I know parents should love their children, should they like them ?

It helps :\.
My parents certainly seem to like me and my sister, and they seem to have done a pretty good job.

Mine didn’t like me at all. So I’d have to say no. Lol

Treating the children differently is one way to guarantee that they will act out.

It is also an awful example for the kids they do “like” who then treat their siblings shabbily too.

@Marina that is exactly what happens and it upsets me to see it all. I had to tell the 14 year old once that he shouldn’t hit his 12 yr old sister, he got mad at me. She would tell me he hurt her

I don’t see how one goes without the other.

I don’t have kids, but I sure find it tough to love someone I don’t like.

Should their parents treat them differently? No. That’s part of being a parent in my mind. Though there’s always some level of favoritism of course, even if most of it is perception and expectation.

@wonderingwhy I know there is some level of favoritism. I don’t see how they can be physically abusive to 2 of them, and not lay a hand on the other two. I mean by abusive is like when the mom found out the 22 year old had sex with her boyfriend, she shoved her down and like smacked her in the face and stuff. She has told me how her dad has held her down and strangle her at times not in front of anyone of course, so it makes me hope that they aren’t like that to the 12 yr old. Her mom did that because she is very mormon and very much into waiting til you are married for sex

@dutchbrossis that goes well beyond any acceptable parenting tactics I, and probably most laws, would be acceptive of. That doesn’t sound like a situation that will end well without some sort of common sense being interjected.

@wonderingwhy I agree. The 22 year old is now staying with us for the most part, except when her mom needs her to baby sit, and she forces her to go to church still. I never see any of it, the only thing I have seen was the brother yelling at the 12 year old to come inside before he hits her again. That was when I stepped in and told him that is not called for and stuff. I never see it though, I only can go by what we hear. I also can’t take a chance on ruining our friendship with them, so there is not much we can do except for let them stay at out place whenever possible.

My brother and I were treated and raised completely differently than my two little sisters. I acted out and lived defiantly until I became a mother. It’s horrible to treat one child differently than another. It will affect them forever..

I don’t see why that would be a requirement. I mean, if you have a jerk for a child, how can you actually like them?

There are quite a lot of adults who should not have been parents just because of situations as you describe. Some parents expect carbon copies of themselves and can’t handle the independence of a child that breaks rank in their expectations. You are to be commended for excepting your friend and welcoming them into your lives. Pity the parents not the kids.

@Cruiser

Thank You !

i don’t.

I believe you should love/like the person, but not the behavior necessarily… whether your own child, a significant other, a friend, family member, or acquaintance.

What do you mean they are “different” these kids don’t seem different at all… their parents should be better parents and not treat them as if they were “different” you should love and like your children for who they are… if you don’t want to respect your children, or believe in them why should they show respect to you… Your suppose to support your children, not abuse them…

These parents have to treat the 22 and 12 year old better, look after the 12 year old well and let the 22 year old have more freedom and trust

My daughter was very open and up-front about her use of drugs, and involvement in selling and manufacturing them. I flat out told her several times “I love you, but I don’t like you”

I think that parents, obviously being one, should love their children all the same. I think that despite the arguments and the issues that you go through, you may not like them all the time but you like them in general. In this case, I think that the parents treat their children very unfairly praising the others without equality. Giving the others more freedom, which I give to my oldest daughter is fair. But, not limiting them and limiting the others, I don’t like that. There is an extent to which you draw the line. Of course, your children must be aware of and understand that the older ones have more advantages and freedom, and more responsibility. yes, but the younger ones shouldn’t be discriminated against. But I really don’t like the way the kids are being treated in this situation.

Its not required that you like anyone.

@avvooooooo no, it is not, but hoe do the children feel knowing that their parents or people that are close to them like them? you don’t have to like them all the time, but can’t you atleast like them sometimes?

@mollypop51797 Children often will feel distressed that their parents don’t appear to like them, but there are plenty of functional adults that were just such children. Some people are incapable of liking their children for a variety of reasons. But children generally work it out, either alone or with the help of therapy, and turn out OK.

@filmfann
Too many people these days have come to equate love with unconditional acceptance; I’d say that you did well.

@Nullo Having to kick her out of the house was an awful thing to do, but she had set up a portable drug lab in my garage, and I had no choice.
When each of my kids turned 18, I told them that they were welcome to stay home, but that I could no longer ground them, or punish them. The only thing I could do was to reverse ground them… kick them out. I told them I would not throw bail for them, but would visit them in jail, should they end up there.
My oldest was the only one I had to kick out. She ended up in jail a couple times, and finally rid herself of her drug habit and found honest work.

As a parent I love both of my children. However, I certainly like one of them better than the other. But as a parent, I must keep that a deep, dark secret and treat both the kids the same. Now that doesn’t mean buying a pair of jeans for one because I bought a pair for the other specifically. It does mean that I should help each child discover his or her own strengths and interests, and encourage both to become independent adults by helping them to develop skills they will need.

It most certainly does not mean being mean to one child because our personalities don’t mesh. However, sometimes the kids will say that’s what I am doing, but then when one child is bipolar and takes a baseball bat to the car, while the other offers to do laundry because she can see I am busy, I do have to respond differently. If I just let baseball bat boy go on his merry way, I will soon be visiting him in prison. OTOH, if you don’t praise children when they do something good you are a fool.

And yes, there are always moments when it is very possible to like both of my kids. Unfortunately, because of my son’s personality those moments are less frequent with him than with his sister.

@avvooooooo but why should the parents even be not liking them in the first place? Why should the children go through that growing up. It hurts them, as who’s fault is it? The parents because they are the reason for the emotional distress, and it shouldn’t be up to the children to work it out, it should be up to the parents because they are the ones not liking.

@mollypop51797 – It is very hard to like some children, such as a child who has a mental illness and who destroys one’s personal property. However, it is quite possible not to display that dislike, and it is very possible to love them without liking them. After all, we are talking about the relationship between parents and children, not best friends.

And certainly not everyone who has the ability to become a parent also has the maturity to be a good parent. You can talk about should be’s until the cows come home, but reality is very often not a matter of should.

The final step on the road to maturity is learning to forgive your parents for being less than perfect.

@filmfann
I’m glad to hear that.

@mollypop51797 What @Darwin said. It isn’t possible to say it better.

favoritism=bad. leads to resentments.

I know this thread is ancient, but if anyone is still interested, they might want to check out this question posted on June 9, 2013.