

I always know how to rile people, awesome.

How is “seems” and “most” a blanket statement?

How many women have answered this question? Just curious.

Wait. Did you say something? Was I suppose to be listing to you?

@uberbatman I love you.

I’m a woman. I know if the genders were reversed and this question were asked about women i would find it offensive….just my opinion.

It’s not just you.

@tinyfaery Another blanket statement would be Michael Jacksons kid in a news conference~

I love it how some of the men keep on with the same lameass joke..

__“what’d you say?“__

“It’s not just you.”

I’m in there, as well.

I’ve found when talking to men (or people who ‘think like men’) it’s best to change how you communicate. Most men aren’t raised to talk about generalities. They are taught to talk about solutions and figures.

Example-
Women say- “Are you hungry?” (which means- hey, I’m hungry you think we should stop and get some food?)
Men say- “I’m hungry let’s stop and get some food” and then expect you to say yes or no.

So if you say to a man “Are you hungry?” they tend to say yes or no and leave it at that which can make a woman feel she’s not being heard or considered.

I think of us women as collie dogs. We try to herd the group towards the same destination.

(This is of course, a sweeping generalization that I just came up with. YMMV.)

This issue comes up with my wife and I from time to time. She’ll want to tell me about her day, just talk about random stuff, etc. I’ll get frustrated trying to follow what she’s trying to say, try to understand the point she’s making, figure out how to solve the problem, etc.

The problem is that she and I have different expectations in our communication. I expect there to be a reason for the discussion, a resolution at the end, a solution, a clear point to be made, etc. However, her goal is to express herself, to be understood, to talk about her stresses so that she can let them go, or whatever. When I forget that her goals are different (which happens too frequently still) I tend to interrupt to try and make sense of what she’s saying or push her to get to the point.

@gemiwing
That happens frequently too. I’ll ask my wife a question expecting a “yes” or “no” and she’ll give me a nuanced response. When she’s done I usually ask “um, does that mean yes or no?” and, because she’s come to realize I’m bad at understanding the subtleties of her answer, she’ll give me a more simple and direct answer.

I love how some of the women love how some of the men keep on with the same lame ass joke.

@phoenyx Hubbs and I are the same way. We started clarifying right up front what we want from the conversation and that’s helped immensely. Just by me telling him ‘I don’t want a solution I just need emotional support’ creates an immediate change for the better. Then when he can’t fix my bad day he at least knows that he’s helping me just by listening to me whine. (poor man!)

@ChazMaz kiss my ass. ;-)

:-) Now that gets a GA!

there you go, yet another reason men are evil.

second place holder for those who don’t listen? people with children, amirght?~

I’m a woman of few words and frankly I can relate to men who just want to cut through the white noise and get to the friggin point.

Why can’t we all just get along? Chaz? CHAZ!!!!
Seriously. It’s been proven that men and women generally have differing methods of communication and things they consider important. Also, men and women “feel” differently about what’s being communicated. Talking more to a man (or woman) who isn’t listening will only frustrate you more and aggravate him to listen less. Try another tack.
Any man (or woman) or woman, thank you brother (or sister) or sister….where was I?
I have some more information about this on my other rig. I’ll try to have a couple useful links when I get home.

Yea, what @Trillian said. :-)

If by not listening you mean sitting down to hear 800 words to say only 10 then yes…I do not listen.

I think it’s so interesting that people make this error when talking about sex differences pretty consistently. If you are talking about differences on a group level (where the two groups = men and women), then citing individual cases of men and women who are exceptions doesn’t mean there are no group differences!

Take height, for example. Men are, on average, taller than women. This doesn’t mean that there are no women who are taller than any men. Likewise, if some men are good listeners, that doesn’t mean that as a group, men aren’t in fact poor listeners.

I am not a man, and I am guilty of being a poor listener. So this is something I pay close attention to, because I would like to learn how to be a better listener by seeing how good listeners do it. And my experience agrees with yours: women do, on average, seem to be better listeners.

But I am not a fan of anecdotal evidence, so I tried to find some research on this. One study about doctor-patient interactions found, “Female physicians engage in significantly more active partnership behaviors, positive talk, psychosocial counseling, psychosocial question asking, and emotionally focused talk.” (JAMA).

A review of many studies concluded, “Men were found generally to be more task-oriented, more active and aggressive verbally, more skillful in problem-solving, readier to take risks, less suggestible, more competitive, more likely to assume leadership, less expressive of emotions, less perceptive of the emotional states of others, and more reticent in disclosing self-information.” (Quarterly Journal of Speech).

I don’t know if any of that qualifies men as worse listeners, but some of the things mentioned above seem not unrelated.

OK people. Here are a couple links. I have some more but I don’t know if I can get into the archives. They do illustrate the differences in our hard wiring somewhat…
http://mrpitcher.wordpress.com/2009/03/26/male-and-female-communication-or-lack-thereof/
http://www.simmalieberman.com/articles/maleandfemale.html
http://www.helium.com/channels/617-Male-Female-Communication-Styles
http://www.girl.com.au/voice-male-voice-female.htm
The information is not as comprehensive as I wanted, but it’s at least there.

Thanks @nikipedia. You are the awesomest!

@nikipedia +5 lurve

You guys give me the warm fuzzies.

It doesn’t seem that way to me.

IT’S NOT JUST YOU

You should check out this book by steve harvey called act like a lady think like a man. there is a whole chapter on this topic that really helped me to understand why it’s true that mean don’t seem to listen.

Men listen to actions, not words.