Can you be practical when you fall in love?

@daloon

Are you talking about true, deep love or about the initial stages of an infatuation?

At the start of an infatuation, I found that I was caught up in a whirlwind of feelings of excitement and joy and a constant longing to be with her. Practicality went out the window, as did good sense and good judgment. Instead of being my normal, cautious self, I became reckless, infused with love and desire and I would lose my bearings, wrapped up by the headiness of the first stages of love and desire and discovery.

All too often, these situations turned out badly because I was so in love that I crowded the object of my desires and pushed them away and it took me a long time to realize what I was doing to myself and how I was destroying what I wanted to preserve.

When I was older, I tended to take this more slowly. I rarely became infatuated with a girl and waited and let things take their natural course. Things worked out and I had longer lasting relationships and in the instances where I got caught up in what might have been infatuation I managed to control myself and the relationship.

When I met my wife, I almost fell into the infatuation trap, I was so impressed with her and so attracted to her and so utterly comfortable with her that I got caught up in the whirlwind. I managed to lower my intense feelings and let things progress but about three months into it, I got the feeling that I was once again crowding a woman in an early stage of a relationship and I did not want to blow this one. So I backed off. Luckily she recognized my actions are beneficial and not as a sign of disinterest and we stayed on an even keel.

That was a long time ago and I am still completely captivated by her but we are adults and the way we view each other is tempered by over twenty years of marriage. Our mutual affection is always there but it does not cloud our judgments and we still cast a critical eye at each other’s actions. Every year or so, I still have to remember to back off a little.

SRM

nope…pretty much everything goes out the window… that’s why I’m single… :-D

I think that any time a person’s emotions are running high, it’s difficult to act logically. At least, that’s my experience. However, after surviving many a “honeymoon” phase, I finally realized that I no longer wanted to completely disregard the rest of my life for anyone, so I now make a conscious effort to try to keep my head on straight when I meet someone new.

Now as far as being in love with someone and acting rationally past the infatuation stage… well, one too many dirty socks on the floor makes that easy ;)

I can be practical when in the early stages of love.

When men are in the chemical phase of infatuation, they may or may not be more carried away than women. I don’t think it depends on gender so much as on the individual.

I tend to be pretty practical in a relationship. Occasionally that leads people to believe that I’m a bit on the cold side, but I think I’m pretty good at keeping a balance between affection and practicality (I am a Libra, after all—balance is kind of my thing).

I think it has to do with the fact that I’m not really one for infatuation—it takes a long time for me to develop deep feelings for someone, and I have to know them pretty well as a friend. That way, when the time comes that I choose to take the friendship to the next level, we have already established a more “neutral” means of interacting without acting like giddy schoolchildren when we’re together.

Often times I’ve been in the situation where I have to be the practical one because being impractical would lead to some serious repercussions. Developing feelings for someone who already has a girlfriend, for example. It’s happened to me a couple times, and I’ve had to do everything in my power to prevent doing something stupid. Thankfully I have pretty strong self-restraint.

It’s easy to be infatuated with your SO like @borderline_blonde said, which after a while kind of fades away, making it easier to be more practical. I admit to being like that when I first started going out with my current boyfriend, but I didn’t neglect the rest of my life for him.

It seems to me that one’s relationship history can determine how practical they are in a relationship. I was single for a long time, all through the tumultuous years of high school and well into college, and went through a lot of shit basically on my own. Because of that I have a pretty strong sense of self and can get along just as well whether single or in a relationship. It’s nice to have the companionship of a SO, but it doesn’t change who I am inside.

When it comes to love, love is another form of state of mind. Love isn’t rational, and doesn’t really require thinking for it to be in its purest and unconditional form.

My wife and i flipped out over each other at the same time, when we first met and dated. this is normal when two p[eople are in love with each other. whats not normal is what we did after we were married. instead of buying a few pieces of new furniture at a time, we both bought a whole housefull of new, expensive furniture at one time. this was back in the 60s when furniture was cheaper, but the quality was still excellent. how could i afford this on a cops salary? how could my wife afford this on her department store salary? we could not afford this furniture, but we bought it anyway. we still have it today. what overcame us to make such a daring move? just crazy in love and out of focus with the world, thats all.

Fact from fictiom, truth from diction. I always go into it with a logical rational outlook at least once I got out of the 11th grade. I assume whatever I am feeling to be temporary, a spark destin to flame out any minute up to a month. The only thing that keeps the flame going is to know as much about who and what she is to a point I feel comfortable. She could be labled as US magazines top 50 most beautiful women in the world but if I am not comfortable with her she might as well be Rosie O’Donnell or Delta Burke.

No, for love I risk all.

My experience is love isn’t so much something you fall in, as much as something you step in.

I think it depends on the person. I’ve seen people throw everything they love out the window to keep the person they love. I’ve been in love twice and the first time I broke it off. Everything in my being wanted me to go to him and beg for him to take me back, but I knew once the love faded a bit I would regret staying with him. So I let him go. I knew he didn’t love me as much as I loved him and I would feel like the runner up and always wonder how long before he found his real prize, plus I suspected he sold drugs and this was after he knew how I felt about drug trafficers. I married my second love with eyes wide open. No guessing, no doubts or fears. Been with him for 28 years. Basically I think it comes down too, to how much do you love yourself.

Honestly, I dont’ think so. You loose all form of logic, reasoning, and common sense when you are in love. Now love (true love) is probably the most wonderful and the most powerful force in the entire universe. Now there are people who haven’t experienced true love or are unable to really take in its full effects but anybody who is under the full force of this powerful emotion cannot be considered logical when it comes to the object of their devotion.

@Tenpinmaster You know that the so call true love is just lust at first. Its just a chemical reaction in the brain. It would be like saying that it is insanity. If I went with that logic than anyone who killed their lover should never be held accountable because they loose all reason. (Insanity) You still maintain logical reasoning between right and wrong, only you choose what is best. Lets say (and it has happened) a person saws off their own hand to save their life. Doesn’t mean he didn’t like his hand any less than the rest of us. But self preservation of life was more important than the pain or the hand. Now I couldn’t do that. I would wait too long and be too weak to do anything. However cutting off someone from your life who you truly love can be done. For me self preservation was important. I logically knew that people survive losing a love one everyday. I loved my dad when he died but I didn’t die with him. Losing love ones in life is a part of life. If love was that in control of your total senses, then there would be a lot more murders, and stalkers than there is currently. And women and men would never leave their cheating partner. I’ve seen women divorce their cheating spouse. Now they truly loved there spouse but just because she put their needs above someone who didn’t love them back doesn’t mean they must’ve never really loved their spouse. Other emotions just as strong step in. Anger, hate, sadness, bitterness and yes you can hate someone and love them at the same time. I agree true love is a beautiful thing but it will only kill you if you let it and don’t think that you are of any real importance without it.

@pandora that opened up a very interesting perspective. Thank you. That makes a lot of sense.