Any advice for a guy in his midlife crisis?

if you’re in Europe buy this one: http://www.autospies.com/images/users/agen23/WORLD-SERIES-Clio-Renault-Sport-4.jpg

if you’re in the US buy this one: http://www.foodfacts.info/blog/uploaded_images/tall-hamburger.jpg

My friend, you are not alone. most men face this crisis, especially when the mid-ages confront us. its kind of like a “wake up call’ for middle-age men. we wake up one morning and look in the mirror. what do we see? how did my hair turn grey overnight? look at my stomach, i have got to go on a diet!! you are waiting for a traffic light to turn green and wonder where did my life go all of a sudden? i want to do this and i wanted to do that. its all very normal. i did this myself. but, then i was brought back down to the reality of life by looking at the photos of my wife, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. i tell myself, well, john you had a great and happy life and its not over, yet. i can say this to you out of experience…...if you live long enough, until your children are grown and are still married, the best is yet to come for you. it happened here. wife and i are “dating” each other again as if the years past never happened. its our time to have fun once again in life. this time is coming for you. keep this in mind and hopefully it will place a smile on your face. john

o.k. stop looking behind, start looking ahead, 90% of the things you wanted to can be done (except for being an astronaut I guess) as you put it, you have a wonderful life and thus the most important things in anyone’s life are there… So… if you still don’t feel like you found again the “joy of life” remeber there’s nothing than a hug, a kiss or a cool looking 2 seat car can’t solve (and also remember, bikes are just too dangerous so put that idea away)
Think of new things you want to do! When I was a kid I wanted to be in a star wars film and meet Bill Clinton, one happened, one did not…

although i hate policeman and i usually wish them to die i am really happy for you @john65pennington

Think about how upsetting it was as a ‘youth’ when you barely knew how to take care of yourself (let alone kids) and were just trying to meet somebody to spend your time with. That should help with current concerns.

And dedicate some time to completing a hobby/project that seems out of your abilities. It’ll force you to learn something new which always makes me feel great.

Thanks sebulba. hey, all of us not bad people. we have a job to do and we get in our pants in the morning, just like you do. older cops are like a fine wine with lots of age.

What? It’s as easy as buying a sports car, getting a new hobby or looking a photos? And for what? So chicks will turn their heads, or you can whittle an owl or wax nostalgic over the little bambinos? Give me a fucking break.

It may have a stupid name, but midlife crises, whatever they are, deserve greater attention. You look at your place in the world, and find yourself wanting, and you realize you don’t have much time left to achieve what you meant to achieve. And it’s not just a single point in time crisis. It’s spread out, growing as you watch yourself age, but also as you are frustrated by yourself, as something inside is missing.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I know I want some kind of unique contribution to the world. Something people care about. What’s frustrating is it’s hard to tell whether what you’ve done means anything to anyone else. And don’t give me that crap about doing it for your own enjoyment. No one’s tastes are created in a void. Every choice we make is informed by what we’ve learned about others and their preferences.

We do things because of their worth in our tribe, and I’m no different. We may do different things, but that’s because we believe in them—that others don’t see their worth—yet. But when you’ve been doing your thing for so many years, and people haven’t seen the worth yet, or they have seen it, but it’s not the appreciation you expected —that’s when the crisis hits.

What the fuck have I been doing? Have I been wasting my time? Can I fix this, or do I need to start something new? Should I give up and just have as much fun as I can, or should I keep going?

And if I need to change, what about my current responsibilities? What about the people I love? If I change dramatically, it will affect them all with similar force.

Yes, people love to make fun of the cliche. But I think that’s because the underlying issues make us so uncomfortable. They create the potential for huge upheaval; huge damage. It’s about meaning. The meaning we make of ourselves. It’s about coming to grips with those lifelong dreams that have been pushing us forward—especially the dreams we never were aware of, but were pushing us unconsciously.

I don’t know the answer. I can’t help anyone. I am perfectly inadequate to that task, and many others. I am insignificant in the eyes of my tribe, and that kills me. Maybe literally. Why should I have to be significant? No particular reason, except that was how I was brought up.

It feels like it’s now or never. Never lasts a long, long time. I don’t know if I’ll ever give up hope. Maybe it isn’t just now, but also some time in the future. But there will come a day when I give up hope, and that will be the day I die.

I have discovered, too little and too late, that brooding on what I don’t have, haven’t done and will never do is counterproductive. I wake up each day content to have woken up.

When I take Milo’s dirty litter into the woods, I am happy that I can walk and that I have woods. When I bring my lentil soup (so what if I burned the barley a little?) to to friend with a broken hand, I am happy that I can still cook something tasty and that my right hand and arm isn’t in a case, and that I have a friend.

This is all pretty elementary and I had to do years of hard work to arrive at now, the present, a gift in every sense of the word.

@john65pennington I don’t think it’s just men; I think for most of us there comes a time when we realize there are things that we, realistically, are never actually going to do. The trick is to be happy with what we have accomplished & will still be able to do.
@gailcalled ‘Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift
That’s why it’s called the present!’ (I don’t remember where I saw that!:-))

@gailcalled If indeed being happy with what you have is the answer, then some of us are on a journey that may not hit that town. I think it is ok to live with longing. After all, is not longing something that I have?

@daloon: I can speak only from my own experiese, which had its own tragedies. I wish I could steer others on a healthy path. I am not trying to do that. You decide what is OK and what is not, but you seem to be more introspective than most of my friends. Good or bad? That’s your trip.

@gailcalled Ooh, ooh -typo. Caught ya!

2nd Answer: you only get to go around once in this life, so you have to make every minute count. i have tried to. lets face it, some people will never accomplish what their dreams were not meant to be. i have been fortunate in life. my only real dream left to fulfill is a simple one…......to go on a sleigh ride. thats it. midlife crisis is hard for some men to digest. their life is passing before them in a hurry and they cannot catch the train. its there a solution for their problem? each person makes their own destiny. i can sit on my rear and watch the time fly by or i can jump up and make things happen. this should be your future motto. “i can make things happen”.

Here’s my favorite mantra on the subject: You’ll never be as young again as you are today. Enjoy it.

dude embrace what you have.

i went on a date with a guy who was 33 last week. he wore a ramones shirt, had floppy hair, played bass in a covers band and had been in his admin job for 5 weeks. the dick was living in the past big time, and he was still only in his 30s.

there is NOTHING more tragic than someone who tries to claw back their youth. you sound like you’ve got it all sorted, so appreciate the things you do have instead of wanting what you dont have.

If you can’t get a Harley (or mc of choice) at least get some gear!

@Sebulba You are my favourite person for the day.

Depends what it is, really. You could go for some part time study, try to change your career, perhaps. If that’s what you’re talking about.

But if you mean something along the lines of an astronaut, give up. Wait for Richard Branson to come through on his space flights.

Enjoy that now you are focused on your 2nd leg of life and probably have prioritized your wants and urges in order to spend time on what really is fulfilling to you. If you haven’t those things then now’s your time to get on board and get busy. You are given one mortal life, use it wisely and have fun.