When is the best time for a woman to have a baby? before or after college?

Before college?! You mean people actually say that a woman should start a family, then after that juggle her time between her husband, baby and studying? Why not finish your studying so that you can focus more time on your family?

Or wait, I think I’ve got a better idea. Why not start a family after college and after you get a job? That way you have a secure income and more life experience to support your family.

In my opinion, formal education is never a waste. It’s education. The skills you’ve been taught and the knowledge that you’ve gained will help in many other ways, and you won’t find yourself at a disadvantage if you do decide to pursue a job later on in life (assuming the woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom).

Who says a woman should 1) Marry right out of high school and 2) Have a baby when she is a baby herself?

Talk about limiting one’s future and the future of one’s child.

I never think it is a good idea to have a baby right after marriage. Marriage takes some adjustment.

Also, I agree with @Saturated_Brain that education is never a waste. Education produces a more educated citizen.

Before college? Surely she would only be a teen then.

@Dibley Not necessarily. I went to college in my mid 20’s, after the birth of my two sons.

Education is never a waste of time.

I say get a stay at home dad and then have a kid. Then you can have your career and your kid too and he can stay at home with the babies. :D

Taking care of kids takes so much of your time, you should wait till after college.

After college, sadly my cousin went to college when she was 18 for her first semester, very excited….came back a few months later pregnant. She never went back and now has 2 kids.

@JesusWasAJewbot That’s real sad.

I don’t see any benefit to starting a family before getting an education. You need money and a steady career to take care of kids succesfully. At least in my opinion.

My min age for anyone to have kids is 29, I just think thats the correct age. lol

I asked this question for several reasons. wife and i married early. she was 18 and i was 21. she became pregnant six months into our marriage. she was attending a business college and i was a student at the Univiersity of Tennessee. did having our first child at such an early age have in bearing on my wifes education? we do not think so. this was our choice. our situation has worked out perfectly for us. she finished her business college and had a beautiful baby boy. i would say that every couples situation is different? agree?

Definitely after college. She should wait until she has a job with good benefits (health care especially, day care, and sick and vacation leave, and that is used to dealing with family and medical leave). Sometimes that isn’t possible, but between her and her partner there should be a stable income to provide for the child and particularly a definite plan for paying for health care. Studies also show that couples who marry later are much less likely to divorce. If you’re planning all this out and making a conscious decision about it, a woman should wait to get married until after college, and obviously wait until after marriage to have children.

@john65pennington I think you guys just got lucky and were extremely mature, your situation kind of rare lol.

@john65pennington Every couple’s situation is different, sure, but if you want to make a general rule, marrying and having children after college is a better plan. It doesn’t mean you (or anyone else) made a bad decision, but it is the best option on average.

Also, you got married and had kids a long time ago, things have changed considerably, particularly in terms of how employers treat pregnant women and mothers.

Thanks Blackberry. our whole marriage and children have been a blessing and we know it. we sat down and planned everything in advance.

It is definitely choice and how ready that individual couple is, sorry to say this im not trying to bash men in anyway but also how ready the male is. Sometimes the female is looked at as the main caregiver for the child and the male as the main bread winner, so how ready is that male to do whatever it takes to take care of his child and his now pregnant gf. Or will he be some kind of punk and run?

Great question by the way, i tend to feel bad for my female friends who are around my age (21–24) and now have children but mostly they are single mothers as the boyfriends they once told me “Loved them soooo much” and “He wanted this baby, he kept telling me” is now gone and out of the situation. It saddens me to see women blindly put trust in certain men to allow them to impregnate them with out some certainty that they will stick around. Also the men who go and not so much “ruin” these womens lives but really fuck shit up for them by being a dirt bag and running from the situation.

Snarp. great answer. i realize that our situation was back in the stone age and today anything goes. i tried to bestow in my daughter some of the planning her parents made back when. it went in one ear and out the other. she did not follow in our footsteps and thats okay. its her life and at least we attempted to give her some direction.

After college… and long after that, too. I get that some people make it work. But I’m willing to admit that I (a college student) can barely take care of myself right now, let alone a kid.

Well, I think there are so many different situations and scenarios, it’s impossible to make a solid choice.

I, personally, never had the opportunity to attend college. As the product of a neglectful and abusive home, there was no assistance from my parents whatsoever, in fact they did more harm to my high school grades than I could have done myself.

So, yes, I have a child now, and I hope to have more. Some day, I want to attend school again – perhaps get my hands on an English degree and start teaching. For right now, I’m focusing on being the best mother I can be, which is hard enough considering I don’t really have a positive experience to draw from.

Seek Kolinahr…....this is exactly what my question was asking. are some women meant to be early mothers in life and others not? i understand your answer and i am sorry for your past. you seem to have risen above it and thats a pat on the shoulder for you. stay focused and you will have that degree. john

If you want even more stress,have a baby before college!

After.

@john65pennington

I do remember thinking even when I was very young that I wanted to have children when I was still young enough to teach them how to climb a tree and play Baseball.

I did a test yesterday at the park, and I can still do a cartwheel. I think we’re in good shape.

I think it’s up to the couple, and when they choose to have a child. Their family, their choice.

Having had my son at 20, I would recommend waiting. It makes college quite difficult.

Definitely after college. Speaking as a college student myself, I have to say that the freedom of being in college with no deep commitments is a very important experience, something that many people benefit, and would benefit, from. At no other point in your life as a young person will you have the option (even if you don’t have the means, i.e. money, time, etc., you at least still have the option) to just pack up and go anywhere, to have lunch or dinner or drinks with friends on a whim, to stay out as late as you want…granted, not everyone needs this experience, but I think it is important for people to experience this freedom…after living under your parents rules for 17 or 18 years and then going straight to marriage and parenthood, I think you would be short-changing yourself of a lot of great experiences and freedom as a young person. When you have children, you basically can’t do anything or go anywhere without doing a good amount of planning—finding a babysitter, having the money to both pay for the babysitter and the cost of wherever you are going. If you take a vacation, you either have to bring your children with you and miss out on some activities that you would like to do but are not child friendly, or, again, find and pay for a babysitter. I’m certainly not saying that having children is not worth it…but I think when you’ve been to college, had a lot of freedom for 4+ years, you’re more ready and willing to take on the responsibilities of parenthood and less likely to have regrets about your choices.

In addition, going to college often means you get a better paying job in a more professional workplace, which means that when you do have children, you have a better chance of receiving paid maternity, and possibly paternity, leave. It is also more likely that you have saved up a larger amount of money than those who have not been to college, and therefore are more likely to have the option of having one parent stay at home with the young child as long as possible. I also think it sets a good example for your children to have put such a strong priority on your education and to have waited until you graduated and had a stable career before starting a family and taking on those responsibilities.

@Frankie If I could give you ten great answers for that, I would. Great Answer.

@Snarp Thanks! :)

@Frankie Wait, do you have children at all?

Oh, and I will say…one benefit to having children prior to my career…when I get hired, they won’t have to worry about me taking maternity leave ever. But, they will have to worry about me already being a parent…possibly needing days off to care for a sick child. (my children will all be in school when I start work.) But, that’s something every parent has to deal with, no matter when you have children.

@casheroo Frankie may not have children, but seems to have a really good understanding of the responsibility it entails.

@casheroo No, I do not have children yet. And, as you can probably guess, I’m very glad I do not, because it gives me the freedom to live my life as a college student with no serious responsibilities, and do the things I want to do without having to worry about children who are absolutely dependent on me. I plan to have children when I have the means to care for them in the way that I want, and not a minute sooner—of course, sh*t happens and I might have to give up on some of the dreams I have when it comes to when I have children and how I raise them, but as of now I’m not willing to give up on those dreams.

@Snarp Not in my opinion. He (or she) does have a grasp on the superficial aspect though, and what they think it entails (like the vacation thing.)
@Frankie Your view of parenting is what you make it. I’m not saying it’s 100% wrong, but being a young parent myself..it hasn’t affected my life in the way you think it would (with your examples of no freedom and extreme planning…)
(Just to add, I’m not saying go out and have kids young..I even said in my first post that people should wait, but it is ultimately up to them when they decide to have children or to just take on that responsibility)

@casheroo I have to say, there’s nothing there about “extreme planning” or “no freedom”, just less freedom. As a parent I treasure my child and am looking forward to my second. I have done lots of travelling with my son, and loved every minute of it. Wouldn’t change it for the world, but I have to say that this statement: “finding a babysitter, having the money to both pay for the babysitter and the cost of wherever you are going. If you take a vacation, you either have to bring your children with you and miss out on some activities that you would like to do but are not child friendly, or, again, find and pay for a babysitter.” is one hundred percent accurate.

@casheroo Certainly! I would never say that my opinion is how things are for everyone…in my first post I even said that not everyone needs the freedom and experiences I described, but I think a lot of people do…or, perhaps when they’re young they think they don’t need those experiences, but 40 years down the road (or even just 10) I think a lot of them experience a bit of regret that they started that part of their lives so early. And some people, like me for example, don’t have any family close by to care for their children when they want to go out without their children in tow, and planning such a night out would take a lot of planning and extra cost.

@Snarp That’s the thing though..you can’t say it’s 100% accurate because parenting is different for everyone. In my family (extended) you help out. We only pay my young cousin, but everyone else is free..and ready and willing to babysit my son. So, it’s not a hassle for us. But, I know how lucky I am to have that, because I have many friends who are parents who have no family or friends around them…I think I’d go crazy lol. And, as for the vacation thing, I guess it’s never bothered me. I go on vacation to be with family, which includes my son. So, I never feel like I’m missing out on anything.

@casheroo I’m a she, by the way :)

@casheroo You are lucky beyond belief. I have family nearby, but the ones who can be trusted for baby sitting have other jobs and other priorities. I don’t pay aunts and uncles, but I do pay nieces (and nephews, but they’re either not interested or not yet ready). It still takes a lot of work to find people who are available. I like to go to movies and before I was a parent I went to a lot of movies, usually at least one a week. I hardly ever go to movies any more because it entails finding a sitter and often costs twice as much. I went to Vermont this summer with my family, and it was great, but I wanted to see a moose. I found a great location where I knew moose were regularly, but I knew that to see one I would have to be there before dawn, set up a blind, and wait quietly. Three year olds cannot accompany one on such an expedition. I wouldn’t have traded the hiking and exploring with my son for anything, but I sure wish I could have seen a moose.

I think that whatever one’s personal experience with their own parenthood, a person about to embark on parenthood really needs to consider all the things @Frankie mentioned very seriously. It may not end up being their experience, but it certainly lays out some of what you are getting into, and too many young people simply don’t think about these things at all.

@casheroo You’re very lucky to have such support from your extended family…if I lived close to my family, I would have that same support, but I live about 500 miles away from my nuclear family and even further from my extended family. So if I had children, my experience would be pretty much exactly what I had described…I wouldn’t be able to have randoms dinners with my girlfriends, or have a girls’ night downtown on a random Thursday night, without the planning involved with finding a babysitter and being able to afford the night out on top of the babysitter’s fee. I certainly wouldn’t be able to go to Florida for Spring Break or to Paris this summer without a lot of planning and money, and I think a lot of people my age would have the same issues.

@Frankie I’m betting we’re the same age, or I’m younger than you ;)

Perhaps, and that’s why I said a lot of people my age, not all people my age! Trust me, I understand everyone’s experience is different, which is why I’m never so naive to say that all my opinions apply to everyone.

@Frankie Whoops, wasn’t trying to imply that, I was just finding it amusing that we’re most likely the same age with completely different opinions on the matter (but we do agree that people should wait.) I’m young and chose the path of having a family and being married. Yes, it’s hard and you give up some things…but hopefully when I’m 40 and the kids are moved out, we can enjoy ourselves without youngins. Ugh. I have so many mommy friends who are in their 30s or early 40s, and I just can’t imagine waiting until then to have kids, and losing out on that time with my husband. It’s funny how I feel that way about that age, and you feel that way about your early 20s.

@casheroo Ohh okay, I gotcha now! Yes, it is very funny how our opinions are so different despite being so close in age…I just know that I’m not at a point in my life where I want to have to think about little beings who are dependent on me. I hope to be married within the next 6 or 7 years or so, but I for sure want to wait till my 30’s to have kids…my parents were married for 6 years before having children and I think that has a lot to do with how strong their marriage is, and I really want that for myself. It’s just different for everyone!

My wife is 41 and about to give birth to son number two. Son number one is 3. I sometimes think about how old we will be as grandparents, but I don’t think either one of us was really ready to have a child earlier. I’m quite confident we’re doing this at exactly the right time in our lives.

@Snarp And I think it’s great that you guys have what you wanted. I also think what @Frankie says makes me think what our parents do really has an effect on us. My parents had us young. They were 45 and grandparents! They tell me all the time how they can barely keep up with my son (he’s 2.5), and even though they do wish they had been financially stable earlier on..they’re still glad they had us young. It’s totally different for every individual.
@Snarp When is your wife due?? I’m due Feb 20th.

@casheroo The same!

@casheroo I definitely think parents’ experiences have a HUGE effect on the choices their kids make…I think my mom waited so long to have kids because her parents married at 19, had her at 20, and their marriage has never been good and my grandma in particular was not ready for children…always out with her friends and at parties and social stuff, and my mom suffered because of it. So even though she married relatively young (20), she and my dad waited until they were really ready and had enjoyed enough years alone as a young married couple before they started a family. And because their marriage is so successful, that’s what I want to emulate.

Also! @Snarp and @casheroo, my sister and my best friend were both born Feb.19, so you should definitely have your babies on the 19th, not the 20th!

There have been some interesting posts made while I took a nap with my little one. ^_^

Freedom – yep. Babysitters are expensive, and family members suck (I have no supportive relatives. None) Find a friend who has kids around the same age, and start a babysitting co-op. Neither one of us ever has to pay for a babysitter. Most of the time, though, I love bringing my son along to everything. Sure, the latest local metal concert isn’t exactly “kid friendly”, but when they say “all ages” on the flyer, they better mean it, dammit. My son started his first mosh pit at 13 months old. True story. There was a write up on it in the Tampa Metal Examiner. He’s a cool little man, and a ton of fun to be around.

And yes, I’m broke. Totally broke. Can’t help the fact that the economy collapsed, and my husband’s business with it. Should that be a determining factor when deciding to have kids? Nah. Why? Well, people have been having children without fancy Boppy pillows and $300 strollers since the beginning of time. Babies don’t cost that much when you get down to the grass roots of it. A $150 investment in cloth diapers and six months of exclusive breastfeeding makes a ridiculously cheap baby.

@Snarp

I understand where you’re coming from. My husband feels the same way.

I’ve always been a little… “too old” for my age. I had my son at 21, and was perfectly happy. When my husband was 21? Forget it. He’ll be 40 next month, and is so glad he waited to have children until he was “grown up” enough to do so. He needed his 20s and 30s to find himself.

Immediately after they marry they should unite and produce a baby asap!
and have a good time doing it allLOL!
NOW is always the best time to do anything worthwhile ;)
Making babies is always worthwhile ;)

@casheroo & @Snarp – that’s wot we need – Mothers’ Clubs on hereLOL!
No… that is truly wonderful, Girls :)
Good luck and God bless with it all.

OMG, are you kidding me? Like anyone would do better in college with more going on to distract from them getting a quality education, being able to do the work and actually learn?

Seriously, you must be kidding.

@denidowi Read carefully above. I’m not a girl. I’m just a very involved father, so maybe I sometimes come off like a mother. ;-)

I had my first right after I graduated from college so I was pregnant for the last year – I was afrad of preggo brain so I over copensated and got the best grades of the four years – I got strange looks, certainly as people thought I was too young to be pregnant…but I didnt’ care..I felt ready…and I was ready..my second baby I was pregnant with during the last bit of graduate school….less weird looks then…I had a good support system and my professors were understanding…

My advice would be to wait after college – these days everyone must have a degree to get anywhere…it’s possible to have kids but it’s harder if you’re also trying to do school…I am going for my PhD soon and planning my third child…I just like it tough, I guess