Does your family sometimes seem determined to drive you crazy?
Does it sometimes seem that your grown children continue their childhood sibling rivalry & that each of them want you to see various situations from their point of view, instead of your own? I have a schizophrenic daughter. She has caused countless problems for me & for her siblings, so their distrust of her is understandable. I know that when she is off her meds, she is a problem waiting to happen. I have had her living with me off & on for the past 6 or 7 years. Due to problems from the last time that she lived with me, I will not allow her to live with me anymore. However, when she ends up in a situation that is going to put her out on the street – I try to help her, because no matter what, I still love her. She is such a position now & I just spent money that I really did not have to put her up in a motel kitchenette. Now my son is very angry at me. My son has been staying with me while he was recovering from surgery for a work-related injury. His finances have been severely reduced & I have not pressed him to share household expenses. He has now started getting unemployment compensation, so his finances are somewhat better. So I asked him to share the expense of putting his sister up in the motel & he gave me half of the amount that I spent. This was enough to keep my mortgage payment check from bouncing. But it has made him so angry at me that he left this evening to go visit a friend so that he would not have to be here. I have a feeling that he is going to probably move back in with this friend (they have been friends for a number of years & he has lived there before when circumstances went south for him). He is an adult & has the right to live wherever he chooses, I just wish that he would understand my need to help my daughter. My other daughter will probably also have a hissy-fit when she finds out what I have done as well. It makes me want to go find a place to hide from my own family.
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Well that sucks. My family had a simular problem they had a hard time accepting my aunt who had that illness and understanding that she Cant help who she is it’s a mental illness and it’s not her fault she thinks that way.
My family never understood that and I know it can be very hard living with someone with a mental illness.
I hope everything works out for you i’m sorry you have to go through this.
One of the systemic issues with schizophrenia is that the individual cannot always control behavior. Another common issue is that meds, even when taken, can stop working after awhile. Sadly, the problems you describe happen frequently in the families of people with mental illness, and services are limited. My friend whose son has schizophrenia has done everything she can to help him and ensure that he is safe and off the street, but recently he decided he never wants to see her again, and she has no idea where he is or how he is.
My point is that you have to do what YOU think is right and stick to that. You also have to take care of YOU and do what is right for you. If your other 2 kids don’t understand, they will when they have kids of their own. Be up front with them and tell them you are conflicted and trying to do the right thing. Remind them that a loving presence is the definition of a parent, and that you don’t “owe” your adult children anything at all.
Yes it seems that way about my dad a lot
I have a friend who has a similar situation with her daughter, only she has two who suffer from several mental illness. She has to always help them. One has a more severe form. Sometimes my husband gets mad when she gives in and helps the one that seems to be most disrespectful of her mom. And I have to remind him 4 reasons she can’t walk away. One she loves her daughters, two they need her and 3 they can’t fully control their reactions because they don’t see things always in a rational way, and 4 they have children they have to care for as well.
Explain to your son, that the same way you couldn’t walk away from him when he needed you, that you can’t walk away from your daughter, his sister.
Tell him that to ask you to choose between them is unfair and that you understand that its not his job to take care of her but you feel it is your job to always love her and take care of her.
She did not choose to be this way and meds don’t always help.
Ask him if he was the one born ill, would he wish for her to give up on him or if he had children, would he toss one aside if he/she was ill for the healthy blessed ones.
Tell him you just need his financial help till she is on her feet and remind him that you’ve asked nothing from him while he stayed with you.
Remind him that you are putting her up in a motel only because you know she can’t live with you and if she couldn’t stay there then she would have to move in with you and you really don’t want that.
always. but whats life with out a little choas though right?
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