Do you consider yourself to be one of the 'nice guys' in terms of how you are in relationships? Can you give reasons why or why not?

I am a nice guy. Too nice.

Nice guys are calm and steady and boring. Bad guys are exciting and… exciting. Sexy, too. Nice guys don’t get a chance until a woman learns to appreciate other things besides sexy excitement. And even when they do figure that out, they sometimes (more often than people guess) have a bad guy on the side. Some 15% (I think) of all children have dna that does not match that of their father.

I am a bad boy/good man and my experience is that women really like a strong man until they can’t get their way…and then they hate me…but they really love me again when they realize I’m my own man and that’s a good thing. Some women never get from part 2 to 3 but that’s their loss.

I am one of those nice guys…at least I have been told that many times in my life. But I can be an utter A-hole too and at some really bad times that takes the luster off my nice guy image. Though I do feel I am pretty good and honest at making up for my indiscretions.

I’ve been told I’m a “nice guy” a few times actually. So far as I know it’s because, as long as we’re reasonably compatible (an open mind and a sense of adventure) and she’s caring, I make it pretty much all about her. Don’t get me wrong, I make sure I get my share, but really making her happy, seeing that excitement and emotion in her eyes and that beautiful smile, is what drives me on a daily basis.

Oh and as to “nice guys are boring”, guess that depends on your definition of exciting. I’m not going to go rob a bank or pick a fight with a 6’6” 340 biker, but I keep things interesting, whether we’re on the move or at home, there’s always something new to do if we want to.

NB: I’m not asking this question as a preamble to meet a guy or ask for advice on how to find a nice guy.
Well I’m no telling you then!
Oh, ok, cos I’m nice…........
I consider myself a nice guy. I actually don’t mind if that sometimes means I’m considered by others to be a bit boring. I know I’m not.
I’m polite, respectful and generally calm and collected.
I can be an A-Hole sometimes, can’t we all?
As for wild and exciting? If the need requires it and I have a 24volt battery and a set of jump leads handy, sure!

a nice guy- doesn’t cheat. is honest. can talk to you. generous. polite. nice guys can be exciting, too. to sum it up, not someone who is an ass.

My husband is a good guy, but not boring. He is attractive, dresses well, I would say flirtatious (but not desrespectful to me) he loves motor cycles, and car racing, is self assured, college degree, works in the coporate world, likes to go out, and likes to stay home. I rarely get that macho idiot feeling from him, he is not overly possessive or controlling. He always calls me or asks me when he is going to buy something, lets me know if he will be late (which is very rare) always wants me around. I think he feels good about himself through his accomplishments and not by being the powerful one in a relationship.

Basic integrity, and being treated as a partner, no power struggle, that is what you need to look for in a relationship. They are out there.

I think my husband would consider himself a nice guy.

@mrentropy why do you say that?

@SeventhSense how do you define ’strong man’?

@scotsbloke :-)

@JLeslie certainly sounds like a lovely guy x

Interesting that some of you assume that women think nice = boring. I wouldn’t have thought that at all actually, but I can see why you say that. It’s a shame

I like nice guys and have never understood the lure of “bad boys” but I also think some (not most but some) self-identified nice guys are a bit spineless and not strong in the sense of standing up for themselves.

@lynneblundell I think most people associate bad boys as exciting, so the opposite would be boring?? I have been with a bad guy, cheated and lied, and I think women get addicted, not so much that they like the bad boy. Just a theory.

@lynneblundell Because it sets me to be taken advantage of, especially in my current relationship with an out-of-control alcoholic. I go out of my way to be nice, to not hurt feelings, to try and do interesting and romantic things and all it does is cause expectations to rise and the abuse to be twice as bad when things don’t go the way she expects.

I’ve only ever tried to be nice, courteous, respective of other people’s feelings. All it’s gotten me is ignored so I tend to go for the crazies who pay attention to me. Frankly, I’d probably give an appendage (a minor one) if I could beat this and be an ass on occasion.

I have also had bad experiences with abusive men, though my last relationship, he wasn’t the only one to blame. I have spent years being scared to trust men and always saying, I wish I could find a nice one, and when I did I provoked them to prove I was right, that there isn’t such a thing. But now I feel I have met the one, I don’t feel the need to provoke him, plus I don’t think it would work with him. I genuinely believe he is a real nice man, though I do still have my trust issues and that will take time.

@mrentropy when I first met my now husband, and I was still carrying on and things- he told me very firmly, that it would stop or be over. simple. And I would consider him a ‘nice guy’.

I don’t know about “nice”, but I am a guy. I also know that you can treat a woman with respect and still not let her walk all over you.

The whole good guy/bad boy thing is something we let Hollywood program into our collective unconscious. Why anyone would choose a mate based on such a generic, one dimensional scale just goes to show how much we buy into media generated, Oprah bullshit without even being aware of it.

If you are a man or a woman who dates jerks you need to take a break and work on your self-esteem. Everything else will take care of itself.

Nice Guy
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, “AHHHH! That’s the ugliest child I’ve ever seen in my life!”
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, “Are you ok, dear?”

The lady replies, “I’m so angry, that bus driver just insulted me.”

The man says, “You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I’ll watch your monkey.”

@trailsillustrated Noted, but “carrying on” and being an abusive alcoholic are two different things.

@mrentropy they are different but both are intolerable in a mutually respectful and happy relationship. It’s about boundaries. You will meet someone more able to meet your needs if you set some boundaries- what you will and will not accept in your life.

The only women that say they want a ‘nice guy’ are the ones that have never been around one. For ‘nice guy’, read ‘doormat that lets the woman run the place.’

I don’t think any male can truly answer this for themselves. Because they don’t know what criteria a woman looks for. As such, I will answer about Arisztid.

Aris is NOT a ‘nice guy.’ Aris is a man, in every sense of the word. He is strong, stubborn, silly, childish, mature, annoying, adorable, sweet, loving, kind, irritating, and sexy. He is exactly what many women would truly want in a man. If they are honest. a ‘nice guy’ is just plain boring. Aris is a nice guy when he needs to be. But he is so very much more, he could never be labled as anything other than 100% male.

I have learned that although being a bad ass is cool when your like 16.. it generally dosn’t have a good lasting impression on any relationship, but being a super nice dork at that age generally dosn’t get you much attention. Although this behavior works out better once you do get someone later down the road. I was always taught to be respectful and kind to anyone that I generally interact with especially those that you care for. I really don’t know how to be mean under these conditions.

I know I am a nice guy because the Hot Chicks never talked to me unless they were crying from an encounter with a not so nice guy. Then after a little while they lose interest in me and off to another better looking not so nice guy. Then back to me like a yo yo. I used to give ‘em 2 chances, then I rebuff them. Now that I am married, I am a safe guy too.

Well, I suppose I’m nice. I’m fairly incapable of manifesting (or maintaining) anger. Not really sure how else to describe myself without sounding like I’m ‘advertising’.

The differences between the phrase ‘nice guy’ for males and females differs not only in context, but in meaning altogether. Guys will whine along the lines of “I can’t find a girlfriend because I’m too much of a ‘nice guy’.” which roughly translates to “I expect a girlfriend despite my total lack of social skills and understanding of basic human emotions.”. Then there’s the female version of ‘nice guy’, which you’ve stated in the question.

There’s another female version of the phrase. The wonderfully tactful move of using a compliment to break up with someone: You’re a really nice guy, but…

@mrentropy
This question is by nature going to be nearly impossible to get clarity on and definitely requires reading between the lines. It’s the basic way men and women communicate so differently that makes it so difficult.
Strange that there’s so many nice men but women can’t find a nice man huh?.
I just know what’s worked for me, not theory. You don’t have to be an ass to have an edge, but you need to be true to yourself. Putting up with anything is not honest or respectful for anyone. And if you’re looking for acknowledgment you will never find it because your looking in the wrong place. It comes from within.

@lynneblundell
A strong man is a man who is respectful of himself and others. He can be open and vulnerable but only with a woman who has shown to have earned this trust. To offer gifts and romance without this trust is manipulative and unfair to both. It’s manipulative on his part because whether he realizes it or not he’s trying to elicit a response, behavior from her whether it be sex or affection. It’s unfair to her because it doesn’t allow her the room for these feelings to develop naturally but she feels an obligation. Now if he continues this without a reciprocal expression of affection she can become manipulative by just using him. At this point she can start to lose respect for him and once a woman loses respect for a man he is in a bad place like our friend here.

I have been with the “nice guys” and I have been with the abusive and hateful men as well. I prefer men that are nice, but are not doormats. I want them to know what they want, not just do what I want

I’m not known as a nice guy but I am a gentleman.

I have never had any trouble finding a nice guy. I didn’t start dating until I was in college, but all three of my husbands were the nicest guys on the planet. I thought when I lost the first two, the world would end, but my third husband and I have now been married for 35 happy years and still going strong.

I think my husband is super nice to me and to others – this doesn’t prevent him from being sexy or passionate or exciting – I never understood why all these things must be mutually exclusive

I’ve decided not to be nice

Muahahahah

@SeventhSense I’m not so sure that some women are actually looking for nice guys. It’s a handy thing to say when you’re in a crap relationship but I’d bet dollars to donuts that when it came down to a choice they’d choose the same type of person they were just with. I base that on my own inability to find a “nice (sane)” woman. Although, if we want to be brutally honest here, I did have a nice woman and we broke up. She was relatively sane, but I was really young at the time and there was a huge age difference between us.

And, in defense of myself, I’m not usually a doormat and I don’t usually let people walk all over me. In this case, though, if it’s a case of not having things thrown at me or not having all my stuff landing out on the driveway then I opt for going the easy way and taking the abuse. This is, however, something I regret doing. Right now there are four entities that really don’t want to see hurt and that keeps me in this situation. I’m not saying it’s right and I’m not saying it’s good. It’s just the way it is at this time.

But there have been plenty of women in my life, as friends, who have told me they wished they could find someone as nice as me. And I was single at the time. If they really wanted someone like me, they could have had me. But, hey, maybe it’s best that they didn’t. At this point I’m going with the idea that I’m really meant to be alone.

And, you know, being nice doesn’t mean being a Milquetoast. Saying, “Yes dear” or “No dear” all the time. Being nice, to me, is being respectful. Being loving. Doing small kind things when the opportunity presents itself. Keeping your significant other’s desires in mind. Not taking advantage of them. Being a partner in life, not just an available punching bag.

And that’s how I want to be treated, so I don’t think it’s such a stretch.

@mrentropy
In this case, though, if it’s a case of not having things thrown at me or not having all my stuff landing out on the driveway then I opt for going the easy way and taking the abuse.

This is not acceptable to me and if you haven’t lost her respect you’re in danger of losing your own. I certainly commiserate with you if you have children and that obviously takes precedence but nothing is worth sacrificing your self esteem. But fearing that you’re wife is going to lose it on you? You can’t be held hostage by an irrational person regardless of their sex. That can’t be healthy for the children either. How soon before she becomes abusive to the kids, if she isn’t already? Personally I wouldn’t put my children in that situation. It sounds difficult and I’m not going to guess I know your situation but you can’t shirk from conflict just because it’s difficult.

@SeventhSense As time goes by I am more and more convinced that I never had her respect. What I do have is a job and a steady income. No, it’s not healthy. And I agree with everything you said, especially the word “hostage.”

Also, they aren’t my children.

Dude, get a dog. You’ll be happier.

I am a nice guy. It makes my wifes friends all that more attracted to me, as well as many other women that I know, and meet. They all say they wish they could clone me, or that their husbands, boyfriends, etc. were more like me. My niceness makes me sexier. This is all occording to my wife who rolls her eyes and says another person she just met thinks I’m adorable and sexy. She smiles and says “thanks!”, then comes home and laughs with me about it.

I don’t see what they really see, but I do try to make my wife happy and to let her know how much I love her. I enjoy making her feel special and happy. Obviously her friends notice this and miss it in their relationships. I don’t do it to make them envious, nor do I stay in shape to look good for them. I do it for my wife, and thereby for myself.

When my babys happy, I’m happy.

<——puking

lol @SeventhSense hee hee hee

@SeventhSense Oh good! While he’s sick to his stomach, I’ll show them what a real man (who happens to also be sensitive) is like. Not that it matters. We’ve got this all sewn up.

haha yay @SeventhSense

Cheers
…and spice and everything nice

I didn’t see this.

My theory is, if he has to tell you he’s a nice guy, then he isn’t. Actions, not words. Usually, the dude saying it’s whinging, too, isn’t he?

“Why doesn’t the 5’ 10” bleached blonde with the pneumatic boobs want meeeeee??! I’m a nice guy!!!!” Ugh.

@aprilsimnel, I agree totally. I might not attrack the pneumatic breasted blonde, but I really don’t care to. Ive known a few and they were more work than they were worth. I prefer the real women who don’t play games and aren’t looking for a sugar daddy. Give me an honest, smart woman who likes to laugh and have fun.

My boyfriend is a very nice guy. He’s intelligent, funny, sweet and very loving. I do agree with the person above me that if the guy has to TELL you he’s nice, then he’s probably not.

Let his actions speak louder than his words.

For example, when my mother passed on back in March, I called my boyfriend in a state of hysterics and before I even got any words out besides “My mother’s died”, he’d offered to come to the funeral, come over to my house and comfort me and then, the day before the funeral, took me out to get my mind off everything.

If that doesn’t equal a nice guy, I don’t know what does.

@amazonstorm
That’s a man.

@amazonstorm that’s beautiful…I hope to meet someone like that someday xx I’m comforted that there are men out there like this xx

@lynneblundell
There’s a lot of us men out there like that. Some of us know when to come to the plate.