Why is my ex-boyfriend stalking me?

It is alarming; stalking is a crime, and you can file for an order of protection, which I suggest you do immediately. Men who stalk have the potential to become violent. Whatever you do, don’t meet with him, exchange emails or texts, or speak with him on the phone.

AND what @pdworkin said, seriously.

Could it be an accidental chance encounter, that he happened to be there to bowl, and didn’t know whether or not to speak to you?

Does a single instance after eight months constitute stalking?

It does if it’s frightening. One only has one’s intuition to go by, and if she is scared, I assume there is something going on. Isn’t that what we tell our children when we are worried about predators, to use their intuition?

I would hesitate to call one incident “stalking”, but that would certainly bother me; especially as you imply a difficult past w/him. If it continues, I would take action.

I will be completely candid about this, because I just hate stalkers. The guy either wants: in your pants, or tired of getting into his current girlfriend’s pants. If this goes on, action should be taken…drastic action. Cut off all ties with this person, and don’t start a conversation with these kind of people at all costs. From your description, he seems like the kind of guy who would suspect a crush from any girl who talks to him…

As other posters have said, if this is the only instance, I don’t think it qualifies as stalking. It sounds more like he coincidentally showed up at the bowling alley, saw you there, and didn’t know how to react. It sounds like you’re both younger, and I would guess he panicked and ended up just staring at you. If he hasn’t seen you in a long time or talked to you, it’s entirely possible he tried asking your sister about you because he’s simply curious, or wants to “rebuild” a bridge so to say and be able to talk to you again.

Stalking, is like, if he ends up EVERYWHERE you are, and continuously bothers you. Like a friend of mine our frosh year of college had a “seemingly-nice” guy in one of her classes. Non-chalantly she shared her schedule with a group of people that she was talking with, including him. Within a week he was in all of her classes. She was showing up at her dorm uninvited, and calling her. This went on for a week or two while she told him she wasn’t interested. THAT is stalking (which btw she had difficulty getting a restraining order even with that level of stalking, so don’t even waste your time with this lone incident).

Unless it continues, just forget about it.

According to the law in Tennessee, no. one incident is not enough to qualify for an arrest warrant here. it takes at least three different dates and times. also, physical evidence is required….like leaving you notes or numerous text messages or sending you flowers. just “showing up” one time at a bowling is not stalking. you have to show repetition in making contact with you.

It seems to me that stalking has to include some element of perceived menace. Does it not? Otherwise how do you distinguish that behavior from the behavior of adolescents in love?

@Jeruba haven’t you ever just “felt” that something is wrong? I believe that “feeling” is a result of a sophisticated unconscious evaluation apparatus. It could be sending you a wrong signal, but what is the point of taking a chance?

perceived menace

It may be one instance, but if it’s his intent, the next could be the one that gets her hurt or even worse killed.

If you are scared or concerned, talk to the local police (WITH your parents) to see what you can do about the situation. A restraining order might be a bit much at this point, but I would let the proper authority decide on that one!!

I dunno how so many people are thinking this guy is like sitting outside her window. It sounds like a coincidence, and a youthful guy panicking. Now if there’s a history of this, then you have a case. But frankly I find it insulting that we’re all considering this guy some dirt bag, especially considering I’ve been in his shoes before.

A restraining order on some poor kids record because he coincidentally showed up at a bowling alley where his x of 8 months ago was bowling, would be pretty harsh (that’s assuming the judge didn’t just laugh it out of court). Take a step back, and breath.

She likes him: —> “Why doesn’t he call?”
She doesn’t like him: —> “He’s stalking me.”

As a mother of young men, I can tell you they don’t know how to read minds.

He and I broke up because of several things he did and I could very easily press charges, he’s almost 19 and I’m 16. This isn’t the first time and I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been asking about me. I find this rather alarming. I can’t stand him and this isn’t the first time an ex has done this to me. My other ex still stalks me on occassion that I had to get teachers at the school to keep him away. But he still ended up following me all summer even though he has a girlfriend. I don’t want to “jump the gun” on this ex, but another creepy ex is the last thing I need. And both ex’s have a couple things in common that are almost eery.

The take away from this is that you need to change your taste in boys. Try dating a different sort of guy next time.

The thing I get from this is you’re 16, and probably seeing things that aren’t there.