Should i ditch my "friend"?

It isn’t really fair to her that you are using her in your loneliness but secretly can’t stand her. If you can’t see her positive traits, tell her you two have nothing in common and that you don’t want to be friends with her. Tactfully let her down easily don’t just ditch her and leave her wondering. Focus on yourself and figure out what you need to do to make friends you can respect.

Sounds like she should be ditching you.

lonliness is tough but using people is pretty shitty, so yah just go your seperate ways and look forward to meeting others…

Maybe you should wait till next year, make some new friends, and spend the majority of your time with them. Hopefully she will notice, and will start to leave you alone.

You are not being a very good friend or person. You are definitely using her. The obvious inference is that if you made some other friends, you would ditch her for sure.

@Marina
I honestly don’t give a damn if i’m being a good friend, right now I need friends who actually talk to me about my problems and theirs. I’ve been through so much you can even understand, so Yeah i wanna be selfish right now.

I understand your situation. Once I was in a similar situation and I did ditch the girl. Years later I thought about it and realized how cruel and petty I’d behaved. I felt terribly, the guilt really weighted on me. Eventually I wrote her a short letter of apology but she never responded and I suspect it only embarrassed her. So learn the lesson of my mistake: don’t ditch people!

That still leaves you with the question of what to do. Hmm.

Maybe you should just try slowly moving away from her. You said you don’t share the same interests, so maybe it won’t be that hard? Maybe she won’t choose the same electives as you, or join the same clubs/groups, or hang out in the same places?

@RAWRxRandy The least you can do is stop using her. Let her down gently. Say that you don’t think you two have much in common.

Friends are a gift, regardless of how similar or different they are from you…
No one says you have to get rid of one Type to gain another. Keep her and make more, and those who insist otherwise, are not worth hanging out with!

I think that using her just because you are lonely sucks. I don’t think that is very nice of you, it sucks to be lonely yes, it sucks even more to be used by someone who you think is your “friend”

There are ways be friendly with people because they’re really your friends, and ways to be friendly with people who are nice. People who are also nice people will recognize that being friends with this girl is a nice thing to do, and will like you because of it. This is called maturity.

Your choices are to ditch her completely and try to be friends with shallow people who will make fun of her, and you could trash her, too, in order to fit in. But in reality, she was the only one that made an effort with you when no one else would.

Or you could try to find a group of friends that you have common interests with, and make every effort to defend her if it’s needed, if only on the grounds that she was the only person to make you feel welcome. She deserves defending, if only for that. And she deserves a level of friendship for extending herself to you. She does not have to be your best friend if you have nothing in common, but she does deserve courtesy for being welcoming when no one else was.

As for what to do, l would throw yourself into clubs and sports next year. School newspaper, poetry club, debate team, fencing, theater, whatever. Join activities that will put you contact with lots of other people for the purpose of an activity. Keep yourself busy. Smile, don’t talk about how much you miss your old school and old friends.

no one should use some one like that. Just be nice to her because she sounds quite sweet and welcoming… to think that she’s not good enough as a friend because she doesn’t fit ‘popularity’ expectations IS immature so make good conversation with her about things you both might like… there has to be something, and stop using her to fill in that lonely spot while secretly hating her… grow up, other wise your just as bad as the rest of your shallow class mates.

to me, she seems like an excellent friend to hang around, she came to you and made you feel less lonely… I don’t think your in a situation to pick who you want to be with at the moment, and it’s low to ignore her just because she’s ‘not cool’ enough.

One thing that you could do that would set some boundaries is to buy her a small thank-you gift, and write her a note to thank her for being so welcoming to you when you first came to the school and were missing your old friends. Acknowledge that you don’t have much in common but you do appreciate her kindness and making the effort to make you feel welcome.

You probably don’t know her whole personal story, and often people get labeled “weird” for a number of reasons. People who are socially awkward can benefit from recognition that she did do the right thing by trying to be your friend, and she is a worthwhile person because of that, even if you have nothing in common.

@PandoraBoxx – bravo.

You know what you need to do? You need to pretend and switch roles, and ask yourself, “would I want someone to treat me this way, how would I feel”? I am pretty sure you will come up with a good solution, and an answer.

No matter what you are going through, there is no excuse for using/hurting a person who has done nothing to you.

Maybe, you won’t have to ditch her, maybe soon ,she will see you for what you are ( a user and a fake buddy), and she will ditch you. I hope she does anyways.

Well thanks for making me the Villain in this guys.
I’ve tried opening up to her and being her friend but she IS socially awkward, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t wanna be the one to figure her out and help her cuz i really don’t know what’s wrong with her. You’ve never met her, you don’t understand how she is but i guess i shouldn’t be as mean as to completely ignore her…

Ok, i wont “ditch” her but i’ll distance myself from her and make friends of my own type. Is that wrong?

I think you should cut off being her “so called” friend now, don’t wait. It will hurt her less, than when you do it, once you have found other people to hang around with later.

How hard is it for you to be honest? How hard is it for you to tell her, “your a good person, but, I don’t think we have anything in common, so therefore we should go our seperate ways.” It might be difficult for you, but it’s better than continuing to use her.

I agree with what smashbox just said. Tell her you have so little in common, you will be moving on. Tell her no hard feelings and you will never diss her in public. Let’s see how strong you are. That’s a mark of maturity.

Just keep her as a friend, or mere acquaintance, and start making new friends and hanging out with them. Don’t be mean to her. You don’t need to break a ‘friendship’ to make new ones.

@smashbox
Thank you, that seems like the best plan.

You haven’t really told me enough about her for me to decide. However, I have decided that you’re a worthless turd and she should ditch you.

You know…no offense….but basically you already seemed to know what you wanted to do.

Let’s see, you were lonely. No one talked to you…except the weird girl.

And you say the weird girl is immature? Hmm.

All I see is a girl who was nice to a new boy in school who was lonely. How do you know that she isn’t dreading the fact that she has to sit with you and have to think up superficial things to say to you?

How do you know she isn’t at home asking her mom, “Hey mom…what am I going to do with that weird American guy that has no friends_but _me? All we ever do is talk about homework because he has nothing interesting to say…and I’m bored to tears?”

Weird or not, she did you a huge favor. I think you should be honest, but nice to her:

“Hyacinth, I am so grateful that you were there for me when I didn’t have one friend in the school and in this new country. I really have appreciated your friendship. But we don’t have a lot to talk about…or a lot in common. So, I’m going to just see if I can’t join some clubs and meet some new people that I might have more in common with…I’d like to find some guys to be friends with…..too….”

I would give her a present as @PandoraBoxx suggested.

You know…I’d be nice to the weird girls if I were you…they grow up to be…Madonna and Angelina Jolie…and Oprah.

Just a thought.

@DarlingRhadamanthus
Yes she was nice to me, but i doubt she’s dreading the fact that she has to sit with me. She keep talking to me about the most superficial things that can’t really keep a convo going. You don’t know her, and i don’t know how to explain her, i’ve never met anyone like her. I’ve met weird as in different then other people but not superficial and acting like a 10 year old.

@evandad
You aren’t in the situation im in. and I dont think you’re understanding it. Stfu

SHE wouldn’t ditch me! She thinks im her friend when clearly im not, she just doesnt get it unless i say it plain and simple which is what i plan to do now. I’ve given hints multiple times and completely ignored her the final 2 weeks of school but she doesn’t get it!

Is this ‘friend’ some one who act’s incredibly superficial but thinks she’s nice and cool, but people are nice to her but don’t like her because she can be quite bitchy and suddenly hangs around you like your best friends?

@bean EXACTLY… She thinks she’s being nice but in reality she comes off as bitchy and superficial.

omg…. i know what you’re talking about and what kind of person your dealing with….

the way I dealt with it was ignore her because the girl I got to know began trying to fit in with very superficial group of girls and got botox :S and dyed her hair blonde… I thought she looked fine the way she was… but she turned out to be just as bad as all the shallow people… after ignoring her she started sending rude messages to me U_U but I only ignored her because I found out she also said some things behind my back, so I thought ‘oh, ok… if you want to do that I don’t want to be friends’ so ignored her.
I don’t like confrontation and know how it is for you at the moment… if she is the same as the girl i had trouble with then she’s probably using you as well.

but regardless, nice or not, or superficial maybe just say thanks for being there for me but I found a group I can relate to…though, I wouldn’t really say it, I’d get into a different group of friends, or just pretend you have a really busy life, and try and talk to more people, despite how superficial people may be in high school, some times people are not as they seem, so really, don’t be afraid to approach people or join in on conversation, be one of those people who are talented at something, like, if your good at singing join the choir at school, because then people will be able to see what kind of material they can approach YOU with… but besides that, I’m thinking just keep busy, maybe hide sometimes to feel more relaxed for the next time she comes to see you and smile at people, so you seem friendly enough to approach.
trust me, no one will really care you have been seen hanging out with her during school, just be open enough for people to see your a great person to be with, then they’ll like you, its just the fact it’s hard because your new, thats why you might find it difficult to make friends.
Plus don’t give any impression that you bitch or talk behind people, even about her… be smart how you say what you really mean, like use phrases such as “she’s…interesting” if people ask what you think of her… because it will put you in a better situation when it comes to school rumors or bitchyness

At the same time, using eachother, or using her is not good and really portrays her as a victim, but don’t call it ditch, and just be nice and polite at school, then you create a much better atmosphere for yourself.

@bean
Thanks so much! You really know what’s going on, and I dont talk about others behind their back but if someone asks me i’ll tell them my opinion in a nice way like how you said “She’s…Interesting” But i’ll never make fun of her, it’s just we aren’t compatible as friends at all so why keep putting on something fake?
Thanks again <3

yeah, good idea :) you’re doing well

you will find friends your own group of friends soon, dont worry

If she is the type to start acting bitchy towards you, ignore it….it’s the best you can do when you just don’t feel right with this person, and sooner or later you will meet others who you can get along with.

But if she stay’s friendly towards you, always smile and be nice if you walk past her :) best you can show no hard feelings intended

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, so I won’t add any. I would just have to say that saying things like “You aren’t in the situation im in. and I dont think you’re understanding it. Stfu” to people who are trying to help you does not speak well of you, nor give us the impression that you are the nice and kind party in the situation.

I agree with Janka, but don’t worry too much about it, it’s all just advice and sometimes you’re just defending your self from what you think is some one attacking you, but this site isn’t intended for something like that, so embrace what advice people give you
and don’t forget – when you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it :)

Just to clarify; I have nothing against disregarding advice you do not think fits your situation, or politely telling people “No, wait, I do not think you understood…” etc. Sometimes people do not understand, and sometimes they give advice that is not morally acceptable to you, or suggest something that you are actually capable of doing, for one reason or another. So of course you need to make your own judgment calls about it.

She reached out to you when you needed it the most the least you could do is be honest and as kind as possible. Don’t ignore her, don’t ditch her, don’t be unnecessarily mean just tell her the truth. The truth is you don’t feel like you have anything in common and you don’t want to hang out anymore.

@Silhouette
I’m all about the Truth(Being a Sagittarius), and I told her everything in the nicest way possible but letting the truth out at the same time. I felt like a horrible person afterwards, but i get over things fast. I found out she does have at least one other friend so I don’t feel as bad as i should. But i’m glad I did this, we did have nothing in common and it wasn’t a healthy friendship.

@RAWRxRandy It sounds like you did the right thing. Now you’re both free to move on. :0)