What kind of crazy things have you done because of your fear of loss?

I’ve made myself physically ill and pretty much forsaken all rationality for a time… that sucked and looking back on it was probably the very definition(s) of crazy – separated from common reality (to an extent anyway) and doing the same things over and over and consistently expecting a different result each time. (mentioned it here)

Though I can’t say it was all bad, it gave me a lasting perspective I had never had before and a much greater appreciation for many things in life. I guess I could say I’d have done fine without it but I’m certainly better for it.

Ignoring insults left, right and centre. Ignoring apparent attempts at a breakup. Ignoring cheating. Ignoring a whole lot of other basic common courtesy.

Yeah, I’ve just done a lot of stupid bullshit to stay in a relationship.

I’m a little better with it now.

I never analyzed the power-relationship, If my lady wanted me to do something, It was “oui, mon chere” and I did it. We each had a good idea of the others needs, moods and supported each other. I never feared her, but often feared for her unpredictable PTSD triggers.

Hello sugar. I see that you’ve read my response on another thread. That pleases me. I also see that as I thought, you perceive yourself to be in a low power position. You should be aware that you probably have more power than you realize. Putting up with inappropriate behaviour is not a good dynamic for a healthy relationship. I hope you can bring yourself to end that and get a higher value for yourself. Do you know the Desiderada? “You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”
Be well. Look to your own power. It’s there, believe me.

The only thing I have done because of this kind of fear is not always stand up for myself or not disagree with an SO even if I felt strongly that they were in the wrong. I’m sure we’ve all done that so it’s not exactly crazy.

The craziest thing I have done through fear of loss is plan my suicide. Of course I didn’t tell anyone that I had my “back up plan” all figured out should I find myself alone. I don’t like to think about that.

Nothing….I can’t force anyone to stay in a relationship and going overboard or trying to do something unrealistic and outside the relationship norm is phony, contrived and not sustainable. Of course I got bummed over the ending of the relationship but life is pretty crazy at times and too short to sweat the details over a failed relationship. It is what it is and nothing I can do to change it.

I believe that if I left he would let me go, and that hurts and brings tears to my eyes just typing that. I have told him that if there is anything he wants me to do, then I will do it. Whatever that might be I will do it. I never want him to even think about straying. When I ask him this he always says “why would I, you give me everything you can and anything I want”, but men are men.

I once took back a partner who had cheated on me because I didn’t think I could bear to be without him but my hurt and anger caused me to kind of torture him mentally and eventually I started feeling more shamed by him than needy so we broke up.

In my current relationship, I’ve been kind of crazy in that I’ve walked away a few times on purpose so as not to feel like I was losing myself in him just in case he didn’t feel serious about me. He has pushed me away several times in order to protect himself just in case I was to turn fickle on him. We have since exposed our self sabotaging habits to each other and try to nip any weirdness in the bud so we can let ourselves feel and trust in love more than fear it.