How can a dominant person let a more quiet one still have a say? How can a dominant person not turn into a dictator and still consider the needs of others?

You could let the less dominant person have a “safe word.” When they say the safe word, it lets you know that you’ve passed their level of tolerance and you must stop, and listen to what they have to say. By giving them this word, it lets them know that you will listen to them and consider their needs, no matter what.

It doesn’t have to be as blatant as a special word they say, either. You may just wish to make clear (especially in a work setting) that if they feel the need to come to you, you will set aside what you’re doing and hear them out. Have you done anything in the past that would make it seem necessary to ask you for the “nod,” or permission to visit the bathroom? (The bathroom thing might be simple mockery of a dominant approach you’ve taken too far in the past.)

Another way that groups I’ve been in (not at work) allow everyone to have a say is the “talking stick” approach. An object (the “talking stick” – but it doesn’t have to be an actual stick) is passed around and the person holding it has the floor to speak. Some variant of this might work in a less formal office.

Or, you could make a “suggestion box” or other anonymous, “safe” way for people to say things when they might be too intimidated to do so in person.

Yes, there is obviously something in your body language and/or personal vibe which signals “natural leader” to others.

If you wish to modify this dynamic ( I don’t think you can, or would want to, change it completely) you need to make a conscious effort to draw others out.

Ask them directly by name for their opinion. You’d be surprised by how some of the shyer types will put careful consideration and deep thought into problems.

If you want to benefit from this, you have to draw them out AND give them positive reinforcement for their contribution. Even of it isn’t really workable for this particular situation, choose to phrase that in a non-critical way and thank them for the effort.

I had to do this a lot with the quieter kids in my elementary school classes. It’s much easier to just respond to those with their hands raised jumping put of their seats to answer.

But I just had to keep reminding myself to involve the quiet ones as well.

Figure out a way to remind yourself of this intention. Do something unfamiliar prior to a meeting (like putting a rubber band around your wrist or switching your watch to the opposite side) anything that will subtly capture your attention.

After a while, you will automatically draw out others instead of steamrolling over them.

I’m assuming from the details that you wrote that you are speaking about a business situation. Thus I didn’t include the types of dynamics involved in a mutual consensusl D&S personal relationship.

That’s a whole different scenario and as strange as it sounds, the submissive is the one who basically controls the whole deal by placing specific limitations beforehand as to what he/she is willing to submit to.

If the dominant partner continually violates boundaries, they will find themselves bereft of playmates. It’s an interesting dynamic but totally different from a business scenario :)

Count slowly to 10 before even thinking of speaking. Don’t interrupt others. Concentrate on what others are saying and what they mean instead of preparing what you are going to say next. Relax, enjoy being with others and show then respect.

I think you’re doing a very good job of it right now.
Try spending your time asking open ended questions to direct a conversation toward the kinds of opinions you would like to hear. Spend less time communicating your opinion and more time asking people for theirs.

Your questions can be phrased in such a way that your interests are communicated and when they are finished speaking you can give your opinion.

It all starts with listening. I can relate to this question. I can also be bossy and a bit aggressive at times. I am at a point in my life now though where I don’t want to make all of the decisions and control everything in my life, but I’m stuck in that role because it is what I have created.

Work on being aware of what you are putting out there. Knowing exactly what it is you are doing will help you be able to change it.

At the start of a meeting set the agenda then open the floor to questions and comments immediately after framing the issue. If it’s people you work with consistently they’ve likely already been “trained” to your style but once you start making it clear that the meeting can’t move forward without their input the more type A ones will start speaking up pretty quick. If you know a person has a good answer or quality input but is more shy/reserved ask them by name, something like “hey Joe, you had a really good idea about getting us back on track with that agency project what was it again?” Also be complementary when people speak up, even if they’re a little off the mark say something like “that’s an interesting idea, thanks for bringing it up, what does everyone else think” nothing goes further than positive reinforcement in situations like that. The other nice benefit is, being the recognized “leader” you’ll likely be able to take back control of the meeting and keep to the agenda on time when people get off track or bogged down.

I think it all depends on why its happening.
1. It could be you just have a commanding aura about you. Some people are natural leaders.
2. It could be that you tend to get impatient when things become time sensitive.
3. Or simply, you are the boss. And they want to keep their jobs.
4. Or they are afraid of taking the lead incase things go south.
5. You may also be the only once who sees your job as important and they just see it as a weekly check and have no desire to extend themselves.
The best thing to do is go out to lunch one day with everyone. Or if that isn’t possible than order lunches for everyone and have an informal meeting. Let down you hair a little and let them know that in order to function as a team you need their imput. That you cannot possibly see what is best all the time and a fresh eye will help. Tell them that you know you may be impatient at times but you don’t want them to take it personal, but rather you have time issues and that you let it get to you sometimes and it will really relief a lot of pressure if they share their invalueable input. Sometimes, just being open helps people to realize that your not superhuman and that you are candidly asking for their help. Let them know if they have any concerns about a project that they can come to you anytime and speak in private and you will do your best to come to a compromise.