I did the right thing, so why do I feel so bad?

You feel bad because you missed an opportunity you thought you were going to have. Even if you do put a strain on your relationship with your drama friends, if they decide to abandon you because of it, are they really friends at all? There will be plenty of other opportunities, to be in plays and drama, but if you’re going to stick by your beliefs, then drama may not be the right career path for you!

I’d say you’re probably

a) disappointed at the lost opportunity for yourself, and
b) sorry to have to let anyone down when they were relying on you.

But, doing the right thing isn’t always doing the easy thing, and you have to stick to your beliefs. Be true to yourself before all others.

The right thing isn’t also always going to be the easy or popular thing. You are aware that you will be “punished” for your choice. No one really likes to be disappointing to anyone else even if it is in doing what is right for them.

@reactor5 ; well, it’s not a career path at all.

But now I feel responsible for the playing being… however it will be. They have to get a new person, and the person has about a month to memorize all the lines. =/

Sounds to me like you have conflicting emotions. Part of you wants to be apart of that activity and another part doesn’t want to take part in it. The best thing you can do is pray on it.

Why not volunteer to bring the replacement up to speed? Give them extra help and attention.

@Ghost_in_the_system ; that’s a good idea… I hadn’t thought about that.

Missed opportunity combined with guilt over failing your friends. You did what you thought was best and essentially put your beliefs ahead of your desires, that’s not an easy thing. Most people find it all to easy to give in and sacrifice their beliefs for their wants or worse the wants of others. If it helps, try to provide the production with additional help, work on set, costume, help out your replacement. It might help in the future, since you know what days you’re not available, try to confirm with the lead on whatever the activity is if said unavailability will be likely to cause an issue.

@troubleinharlem – which is exactly why you feel bad, but you know what? Not your concern. Would you feel bad if you contracted with someone to buy something for $100 and then when it came time to exchange the money for the thing, they said you’d have to give the $1,000, and you said, no way, sorry, not what I agreed to, and I can’t afford $1,000? Six of one, half a dozen of the other if you ask me. You agreed to take the lead in something that would not conflict with your other commitments based on an the assumption that there was no conflict, then they changed the terms on you so that there was a conflict…you have two choices, cave in to their changes at your expense, or give in to your needs at their expense. They made the last move, it’s actually far more fair that they have to bear the burden of the decision. Now, if you have doubts about your entire system of belief, that’s another story…I not being a religious person would never have such a conflict, so I can’t say that I “empathize”, but I know that if something was a fundamental part of my being, my system of belief, I would not do anything that was in conflict with it. I don’t believe in hurting others, if I suddenly have the opportunity to hurt someone, that’s not going to make me compromise my beliefs and hurt them just because I can. If you truly believe that not participating in secular activities from Friday sundown to Saturday Sundown is an important aspect of your faith, important to you and important to your God, if you honestly believe there are afterlife consequences for not doing what your faith tells you to do, then you have no choice but to follow your faith. If however you’re in this religion because that’s what your family does and secretly you think it’s all a load of BS, then you’re doing nothing but paying lip service to this faith and you might as well stay in the play. Be true to YOURSELF. That’s all you need to do to absolve yourself of guilt, because anyone who asks you to be someone you’re not is not looking after YOUR best interests.

Aren’t most school plays on Friday nights? They were at my kid’s school. When you tried out for the part when did think the play was going to take place? On a school night?

Awww, stop feeling bad. Doing the right thing for yourself often runs counter to the what others want. But you’ve got to live with yourself, not them.

@worriedguy; it was originally scheduled for a Monday night.

Because what you believe in stood in the way of you getting what you want.

In my life anyway wanting two incompatible things is just something that happens now and again. I have to choose one over the other, and I don’t regret those choices but I still feel crappy about missing out on what I missed out on!

You can’t always get what you want. That’s why you feel badly.

So what there wasn’t an understudy? Well, that’s not your fault: that’s the producer’s fault. You aren’t to blame, so try to shake off that guilt.

Reinterpret the activity. The play can be an offering to god.

lol, “highschool drama” :)

it feels bad because it sucks to miss out on good stuff.
you would have felt bad either way.

Bah, religion gets in the way of the arts once again.
Congrats on getting cast in the first place, @troubleinharlem!!!

If you are convinced that you did a right thing, you won’t feel badly about the decision – just that the consequences might not be what you like but that’s life, it’s always like that – though I do think this should have been something you could have foreseen or at the very least discussed with the directors when you were auditioning.

Shakespeare’s words long ago still ring true today.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night follows the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
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You originally agreed to do this role with the understanding that the play would be on a Monday night, right?

It was the director’s decision to significantly change that, right?How is that your fault?

It isn’t.

It was also the director’s lack of foresight in not assigning an understudy, right?

How is that your fault?

It isn’t.

If you wish to extend yourself to help out the person replacing you, that’s certainly a very nice gesture but not, strictly speaking, your responsibility.

Anyone trying to guilt you out by speaking of hard feelings from your fellow cast members is being manipulative, plain and simple. You are not required to feel guilty for changes to the terms of the original agreement.

You can feel perfectly free to let your castmates know this. Those are the facts.

FYI: Your religious group is not the only one with Sabbath restrictions. Orthodox Jews have far more restrictions for the exact same time frame.

This is New York, not Kansas so there is a large population of Orthodox Jews. It certainly is not unreasonable to expect your director to be aware of this. He’s the one being the idiot with the last minute switch-up.

Naturally you feel disappointed that you can’t be in the play. That’s to be expected. But don’t lay false guilt on top of that. You director had other choices.

I know it’s a bit cliched, but the Serenity Prayer has much truth in this situation.

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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Standing by your convictions, especially when it hurts, shows real character.
You are a person worth knowing.