At what point does friction at school become bullying?

when its unwanted…

@talljasperman Isn’t it always unwanted? There isn’t usually an agreement between people that they will fight and both consent.

When it becomes excessive. When unwelcome attentions have persisted past kids being told that its unacceptable. When its extremely hurtful in any way.

@FireMadeFlesh mabye in a few years everyone will be homeschooled on-line and most of the problems will go away

@talljasperman That’s the same as saying “Maybe in a few years people won’t have to deal with each other at all and won’t have to have any social skills.”

@talljasperman I hope not. There is something unique about face to face contact with a teacher, as every student needs a different explanation for the same problem. The social aspect of schooling is also vital – it is where we learn the majority of our social skills for life.

I’d say school is a form of bullying.

@daemonelson I agree…

Fist fights do not teach social skills.

There is no solid point. Accusing someone of bullying is a judgment call.

Hmm… Let me delve back to my school days.

Our school sent the school council away to train in spotting bullies and diffusing bullying situations. Essentially a peer would sit down the bully and their victim and try to resolve the matter.

Because there was a clear pathway to help most problems were nipped in the bud at a very early stage.

Essentially our behaviour falls into three catagories: aggressive, assertive and passive.

You learn that the stereotype bully is surprise surprise aggressive, but you also learn that there are plenty of people who get their own way by being passive.

@talljasperman I think is bang on the money. When it’s unwanted.

And, yes it’s always unwanted.

Now most people won’t like that as an answer because it prohibits a little bit of fun, we’ve all had a joke at someone elses expense.

The real difference is how we behave when we see the effect. If you were to prolong that joke or stretch your fun. You could end up being a bully.

I would like to know if it is more prevalent now or just more people talking about it. I was in a class of 40 kids up to 5th grade and while there always seems to be 1 or 2 who are bullies and try to take your candy or chase you to beat you up for some real or fabricated offence or whatever, you just stayed out of their way. And if you didn’t you took your medicine.

Now it seems as if it is everywhere?

I just read in the paper today where they are trying a new approach, do not punish the perpetrators, instead have a sit down with all involved and discuss it. Somehow I don’t think that would have made much of an impression of the bullies I knew.

@rooeytoo I think that schools and teachers are getting more involved in bullying and a perceived “law of the playground” is being challenged. I was at secondary school from 89 to 94 and in that time my school abandoned prefects (as they were seen to be the biggest bullies), created a school council and drafted an equal opportunities policy. The atmosphere as I left that school was far friendlier than when I was a lowly terrified first year.

@Pcrecords – that’s another interesting difference. The bullies I dealt with were in grade school, by high school it had all disappeared. My high school years were 59–63 so I am a lot older.

Maybe kids were either less vicious to each other, or we just handled it on our own without involving parents which was easy enough in grade school, but would definitely have been more difficult in high school.

And also the bullies were always boys, now girls apparently are getting in on the act as well. What a crazy world. Too many video games I bet!!!

when you’re feelings get hurt, when your physically hurt by others, or when they purposely make you feel uncomfortable or insecure….

kids can be the most cruel when it comes to bullying… when i was in primary school little boys thought i was weird and found it fun to push me off slides and punch me or lock me in the bathroom all day…but I was just unlucky to go to primary school with messed up kids… what kind of messed up little children punches a girl? I was 8 year old then…I don’t think teachers do much…and I think they should take it more seriously!

but anywhoo…. bullying is a serious act, can really hurt others….

@rooeytoo Junior school was fairly easy bully wise, but yeah secondary school (from 11–16 for the none English folk) can be a minefield.

Computer games are probably not to blame, greater social networking is becoming a problem. Cyber bullying abusive texts etc etc are all worrying trends.

Anyone seen let the right one in?

Totally screwed up
message of how to deal with bullies in that film, strangely satisfying ending though.

Also I’d say “friction” between students is usually on a level footing. I don’t get on with x they don’t get on with me.

Bullying is using power over someone.

@Pcrecords friction is not always the case, but your right though, most of the time it’s because they don’t get along…. though at primary school I was very quiet, said good morning all that… never had confrontation…these kids just started bullying me, and I never talk or knew them well… it just started… these older boys were just beating an 8 year old girl… I asked them why were you doing this, they all teased I was weird :S worse part the teacher just pretty much looked the other way… I reckon if teachers were more serious about bullying that person may have lived through school… I hope the bullies get a decent punishment for murdering a class mate.

no one deserves to go through that.

@bean you hit the nail on the head with your example. Bullying very often comes from nowhere. So yeah a bully will just beat someone up.

I agree with you completely that some teachers regard it as none of their business.

I can say catagorically that at our school the teachers suddenly got a kick up the arse because almost overnight they started across the board to care.

In fact, the only time i ever felt uncomfortable at school was around one teacher who had a genuine dislike for me. I did my work I got on in his class but he used to single me out.

I got thrown out of his class one day for no reason (even he later could justify) and in my frustration I stuck two fingers up at him through the classroom window… As luck would have it right in vision of the deputy head.

Oh dear, report to my office!

When I got there and waited a bit I apologised for my 13 year old outburst but explained this strange pattern of behaviour that had been going on in the class room.

Upshot of which, next lesson he apologised to me for his behaviour.

Didn’t stop him threatening other kids, throwing board rubbers at their heads and on one memorable occasion a table. But at least we all knew we could report this stuff and someone would listen.

And schoolkids need to know that they have that right.

I hope that kids classmates are dealt with properly and I hope the school is too.

Wow. Apologies for rambling on today.

@Pcrecords haha, thats ok, rambling can be good. I totally agree with you! about everything!

Favoritism! all teachers do it! all the time… it hurts your self esteem, and can really affect you. People who do it are not fit to be teachers…. they are suppose to be above all that kind of pathetic action. Until you threaten their job they suddenly love you…its like, ‘oh…do you need help now because I’m such a wonderful loving teacher now’

but for me it was

“oh god help me…they are kicking me hard and it hurts… can you do anything about it”
because your suppose to go to the teacher for help… “help”

then they say “look, I think you have to grow up”... yes wonderful advice for an 8 year old child getting beating and harassed and abused by people who are bigger and older than her, not to mention stronger… and after that no help, but more beating and dragged out of school and beaten when attempting to get back into the school ground because I was considered a “taddal tail”

But teachers… omg….nothing done…. do your job and look after the children!!!

they probably thought I was weird too haha….

D: but I’m normal, I swear :P lol

@bean the culture of ‘telling’ needs to be addressed too your right. Our school said very clearly don’t be afraid to speak out.

Culturally Bullying is such a deep seated historical problem in the school system that unless teachers are fully trained in how to deal with it there is no real hope of eradicating it.

@Pcrecords you are absolutely right

the sad part of it is that there are many different forms of bullying… most or a decent amount of bullies are having trouble at home, parents are being very hard on them, so many things to consider before also judging some one… but at the same time, their actions are not tolerable at all when inflicting it upon some one else.
A friend of mine during middle school started bullying people… he had a very bad fist fight one day and I was very upset with him, but later on we talked it over and he was having so much trouble outside of school, he cried as well, and my friend helped me give him advice (because she has amazing advice to give) and help him through bad times… most of the time it is also, or possibly all the time we are inflicted by the older generation, and become emotionally unbalance because they do not influence young minds well.

I don’t know, I was really bullied at school and I hated it. I believe it has changed my whole future. I’ve become a loner and believe everyone has hidden agendas.

@Dibley I know what you mean… I can’t speak out loud in class properly, and always thinking people were out to get me… however, you shouldn’t think like that, because even if you are deeply hurt by it my friends always told me your only letting them win over you.

Don’t think your a loner or any one has hidden agendas, I was bullied severely in primary school, and now I am 19…. it did affect me but the hardest part is letting go and moving on
because that makes you the better person in the end. and you learn to help others as well.

I’m sure your no where near a loner, and I’m sure freeing yourself from those feelings you will feel so much better about your self… I’m trying to, it really does help

@bean Seriously I am. I don’t have a problem with it. I do not have any friends in real life, I don’t like to connect with people, in person anyway. I was bullied in secondary school, because of the colour of my hair and I mean really bullied. I’m just pleased I’m not at school these days because bullying has got worse and I don’t think I could cope with that.

@Dibley i’ll be your friend –
people can be so cruel to each other, but trust me, your not alone, other people have been through severe crap too… but I know how hard it is, being alone feels so much safer than being surrounded by people, your mind automatically thinks and feels that way… I know its difficult too, but sometimes, its best to make friends and speak to people in person.
and your right, it is so much better being out of school, but don’t think too negatively, it makes things worse mentally, try and think more positive, it really does help

I think that if you feel threatened in any way, big or small, it’s bullying. Friction conjures up minor disagreements between two people on the same level footing and bullying is nothing like this. It’s a whole other ball game.

I was bullied all through primary and secondary school and the teachers never did anything about it. Like @Dibley I was bullied because of my hair… and the rest. I can imagine that the bullying that I experienced in front of teachers might have been referred to by them as ‘friction’. But this insidious mocking opened the doors to a world of terror for me and it still continues.

As soon as someone disrespects you in any form…it’s bullying

@lynneblundell I agree with you completely. Teachers used to mock me at school because it was the popular kids that bullied me and they wanted to look good infront of them. About a year ago I signed up to Facebook, and all the kids that bullied me at school all wanted to be my friend, I couldn’t believe it so I just diactivated my account. I didn’t need that. I don’t live in that town anymore. I’m not very good at socialising, but then I’m 31, I don’t need to.

Far too little is done in the school system to address this. Far too many kids suffer needlessly from bully type aggressive behaviors and then suffer academically. Almost always when addressed by teachers the bully’s parents don’t seem to care and get upset over the attention brought upon their child to them it’s no big deal kid stuff. A zero tolerance program would put an end to most of this unnecessary and demeaning behavior.

If one person creates an environment of hostility for another perosn, it is bullying; whether it is physical, mental, or emotional. It is abusive, regardless.

I think laws would be appreciated. Bullying may make you stronger, but it’s not the only thing in life that will. And plus, bullying isn’t only in the elementary school yard. Bullying occurs everywhere- whether its the work place, a restaurant, or being cornered in a street. Kids shouldn’t have to deal with that so young.

At any point, bullying should be prosecuted against.

If Australia is anything like North America, a stricter law would be unheard of.

I would say when it is not an argument anymore and it is just one person picking on another