Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie about watching porn?

Simple.

He doesn’t want your disapproval.

My guess is he feels guilty about it.

i knew a girl with the same problem and she ended up broken hearted. she is actually my best lady friend in the world. her ex was a real douche bag though, but he was using her for her money because she makes alot of it and he was never attracted to her physically and thats why he watched so much porn even in front of her and would rather satisfy him self then have his girl do it for him. the porn kept the balance for him so he could continue to use her and not feel the need for sex, because the thought of it with her probably turned him off. its a horrible story and this shouldnt pretain to you in anyway i just mentioned it in case some of the same symptoms are occuring. i love my lady friend to death and to this day she has to get in my face about me beating this guy up for her. she’s not a bad person, but my morals are a little diffrent and i wouldnt mind making him feel as bad as she did when she figured out the last 5 years of her life were wasted on some super doucher. ( please take no offense by my response, im really just trying to help ). take care

Have you been disapproving of pornography in the past?

It doesn;t sound like your boy friend is substituting porn for you, as was the case in the relationship that @life_after_2012 mentions. So I wouldn’t worry about that. I am sure he tries to cover it up and is reluctant to talk about it because it is embarrassing to him. If porn is a real turn-off to you, this might be a deal breaker because people that really get into it seldom just quit to please someone else. Eventually, they begin to feel it is unfair for you to control soething that gives them so much pleasure and is so hard for them to resist. If porn doesn’t disgust you, you might suggest having him introduce you to it and show you bit by bit why he finds it sexually stimulating. You never know what might come up if you give that a try.

He is embarrassed.

He’s ‘trained’ by past experiences with women to think that watching porn is evil and one of the most horrible acts humanly possible. Thank the insecure women of his past.

Perhaps he feels ashamed that you will think less of him because he enjoys it. Perhaps he is getting good ideas though! =-) Perhaps he has a uncontrollable libido! Have you talked to him about it? What do you think about him watching that stuff?

@ETpro I’m bothered by it because I don’t see a point in doing it since he has me, and can have me pretty much whenever he wants. I’m just worried about it becoming worse and getting in the way of our relationship. I never got into porn, didn’t catch my interest. Even though it does bother me I told him if he still wants to watch it he can, but he insisted on not doing it anymore. If he does chose to actually stop I want it to be on his terms not mine.

Because it is an embarrassing habit, and it reflects a dissatisfaction with the real world.

@polaris05 I wish you the very best in this, but I’ve got a bad feeling about how it’s going to end.

@ETpro Only time will tell I guess.

I’ve never dated a guy that didn’t watch porn, and it never bothered me. I guess I’ve just always figured it’s a “guy” thing to do. Put it this way: he could be living out his sexual fantasies of sleeping with (what he views as) raunchy girls. Instead, he’s staying faithful to you and living those fantasies out via pornography, because men don’t want to date “loose” girls, they just want to screw them.

I would be more concerned about the fact that he tells you he’ll change certain things and then he doesn’t.

@borderline_blonde He does lack a lot of motivation and has to realize that no one can walk him through every decision he makes. My take on that is he was babied a bit too much as a child and can’t quite get over it yet. He means well, but can’t follow through. I know that if that doesn’t change there’s going to be quite a few issues.

@Tenpinmaster From my point of view… I don’t really see why he needs to keep watching it if he’s in a relationship with me. I guess it’s always just going to bother me to some extent. I guess I’m just worried that eventually he’ll be more into porn than me.

@augustlan I am when it completely catches me off guard, I try to be accepting of it as much as possible but ehh….. I never saw a point in continuing to do it while in a relationship with someone.

Because he knows that he’s not supposed to be watching porn.

I don’t see a problem.. if you don’t like him, dump him. Don’t be “that girl” who makes her boyfriend stop watching porn. Either let him watch it, get over it, or move on.
If you are this insecure, maybe you are not ready for a relationship.

borderline_blonde your right.

@polaris05 Well I don’t think he would take porn over you. Perhaps there are things he wants that he feels he can only get watching the porn. I would defiantly find out what he feels he is missing from your intimacy that makes him turn to porn. Unless he is conducting his own scientific research he should be enjoying the real thing with you not some fantasy with paid entertainers.

Plenty of people not only continue to watch porn while in relationships, but do so together… with their partners. My advice to you would be to find someone whose feelings about porn more closely match your own, or this will cause problems between the two of you.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Here are some facts: You say when you get to boinking and you are ready any time anywhere and often you have to be the one to start it. Also he has been watching porn since jump and can’t stop. It is like since he can’t boink the DVD he has you around to keep himself from handling it himself. Maybe he finds sex with you mediocre or boring. I don’t know how the relationship is outside the bedroom but if there is as much interest as there is out of it, that says a lot.

When you give too much, he will (and he probably did) take you for granted.
You should stop being always ready anytime and anywhere. Maybe he will understand that pornstars are inside the tv, you are for real.

Watch it with him, do what you see.

Maybe he’s afraid you’ll ask a lot of strangers this question. ;-)

meh idk. situation just all sounds a bit too weird to me. if he feels like he can trust you though, and feels comfortable, he shouldn’t be embarrassed and resort to lying to keep things from you.

@Hypocrisy_Central Well whenever we do something different, I’m always the one to suggest it. He doesn’t seem bored to me and if he was, I don’t think he wouldn’t go out of his way to make me orgasm. I know when I was bored having sex with certain ex’s I would want it to be over asap, I’m sure they felt the same. I would like to think that we get along get outside of the bedroom.

@augustlan I would rather try and work things out and come to some sort of understanding with each other, instead of just tossing him over something like this. It’s not the end of the world because he does, nor should it be the end of our relationship. Unless it starts causing noticeable problems, then I should probably kick him to the curb. He hasn’t been intimate with someone in quite some time before dating me, so he’s probably just still used to doing his own thing on his own.

I can never understand why some girls get so worked over their menfolk watching porn. It’s not real, its just an escape. As other jellies have said, he could be cheating on you but isn’t. I agree, some people can have problems being adicted to it, and become withdrawn from the rest of the world but he isn’t doing that either by the sounds of what you’ve said. Maybe he just, like most men, likes it for what it is, a kind of escapism. If so, it really is very unfair of you to expect him to give it up, just because he’s in a relationship with you, or to make him feel like its dirty or bad, which it isn’t. I read your question and what jumped at me was that he is ashamed because of how you feel about it.

Tell him to keep his porn collection in a cupboard and enjoy it on his own if you feel so strongly about it, or why don’t you seek out some couple type ones for you both to enjoy. It doesn’t have to be hard core. Why not have a look for a couple of sexy (not adult as such) movies to begin with, and see what you think? It might bring you both closer.
much hugs xx

Without knowing him and his life it is really hard to answer this question. I mean it could have to do with his upbringing and attitude toward porn. It could be that he has been criticized by people in his life he felt were important to him when it came to this subject. The best you can do is to be open and honest about how you feel about it and then be a listener to let him tell you what his feelings are.

@bunnygrl I don’t expect him to give it up for me, I just voiced my opinion on it to him. Everyone’s not going to have the same opinion on something. I see it as degrading. Why? I don’t know that’s just how I am and how I was brought up. I’m not going to break up with him if he doesn’t purge it from his life completely. I’ll get over it, it’s just going to take me a bit to get used to it, then I’ll probably forget about it completely. It doesn’t make me love him any less, I just wish he wasn’t ashamed to tell me things like this. When he lies about little things like that, that’s what really bothers me.

@polaris05 As others have said, he probably lies about the porn because he senses that you aren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of him watching it. If you ask him about it repeatedly, he’s more likely to clam up instead of being honest with you.

I don’t think you’re necessarily wrong for not liking his porn habit (as long as you aren’t controlling about it). But I do wonder about one thing. If he was more sexually willing, and you didn’t have to be the one to initiate sex all the time, would you be less bothered by his porn viewing habits?

Any man who watchs porn is a loser who should have his dick chopped off by my hands holding an ax.

@sweethottaco Wow. Tell us how you really feel. ~

I’m not saying you should definitely break up, just that if this is a major no-no in your view it’s going to be an issue. Either he will A) give it up and resent that you made him or B) keep doing it, but hide it from you (or outright lie to you) and feel like a naughty little boy when you catch him at it again… not to mention how you’ll feel when that happens.

The only way I can see the scenario playing out positively is if you have a change of heart about porn in general. I don’t know if that’s something you have any interest in doing, but if it is, you’ll have to watch some and come to terms with it. Many women actually like porn, so you never know… you may be surprised!

Whatever the outcome is, I wish you luck.

@sweethottaco that is a very rude comment

@polaris05 sweetheart I didn’t mean to offend you, really I didn’t, <hugs> He’s ashamed of it because he knows how you feel about it, thats all. In different company, maybe with his friends he wouldn’t be. As I said honey, if you don’t like the idea of porn at all, rather than pushing your views onto him, give him a cupboard, or a box to keep it in and agree to disagree. Just don’t make him feel dirty for having different views than you do. That kind of treatment can change a person, and do a lot of damage. Sending you much love honey <hugs>

@sweethottaco honestly, different strokes for different folks, and I mean no offence but you sound about 12 with that comment. Far more men watch/look at porn than don’t (and mostly I’d guess that the ones who say they’ve never, ever done it are lying because their girlfriend might hear lol.) Seriously though, no one has the right to judge others like you just did. Not nice and not right. <hugs>
hugs everyone xx

Does it matter to you what he is watching?

Also the more you ask him about it, the more he is likely to deny.

He likes porn and is afraid that you don’t, so he lies and evades, thinking it’s a better alternative to admitting that he enjoys it. Pity. There’s actually some nice porn for couples out there.