To tell or not to tell, that is the question.

I would want to know everything. I had a friend once who had someone that was flirting with her and she told her boyfriend. I didn’t see anything wrong with that. Anyway, I told my partner that conversation and he said “how childish is she, one day she’ll grow up”. I thought she did the right thing.

Each couple defines the pact they make with each other. It’s voluntary and based on trust and respect.
If you do something that violates your pact then if you don’t tell your SO then you are and SOB!

If you act honourably when tempted to stray, you have no need to report what didn’t happen and cause your SO distress.

Discuss anything in your life you want to share but so long as you are living up to your agreement, you don;t have to turn yourself in for looking at some other women or man who passed you by.!

I think it all depends. As time goes on in the relationship more should be revealed so you know if you are compatable or not. Of course there are plenty of people who are bf/gf and live together. To me if your at that level of the relationship than more should be known than a regular relationship. It really all depends on where you intend the relationship to go. So many relationships fail today because people marry without knowing each other pretty well.Its a two way street. If you are going to keep all kinds of secrets than you can’t complain if your bf/gf keeps you in the dark as well. I use to break up with guys who had to keep all kinds of things secret from me. I figured if they were too scared to tell me than there was no trust and more than likely another woman. My sister would date guys with secrets and that never worked out for her. Twice it turned out they had other women in their lives and they were just stringing her along, all the while knowing she fell deeply in love with them. Now there is no need to know every little detail but any that would have an impact on your relationship should be revealed so you each know if you are just wasting time. If you are dating just for kicks and giggles than both of you should discuss that up front so know one is disappointed.

I think between lovers there should be no secrets, although there are such things called “family skeletons” ; information that is within the family that should be kept to oneself at any cost. Also there are certain things that occur within the course of the relationship that is not appropriate to say at the moment. Generally two people that love each other should have no secrets, between them that is and each partner should not put themselves into a position to harbour any secrets.

No, I don’t agree my life is an open book to any person I meet in a romantic or just friendship space. It is ONLY if the past event is relevant to something that is occurring now. For example if I am a recovering alcoholic and I spend a weekend lost in a bender it would be better and fair to tell my now partner that I am in recovery for ten years or whatever (just to use an example).

I certainly don’t believe in exposing my whole entire life story to someone particularly if it requires some therapeutic input as partners although supportive should not be our therapists.

Also my sexual history is only of consequence if it has direct bearing on now, as in, am I disease free, do I have children.

Often people we love become estranged from us, and who wants our whole life story discussed many times over by both them and ourselves perhaps. A life with a new partner is about now, not then.

If you trust them, then tell them or it may be hard for them to reciprocate that trust. Of course in the early stages of a relationship that trust is still being built, but any mature relationship should be open and honest in my opinion.

Once a relationship has reached the stage where both partners agree to be with each other exclusively, that changes the dynamics considerably.

Prior to that, when it’s not really clear whether or not the relationship has “legs” not that much disclosure is needed.

But trust is required in a committed relationship in order for it to grow successfully.

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

This is a very accurate truism.

Dating especially long distance requires a leap of faith and fairly thick skin. Even close by relationships you have to be able to “filter” and accept that fact that your S/O will be flirted with and there is nothing I can or should do about it. I expect that she will be flirted with and frankly would be disappointed if she wasn’t flirted with. She is hot and I know other men think so too. I just know in my heart she is here for me and not them. It’s called trust.

I prefer someone who is honest with me about everything. Of course he doesn’t have to tell me his passwords and secrets that he’s supposed to keep and stuff like that, though. It’s just common sense not to share those things, or should be.

Hi…..

I think that you should tell everything…when it becomes a committed relationship. And then you should disclose only those things that will directly impact your relationship. I am not going to tell my partner that I once got drunk and slept with a moose when I was in college in Alaska. It’s irrelevant and will make me look like a total moose-chaser.

I think that you can keep things to yourself…as long as it is not something that will impact your relationship adversely.

P.S. No, I did not sleep with a moose. That was simply an example.

If it is next to marriage, tell everything that could possibly impact that relationship, or where you have done things that may come up in conversation. You need your mate to support you, not diss you. If he will not be able to do that, who wants him? If you’ve made a complete change from prostitute to Christian, your commitment to your new life would be the judgment.

I want everything told to me. No secrets at all. That is what keeps me trusting

i believe it’s all up to the two of you and what you want your relationship to contain.
do you want your relationship to contain dark secrets?
do you want your relationship to contain a “what happens in LV stays in LV” type of trust?
do you want your relationship to contain sex on the side?
stuff like that..

it’s all a matter of features. whatever you want your relationship to be built on is how you should build it. the thing is, maybe she doesn’t want to be in a relationship where there are dark secrets. maybe she’s more like @dutchbrossis. if you don’t know, then you should ask her what kind of relationship she wants. if she’s not getting what she wants, then why would you give it to her?

You are not “obligated” to tell anything at any time.

If you want to develop trust in a relationship, you need to know a lot and communicate a lot. If you feel like your partner is holding back, then it’s hard to build trust.

“Full” disclosure is no guarantee of truth, either. Someone may be very convincing, but still be lying. Stories must always past the “smell” test, and you need to verify some of the stories from other sources, or you could be being hoodwinked.

I think rubber stamp rules for disclosure could generate awkward or untoward situations.

In general I’ve learned it’s better to withhold personal information until you’ve received similar info.

Remember, not everyone wants to work through a sexual resume, and psychiatric history on the first date. Leave them their fantasies a bit.

If they follow through with a second date, then maybe, just maybe you could talk about your first kiss, unless of course it was your sister. That you probably shouldn’t get into on your first date.

If you are married for 30 years, and your wife wants to know why your sister is always winking at you, you might have to explain. I think maybe it’s best to avoid incest first however.

My main idea to this, is that there are no hard and fast rules, except maybe a golden one that fits imperfectly.

What sort of things do you expect to be told and when? Should this information be in a black box and forced out early without request, or maybe only as requested, and IF appropriate. Deep dark secrets for the class gossip 8th grade. No Way, unless you like suffering.

Intimacy is access. Access to your body, mind, beliefs. Access to secrets, if it’s that intimate.

I think it should be Ok to discuss your first kiss, you don’t have to go into details.

For safety reasons it’s a good idea to know if someone is at risk for HIV, stalking you, or just spending all your money, or snoring.

Don’t put yourself out, any more than they do, and if it feels too much, something’s not working. It’s all part of the magic comfort distance. To be breached only under your intimate permission.

I would avoid sex for secrets exchanges, or disclosure = you can trust. You could be easily played by a pro.