Can you please tell me what to do about my ex-brother-in-law?

That’s a head scratcher, how do you think she would react if she found out he asked you out and you didn’t tell her?

Let it go. He was just trying to hurt her, and you cut it off. That’s enough. If you tell her, he will have succeeded.

Sounds like he is just trying to make trouble

@RareDenver I think it would start WW III between them. I am very close to my sister and this is the first time I have been stumped about wheather I should tell her something or not.

He wants you to tell her. Don’t be his puppet.

@pdworkin I think you may be right. Thanks

Just keep it to yourself for now and only tell her if she asks specifically if he has called you or hit on you.

Maybe someday she would be able to hear it, but since you read him the riot act and didn’t go anywhere with him, then nothing really happened.

@newbee I go with tell her. If you don’t and she finds out anyway not only will she be pissed at him but she’ll be pissed at you for not telling her.

Answer the phone a couple of times and tell him Flat out that your not interested and please don’t call, give it two or three calls then thing about the If you should tell her.

I would tell her. You don’t want him to tell her; she will be mad at you then.

@RareDenver That’s the big problem. I don’t want to start a fight between them and sure don’t want this to cause a fight between my sister and me.

@newbee I would say that between her being pissed at her ex husband and her being pissed at her loving and caring sister then her being pissed at her ex is the lesser of two evils.

Think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you found out your ex had hit on her and she never told you?

Sometimes being a good friend means protecting your friends (or family in this case) from themselves. At this point, nothing has happened. There is nothing, and no reason to tell your sister. What is heard cannot be unheard. I think this is something better left in the dark. There are situations where lying can be good. This is one of them. Worse case scenario, he can accuse you of whatever he wants… and you can simply deny it, and say it is him being crazy, and leave it at that.

let it go, he’s irrelevant to your lives now, no need to make it otherwise unless he’s the kind of jackass that’s likely to bring it up just to rub salt in the wound, in which case tell her and enjoy ruminating over any further actions that her lawyer thinks might be worth pursuing just for fun (preferably over a good bottle of wine, paid for from the ex’s pocket).

I agree with @pdworkin & @mowens – he is shit stirring and trying to cause problems. He wants you to tell her and that would certainly make him feel powerful if there was a fight over it.

Let it go. His word against yours.

I agree with @pdworkin too. It may be hard to not tell her, I know that it would be near impossible for me to keep anything from my sister. But I am willing to be that he will tell her anyway. If his ploy to hurt her did not work by using you, then he’ll try a different way.

I would tell her. Whatever damage it does will pale in comparison to the damage that will come from her finding out that you didn’t tell her. And if her ex is such an evil schemer he may well make that scenario happen.

Also, she might resent you for trying to “protect” her from the truth that she feels she has a right to know.

Put him in a big slingshot and hurl him into the sun.

Don’t be loyal to that loser… tell your sister.

Is this something relevant enough where when you are older, like 60, you would look back on it and say you should have proceeded differently? If it is then you should talk and if he’s just a weasel baiting you then don’t waste your time.

I’d say, don’t tell her. If she finds out & confronts you, you can tell her that you figured he was just trying to start trouble & you didn’t want to help him.

Did anything happen? No
Does she know he’s an ass? Yes
Will you be telling her anything new? NO

She needs to get where dealing with him isn’t giving her an ulcer and causing her hair to fall out. Telling her at this point will neither inform her, or make her feel more in control of dealing with the relationship.

If you tell her, can you keep it really low-key and not word it in an inflammatory way?—for example, in a calm voice, “By the way, Sis, I had a call from Hugo. He wanted to see me, but I said I wasn’t interested in getting together. I wouldn’t let that guy come between us, so don’t worry.”

I am not at all sure there’s any need to tell her, as long as you feel sure she’d realize he was just trying to use you to get at her and you didn’t let him.

I see you dilemma. But if I were you I would tell my sister, From personal experience, my brother in law did the same thing only they were still married. I never told her because I didn’t want to hurt her, But she was killed in a car wreck in 06 and he tried again after she died. I wish I would have told her the first time, Now I will never have the chance to tell her how sorry I am for not saying something sooner. He is a POS. He always was and I could never for the life of me figure what she had seen in him. They were married when she was 15, had kids, divorced for his cheating, she forgave him and Married him again. They were married at the time of her death. My advice to you is to tell your sister, you never know how much time you have left with her and she needs to know so that she doesn’t take him back and he don’t hurt her again. That is your sister this is a sort of protection you can offer her… She will thank you for letting her see his True Colors… Good Luck to you.

Wow, that’s why it’s a good idea to keep a crowbar, a shovel, and a bag of lye in your trunk.

Don’t volunteer it, but let her know if asked.

I would tell her – she’d know, from it sounds like, that he’s just being an ass…after all, she knows he was a jerk off in their marriage.

I’m of the tell her persuasion. Far better to have these things out in the light of day I reckon, he may or may not want you to tell her but I would not let that have any bearing on your decision.

I agree with those who say he’s just trying to cause trouble. How worse to hurt your sister than to have this on your mind where you’re tormented to tell her or not, he’s gambling you will. Fark him off and never mention it to her and if he ever approaches you again, pretend you never heard his proposition and shut him down.