How do you interpret silence?

Disappointment.

My nephew is an arrogant ass, who treated his mother horribly. Now, he extracts revenge by refusing to talk to her, or allowing his children to see her.
I am not sure if he is doing more harm to her now, or before. I refuse to talk to him because of the pain he causes her.
And she doesn’t deserve this. She was a strict Mom, but this is uncalled for.
He is a Christian, but one of the bad examples that shame the religion.

What do you really mean by that question?

I don’t think there is any one interpretation. There can be as many shades of silence as there are colors of shadow. Four hours of gentle silence from my husband may mean that he is busy and contented, wrapped up in his own interests. My son can pack so much silence into one minute that you know he is pissed as hell.

A friend of mine suddenly went silent about eight years ago, giving me no clue and spurning my efforts to restore contact. This past Christmas I received a card from her apologizing for the abrupt way she had ended our friendship, asking me to forgive her and let her know how I am. I wrote back immediately saying yes, of course I forgive her and I’ve missed her, and adding this: if I gave some offense, please tell me how, so I can make amends. Not a word from her since.

I have another beloved friend who may disappear for three or four years at a time and yet always comes back with warm, effusive greetings and scatterbrained apologies. It is always all right.

Four different stories there.

In an argument or any form of communication….silence is extremely effective. Silence is the most powerful sound you will ever hear.

@filmfann

“I refuse to talk to him because of the pain he causes her.”

DOES NOT COMPUTE

You don’t at my house.

@Ivan My nephew is causing my sister great anxiety. She has lupus, and stress is really bad for her.
My nephew has always considered me his favorite uncle. I refuse to talk to him until he stops upsetting his mom.
Maybe you need more memory.

It needs no interpretation

Paul Watzlawick, in his text about communication theory, said that yes means yes, no means no, and no answer means no, too.

@susanc That’s how I had been interpreting it, but I wasn’t sure, and wondered how other people saw it. Thank you. GA!

.

Usually there is an underlying reason for this type of silent treatment. and if we are honest, We usually know – deep down – the reason, whether we’ll admit to it or not.
I’m generally a quiet sort of bloke and folks who know me know this, they also know if theres a problem because the silence is also twinned with an “atmosphere” or attitude.
If there is an issue you are dealing with, apart from the silence, what else is different? Silence is only one of the symtoms in my experience…....

If someone goes silent on me I let it be. I know when I go silent it’s because I feel there is nothing more to say. During my three decades of marriage there have been times when my husband or I clammed up on each other and what I know now is it’s part of our process we needed silence.

Friend @daloon, how shall we interpret your silence?

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.

I have always thought that this lyric has been the best explaination of how silence feels when it comes from someone you love and care about… “Silence is the loudest parting word you never say…”

Please explain why your silence makes more noise than thunder.

Silence is a VERY strong argument in itself.

The silence leaves you to interpret for yourself what the other person is thinking.

You are then left with deciding whether you said or did something that offender the other.

Think about it… in silence of course !!

@wundayatta You are quite articulate and most interesting to read. I’m sorry you’ve had such rough times though. I sincerely Thank You for your heartfelt sharing. May others find comfort and answers too.

For me, growing up in a family with incredible addiction and power issues I had a mixed soup of all variations of toxic silence: (and then some…) Silence wore many masks.

I have often seen and experienced Silence be used as a weapon in my family.
I have often seen and experienced Silence be used as a shield to hide behind, and used as a kind of punishment to manipulate others.

I have personally used Silence as the last stone thrown effort in attempts to shatter a wall that another has placed for their protection, after my words were not effective. (Sort of a Silent Pissing contest) But not after numerous attempts of unsuccessful verbal communication.

Sometimes during the crazy times, I would turn to Silence as my Silent Partner and find comfort.

Silence has been hurtfully misused as a weapon in a toxic power struggle.

Scars from Silence can be so deep. I may never know any of the reasons for it all. For who knows how many and deep their silent scars run. So many family members scars are tangled. I’m not even certain they had an inkling.

For me, the best kind of Silence is when there just are no words needed. And you just ..know. I prefer this use by far. Like a comforting companion. Like a Home.

but, hey, look at the bright side….that’s where I learned how to nag!!! (kidding!)

I hope things will clear up for you and your friend soon.

Another GQ. I will answer this one, @wundayatta, on condition: if you are checking in from time to time during this hiatus, and happen upon this answer – PM me – or just get back to fluthering – as you are missed.

I had a bad episode (illness) at a family occasion. I excused myself right at the beginning, but subsequently sat in the car, feeling really bad, and fell asleep. In short – I pretty much missed the whole thing.

I apologized the next day to the family member – and sent a couple of text messages explaining what had happened.

Silence ensued. Weeks went by. Then months.

I figured he was angry with me, we weren’t that close anyway – we lived quite far away from each other and rarely got together anyway. But it bugged me. The silence. More than anything, the silence.

I texted him again last week. He said he never got the other messages I referred to – thought we’d just not been in touch as usual, and would I like to come visit sometime?

They’ll be coming here this evening for dinner.

The silence from the object of your affection is a message. It means “I’m not interested anymore” and “you mean nothing to me and all that was a play while waiting for someone better to show in my life”

I am still going through this with a dear friend of mine. About 14 months ago, she got upset with me over something petty (basically a misunderstanding). She would not talk about it at the time, nor has she spoken to me since. I have apologized several times (even though I did not feel like I had really done anything wrong on the order of her treatment of me), through e-mail and voice messages (since she would never call me back or pick up the phone).

Even now, when the pain is still there, I would forgive her this treatment in a heartbeat if we could just talk and make things right. But for my own sake and emotional health, I have had to emotionally detach myself from her, otherwise my heart would have broken long before now over what was (I thought), a true friendship.