General Question
How should I respond to this seemingly harmless text?
Ok, so seriously the text is nothing—wishing me an early happy bday, wondering if I want to get together with her the sender for a coffee to celebrate it. No big deal, right?
Well, it gets a little complicated… So let’s call her Jill! Jill’s a teacher at my dance studio, and use to be really close to my best friend, who also dances there. We’ll call my friend Anna.
Anna and Jill got really close a few years ago when Anna was going through a rather difficult time, and Jill reached out as a friend/mentor and helped her gain back her confidence and happiness.
So when I was acting a bit different than usual, and feeling rather lonely, Anna picked up on it, and we started going for lunch and over to her house. And then she told me one day she was worried about me, cared about me, wanted me to know she would always be there for me. She told me about how Jill was there for her, how much it helped her, she wanted to be my Jill.
About that time, Jill started acting strange… And a few months later, started ignoring Anna in class, between classes… During the summer Anna stopped coming to dance.
I found out later, only because Anna was desperately lost, and needed someone to talk to, me, that Jill had sent her an email putting Anna down, telling Anna that Jill needed space from her, she didn’t want Anna at the studio, or in Jill’s life.
Well, Anna missed the studio, missed dancing, and I told her everyone else missed her. But Anna was still worried about returning in the fall…
Jill was teaching one class, and Anna (and me, and the other ‘advanced dancers,’ older girls, at the studio) were in it. Jill gave it to someone else.
So we haven’t seen much of Jill. No one else knows what was going on between her and Anna, last they know is the two of them are still tight.
Jill has kinda come back to Anna, then pushed her away again off and on this year. Then pushed her away again hard recently. So far as to defriend Anna on fb. She defriended me, too, but no one else. Anna’s still hurt, but fine. She’s picked up from others around Jill, and by the way Jill’s been acting, that Jill’s going through some things right now… some issues.
Ok, that sounds like a lot, but I feel like that’s the bare minimum to give you an idea of my dilema. I could make it a lot more complicated…
Anyway, I’m not sure how much I’m overreacting or not to all of this. During the summer I had a private with Jill because no one showed up to a class of hers, and she asked me then if I wanted to dance or talk about life. I had kinda picked up on the whole deal with her and Anna, so I told her I was great, I wanted to dance….
In the very back of my mind, I was beginning to worry that she was pulling away from Anna, because she “fixed” Anna, and now was turning toward the next person to “fix,” me. Also, Anna’s always been in the spotlight for her dancing. Me, I started getting serious later so am just beginning to, am “new.” I worried that had something to do with it too.
The timing of the whole thing was just weird… when Anna turned to me, Jill pushed Anna away. Then later, Jill very subtly asking me about how I was more than that one private… But then nothing, for months.
And now, suddenly, randomly, this text: Do I want to go to coffee with her? Just based on how Anna approached me, I have a feeling that was how Jill approached her. I’m worried that’s how Jill’s now approaching me. I don’t want to replace Anna!!!
But maybe I’m overreacting, because of all the drama that’s happened. Anna did catch wind that Jill goes through something similar to now every couple-few years… so what if I’m completely misunderstanding it, and Jill’s looking at me as a way to get back to the way things were, with Anna? I still don’t know about that, but it would be completely different.
Usually I would turn to Anna about things, but Anna’s right in the middle of this one. So the only thing I have left is fluther… was hoping you guys could give me some insight on how to take this text? And what to say to it??
Thanks… especially for reading all of that. Geez, I didn’t mean to make it so long! I hope it makes at least a little sense…
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