What do you wish their reaction had been?

arg yeah this happened when i broke up with a dude – clearly not to the same horrific extent as your experience, but he just kind of said he understood and went off on his own to deal with it. i kinda wanted him to put up a fight and prove his passion and devotion, but nay, rationalism and saving face reigned.

im sure your parents have just done what they hoped was best for you – its an extreme situation and i guess they figured a response fraught with intensity wouldnt help you to deal with it.

I’ve been stung by this many, many times in my life. Expecting a certain reaction from the other is always risky. For one thing, nobody but you knows what you want (or don’t want) to hear. For another, you probably can’t tell how he/she is really reacting inside—outward appearance and words may mask the other’s true emotions.

Thanks for your answer @bumface, and welcome to fluther!

@Austinlad – sometimes I tell people what reaction I want from them before I say what I’m going to say. Then I let them give me their genuine reaction. :)

When I got my Distinction… party poppers, champagne, whoop whoops, dancing, loud glorious music, yummy food, big hugs, great huge banners, “Surprise!!!”, presents, laughing, fun, drink, games… lists and lists of all my good attributes…

or maybe I just want that anyway….

I wish my ex wife would’ve amicably agreed to divorce lol.

there have definitely been some job interviews I wish had ended up differently

I wish MY reaction had been different, I wish I hadn’t let her walk away and out of my life.. I miss you, Jenny :(

Ouch, Cupcake, I can see why you were hurt. Maybe they thought they were doing the best thing by keeping their cool, but righteous indignation from our loved ones is an important way for them to show that they care. Have you ever talked to them about how their reaction made you fee?

Yes, quite a few times, especially with my parents. The first time, I had broken up with a guy who was cheating on me. They simply said, “Oh, he’s not cheating on you” (they idolized him and thought he was this perfect guy). They were dismissive of my hurt feelings, which I ended up repressing for quite a while. The cycle repeated itself when I told them that I’d been sexually harrassed by someone at my college. They just didn’t even care. But those experiences spurred me onto maturity, because I saw that they couldn’t be counted on for emotional support. Instead, I learned to be more self-reliant.

@lonelydragon – Good advice LD. I think the parents might have been torn. I’m sure they wanted to kill the guy, but felt they shouldn’t let the child see that. I’ll be interested in her response to you.

Nah @lonelydragon. They did their best. I’m not upset or anything… it’s been 14 years. A few years ago my mom finally listened to me tell the whole story – that helped.

When I ended my marriage of 20 years, it ended most of my friendships as well. Every single one of my “mommy buddies” decided that since they couldn’t see any problems in my marriage they must not have been there. I wish they had listened to me and tried to understand that the choice I made was not the selfish one they seemed to see it as. Then I wish they would have supported my decision.

@evandad Thanks. That’s pretty much what I was thinking.

@Cupcake That’s good. I hope you were able to receive closure from the event.

When I told my best friend about a similar situation and they used my pain as a topic for dinner conversation.I learned a long time ago that others cannot be expected to act the way you want them to.It’s just a matter of how much BS you are willing to tolerate.

I once made the mistake of confiding to my mother I’d become pregnant while on birth control, hoping for some comfort and support. Her reaction was to scold me as if I’d not done something right and I was now a f**k up. What I wanted her to say how sorry she was for me and how nothing’s guaranteed and not always fair and to ask me how could she help me through the whole situation.