What can I do about my boyfriend's overprotective mom!

How old are you and how old is he?

I am 13 and he is two days younger than me so he is also 13.

Then there’s your answer. From a parent’s standpoint 13 is very young and they’ll worry that you guys might take it too far.

@gemiwing i understand that but chaperoning us in a park? and not letting us even go to the movies by ourselves? i dont think we will take it too far at the park or in a movie.

I think you will not be prevented from holding hands with one another if you go for it, but if I was your parent I would supervise you as well, mainly because I wouldn’t let my 13-year-old child go anywhere alone with another 13-year-old. Sorry, hun.

You might talk them into letting you go on group dates with a bunch of your friends, though. I’d let maybe 5 13-year-olds go to the movies all together, so long as a few of them had cell phones and they promised to stay together. It’ll be a good first step to teach your parents that you are responsible and capable of being unsupervised without the world falling apart.

How about the both of you sit together and have a talk with his parents and explain to them what each of you want and don’t want. Try to earn their trust for the both of you.

I know it is frustrating, and although I wouldn’t be as strict about those things that is how a lot of parents are so you got to figure out ways to get them to be less strict about things

@fireinthepriory we tried holding hands. she made us stop. and our parents say they trust us. we are both straight A students and barley ever get in trouble. and we do group dates but she also chaperone those. its just his mom

@lvrgrl6519 I am sorry about all that. Some parents don’t realize that by being that strict about things a lot of times they will push their kids away from them by the time they are 18

the worst part is he says how much he hates her doing this kind of stuff but he won’t confront her. i think we will try to earn more trust (but i don’t know how much there is to earn) and if that doesn’t work well we won’t have any other choice but to confront her. she has known me since i was born and she acts like i am some demon child.

@lvrgrl6519 Wow I am sorry to hear all that. Yea I don’t know her either. Only the two of you know how much trust you may be able to earn. Make sure if you confront her though that it is done in a way not to completely piss her off, people like that can be really not nice when their kids actually speak up about how they feel about things.

Hmm. You might want to talk to another adult about it and see if they’ll (nicely) talk to his mother for you. She might not listen to you guys if you confront her yourselves, adults often don’t see reason when it’s told to them by their kids.

@fireinthepriory i think i mite just do that. My mom is old friends with her. Maybe she can talk some sense into her.

I don’t think you can do much at this stage. It is a little over the top, but it is a parent’s right to worry. At 13, all you can really do apart from talking to them is live with it until they start to relax. I don’t know what his mother is like, but most parents would be reasonable about it, and although you might not get what you want it will help to build trust if you show that you are prepared to be open with them.

i don’t think she will ever trust me. Even though she has known me forever she acts like I am going to rape him or something if she leaves me alone with him. And I think she is in totall denial about it all.

@lvrgrl6519 Good luck with it all. I hope she becomes more reasonable

Definitely see if your mom will step in and help you out. Stress to her that you don’t want to do anything “inappropriate” with each other, but that you feel smothered and want some privacy like any two close friends would, since your relationship is based on a close friendship. Maybe tell your mom that you want to discuss with her what she would disapprove of you two doing together. For example tell her you feel ready to hold hands, and ask her if that’s ok. Maybe tell her you don’t feel ready to kiss because you think you’re too young. If you have one of those tell-all relationships with her like some girls do with their moms, tell her when you feel ready to kiss him – it’s all about building trust so they don’t worry that you’re doing things they don’t approve of behind their backs.

Thank her for looking out for him and for you. Earn her trust while you learn to respect yourself and while he learns self-respect and respect for you. In time, she will trust both of you more and you will be mature enough to respect, if not always agree with her protectiveness.

What’s your birth order in your families? Is he an oldest/only?

@PandoraBoxx hes the oldest out of 3 boys. he has an 8 yr old bro and a 3 yr old bro

Sounds like his mom is on it! She has my respect.
You’re 13. Kissing can wait for a few years.

His mother is protective because he’s the oldest, and this is all new for her. She is going to be stricter with him because she’s a good parent. I’m willing to bet you have older siblings? If you’re 13 and have been “dating” for a year, you’ve really just been hanging out with a boy that you like. It’s not really dating.

The reason why she’s so protective is stories like this , this or this appear in the news all the time. It freaks good parents out.

Please don’t be in any hurry to move things along. When my daughters were in middle school, two of their classmates (gifted ed program) were pregnant by age 13, the 7th grade field hockey team at the rival school got busted for oral sex parties at the movies on Saturday afternoons when most of the team came down with an STD. At 14, my daughter’s best friend got his girlfriend pregnant. She had an abortion. The whole experience was so damaging for him, that age 20 he’s still not over it. None of these kids expected to get pregnant or get an STD. One girl told my daughter, “I can’t be pregnant – I’m not even in high school yet.”

The fact that your moms are friends is probably the only reason she is allowing her son to date at all. She probably does trust you. What she doesn’t trust and with good reasons is your hormones and her sons hormones. Puberty, left unchecked can bring two perfectly reasonable people to do things they would’ve never dreamt of doing. I always believed I would never have sex before marriage but at 18 I had a boyfriend who would just touch me and my stomach would just twist. I would melt when he would kiss me and all my moral thoughts would fly out the window. Luckily he new even if I said yes I would hate him later so he would pull away. Needless to say we didn’t work out and my thoughts on no sex before marriage didn’t work. Luckily the guy I did finally sleep with I married. When that genie is left out of the bottle, there is no putting it back. Shes trying to make sure no one rubs the bottle. ;) Don’t take it personal. Its a mom and woman thing. We all know what its like to loose control and she’s making sure all is controlled until you both are ready for any problems.

Your boyfriend’s mother has legitimate concerns, whether or not you think it is a danger. In my profession, radiation safety for pregnant girls/ladies is a huge issue. Before every x-ray on a girl/woman of child bearing age we must ask what their pregnancy status is. My lecturers have told us that 14 is the age by which a large enough proportion of girls are sexually active for this to be an issue. If you are 13, then you’re not far off. This is a worrying statistic, as (without intending insult) at that age you are not emotionally ready for a sexual relationship. She may be a little over the top, but it is too easy for a kiss to go a little further, then a little further than that the next time.
Just stick it out, talk to her about her reasons for behaving this way, and see where it leads.

I support the people who said to ask your parents to help you out.

I do think supervising a 13-yo everywhere is extreme, myself. I mean, I would not definitely let a 13-yo to go wherever without wanting to know where they are etc, but being there 24/7? Certainly the boy goes to school without his mother at least? ;)

i understand her worries! we try to get her to at least let us go to the park or something. we’re not gonna have sex in a park! she won’t even let us walk around. I have literally never been alone with him. she won’t let it happen. i got my mom to talk to her. it didnt help. if anything it got worse. now we’re not aloud to go anywhere unless she can go too.

Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. At your age, some supervision is appropriate. For instance, most parents probably wouldn’t let their children go on solo dates until age 15–16. But she should at least allow you to hold hands and have a little bit of alone time. Too much restriction can be just as bad as too little, because it primes a young person to rebel.

In the meantime, try not to show that you resent her, or else she really might begin to view you as a temptress who will lead her son to rebel. Be polite, help her around the house if you dine with them, and generally try to show her what a good person you are. Maybe then she will begin to trust you more.

As others have said, you can also try to talk to her directly, but because she didn’t listen to another adult, she might not be willing to listen to you, either. If you do talk to her, tread very carefully. Tell her that you just want to have a little alone time to talk and hang out, and promise not to do anything inappropriate.

One final, parting thought: could you invite him to your house and not go to her house as often, or would that be forbidden, also?

@lonelydragon the last time we tried that we ended up having dinner with him…... and his mom, dad, and two brothers.

@lvrgrl6519 Did they just invite themselves over to your house?

pretty much… i was texting him, giving him the times and information, and he asked, “can my parents come?” and i thought he was just joking about when his mom went to the movies with us and I said “Yeah, sure.” But I was seriously freaked out when he showed up with his whole family.