Parents/Family of someone who has been accussed of being a child molester, what was your initial reaction?
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Trance24 (
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January 10th, 2010
As a child I was sexually abused by my step father at the time, this was obviously very traumatic for me. However, I have been thinking about the family and parents of the child molester. Especially in a case like mine where I was molested not by a stranger but my step father. My mother did not find out until a was older around the age of ten, what she felt the most from what I could tell is guilt.
My step father was never taken to court about the abuse so was never convicted. Never the less I am still curious as to how those who have found out that their sons (or daughters) have turned out to be child molesters, or spouses that have discovered their husband/wife has been molesting either their children or other children. This is a side of these cases I have never really explored and was curious. Have any of you encountered this?
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6 Answers
I am familiar with a situation where a mother was told by her older daughters that they were being molested by the mother’s husband – their stepfather. The mother pretended she never heard it and did nothing to fix the situation. The man eventually molested both of his step-daughters and his biological daughter. So in this case the reaction was denial.
As far as distant relatives, I have a great uncle who was accused of molesting his step-daughter. Of course as soon as they heard, the entire immediate and extended family refused to believe it. Personally I towed the family line at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I believed he probably did exactly what he was accused. It made me very sad for that little girl.
Denial seems to be common. I guess no one wants to believe that about their own family member or husband/wife. Its sad, because that is exactly what my step fathers family has done, they have gone into denial. My mother initially had denial, but then followed by guilt for not taking action sooner. I do not think I will ever understand why people will let a child suffer, just because the perpetrator is one of their own.
I have a patient who required hospitalization when a molestor was discovered in his household. Severe depression. He had significant pre-existing psych illness.
A family member was accused of such. From what I heard, the story was believable. It just made my stomach turn. No one ever proved anything. Nonetheless, I do not allow my child to be alone with this person.
People has a legal obligation to report these things and can be jailed for failing to do so, at least in some jurisdictions. In addition, they have a moral obligation to do so.
None the less, denial and protecting the alleged abuser is far too common.
If you have been sexually abused by anybody and your family denies it, go to the Police. You may succeed in protecting your friends and siblings from the same abuse.
Do not wait – there are time limits to prosecute offenders.
I’ve not been in the situation. However, depending on the relative, I’d probably want some damned good evidence before shunning them to the point of oblivion.
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