I need advice about what to do about if you start heading for a relationship but then change your mind for some reason part way in, what should i do?

I think you feel uncomfortable now by what she has told you… I don’t exactly know what to tell you but if you really don’t want the relationship continuing, are you ok to be friends with her? or maybe you should really get to know her even further… sex isn’t important… if you really like her, then still hang around, but if you really just want to stop this fling then let her know (even if it’s hard or maybe she will feel a bit sad) do what makes you feel comfortable. Other wise things get worse later on when you drag them out.

If you don’t want to be with her for whatever reason, then that reason is right for you. Best just to end it though, not fair to keep her hanging on.

How about you say/do nothing.
Re the issue bothering you. These things have a way of resolving themselves as you spend more and more time together. It will either become a non-issue, or other bigger, more valid reasons to part ways will appear.
Best of luck.

It sounds like more the realization that you’re really only interested in this girl on a superficial level. If you really cared about her, it wouldn’t matter. You’re not an a**hole for this; it’s just part of being young and learning about relationships.

She’s not the one for you. You’re doing her a favor by not using her.

@PandoraBoxx Yes, but he’s 57 years old.

Move on.
Just be sincere and tell her the reasons why you are doing that, so she can think you’re an a**hole. You deserve it, after all.

1. Its part of our animal instincts to go for the healthiest person to mate with. So on one hand you are simply going with your instincts.
2. If however you don’t want to spend your life running away from someone who is possibly a great person, the only way to over come your fear is to educate yourself. Fear usually arises from ignorance.
3. Sounds like she is talking about eczema. It is not contagious unless she has an open wound and its oozing and you happen to have eczema as well. You would be surprise how many people have it. Some just have a mild case of it. Most people with a family history of eczema and asthma will develop one or the other or both. It is extemely common.
4. If however you feel you cannot override your fear of her genetic disease than do her a favor and move on. People with eczema usually already have low self esteem because of how other people will look at them like they are contagious or hidious during a break out. She doesn’t need someone who she cares about make her feel like a leper over something she has no control over. This will only make her feel more self concious.
People don’t understand that their stares of discust make people with eczema anxious about trying to lead a normal life and force many of them to withdrawl from life and activities. Plus anxiety will make a break out worse or even start one.

You don’t want to be in any relationship that you don’t feel absolutely right about. If it doesn’t feel right then whatever the reason, don’t continue even if its going to hurt the other person. I believe that everyone has a “soulmate” and that person will absolutely fall for you the same way you fall for her. If you don’t feel that then move on and hopefully she will find someone that wants her for everything that she is.

Allergies can be managed even cured. Everybody has flaws the worst are personality flaws…she sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders…you may be passing up a very a special lady.

@cruiser you are right there too! What u don’t want to do is to pass someone that could potentially change your whole world for the better

It couldn’t have been easy for her to tell you any of that.If it bothers you so much,she will eventually figure out that you don’t deserve her and hopefully dump you.

We are not just our minds. We are mind wrapped up in body. The whole package. You’re not an asshole if the person turns you off. Resist the temptation to separate people out into parts. Her allergies are a part of her personality. An integral part.

It would seem to me that how you handle your repulsion will dictate whether or not you’re an a-hole. Will you treat her like a leper? Will you lead her on? Will you gently end things? Will you keep your repulsion to yourself? Will this be an opportunity to learn about yourself and press into something you would normally run from? etc… While we may not be able to control how we feel we can control how we act.

your human – the right thing to do is to be honest but be sensitive to her feelings , she’s going to know something is wrong no matter what you do , your lack of interest for a relationship will manifest it’s self in due time, so just be honest with her, she desrves to know how her condition makes people feel so she can better judge who she lets close to her heart. what goes around comes araound you don’t want to loose some girl you think is great becuase you have ann odd shaped nose or your a little on the chubby side – woudnt you like o know why she stopped being interested in you? she’s going to have alot of dudes shit on her ( hopefully never again) don’t be one of those guys. you might make a friend for life

I can follow how you would feel bad about rejecting her for a problem that’s beyond her control, but you should probably follow your heart riather than your head here. Much better to let her down as gently as you can, taking responsibility for the negative feelings her issues brought up in you, than to carry on and eventually let it wreck a long term relationship or marriage.

That said, I think you need to work through your own issues about human perfection even if that means you need the help of some counseling on it. I say that because even the most seemingly perfect of us can suddenly come down with allergies, have a disfiguring accident or disease. You want to really feel like a a hole, think about being married for 5 years, having two tiny kids in the house, and all of a sudden you can’t tollerate your wife because hot water spilled on her while she was cooking your meal.

@life_after_2012 Many allergies are triggered by stress and if it is eczema than he could just make things worse by pointing out, that her condition is the cause of his disinterest. There is no reason why he should hurt her more than he needs too. She probably has already been rejected in the past for it and that is why she was up front with him. If she gets rejected enough because of her condition she may give up on dating all together. People with health problems may know in their head that a person is a jerk for turning them down because of something they can’t control, but what you feel and what you know as truth don’t always agree. If she gets rejected enough for it she may begin to feel like a freak and fear living a normal life because she will figure no one will ever give her a chance to feel normal.

She does not need to be strung along by a guy who is so shallow. She deserves someone who is sincere and non-judgmental. Be honest with her and then move on.

@Battousai87 it should probably be clearly noted that telling her that you find her condition repelling would be asshole behavior. Being gentle, honest, and direct about not being ready to be in relationship with her does not require pointing out her skin condition.

It doesn’t matter is this is a superficial quirk you find unattractive because for whatever reason, it turns you off. Leave her alone and let her remain available for a man who won’t have any such hangup. Pushing yourself to overlook that about her isn’t going to get you anywhere except her thinking you’re still interested.

You can’t help it if it bothers you. You absolutely have to be honest with her though. But don’t beat yourself up about it – everyone is shallow in their own way :P

I think perhaps you may be dealing with someone who has an issue with intimacy. Been there, done that, have many trophies. All I can say is step back, look at the relationship as a whole objectively, and see if there are other red flags that warrant more discernment. Not trying to label anyone, but this is a big red flag. Only you can make that determination. Not to imply she has issues, but look at other aspects of the relationship. Men tend to focus on sex, or rejection thereof, to detemrine where they stand with a woman. i agree with others that if, in fact, this is the true issue, then it warrants understanding. However; some people with issues have been also know to make up infirmaties to limit intimate contact. Two things to consider.

It’s a skin condition.. not AIDS!
You asked “Am i really as big an a** hole as i feel?”
well, let’s see.. you don’t want to go out with this girl because she has a non contagious skin condition. I wouldn’t say a**hole, but maybe heartless and/or cruel.

Let her go and give her the chance to meet someone who would think she is worth keeping.