Have you ever regretted breaking up with your partner?

ive regretted it countless times. mainly becuase after the breakup i calm down and start thinkin (wat the hell man i broke up for such a dumb reason and she really is a good girl) and then we usually end up back together..those are the not so serious break ups.

I regret not shooting them !!!

haha @Pretty_Lilly sometimes i think the same.

I did at first during my divorce…not a fun experience…but 20 years removed I have the finest, sweetest, funniest most incredible woman I could have ever imagined in my life!!

No regrets!!

No. My ex wife was bi-polar and made me talk to her through stuffed animals and would yell at me through her stuffed bear when she got angry. On top of that getting stabbed with a pair of sissors really took the romance out of our relationship
> Another ex of mine decided to steal from me for a period of a year to feed her alcohol habit. Of course she had to be sleeping with a guy that she kept bringing over to the house saying that he was a childhood “friend” and that she would never sleep with him. On top of that she decided to get back at me for kicking her out was to duplicate my keys, break in and trash my place stealing a lot of my personal stuff.
> One of my most recent ex’s thought it was cool to spy on me at work and decided to duplicate all my phone numbers in my phone and call them all to make sure I wasn’t sleeping with them. Oh no…. NO REGRETS HERE!

@Tenpinmaster I had bi polar… bi polar depression that is…. nothing funny about it… but the scissors thing… wow, that’s just messed up so I’m glad your out of those relationships… I use to just cry and be less of myself… I kicked my boyfriend hard and threw a bottle the day we broke up because I paid for everything… he didn’t pay or buy anything for me… and he would ask me to buy things for him while telling his friends how clingy I am behind his back… he even asked money from me when I was crying…. he never initiated intimacy… I always did because I wanted to be loved…. instead he pretty much was asking for ‘I don’t want sex but I’ll take a blow job’.... the day we broke upI just cried and went to work while he called out and asked me to come back… but I went and later that day he txt messaged me and broke up….

At the moment I just want us both to be happy, I don’t hold grudges and I never was an angry or upset person… but after a few months he suddenly messages me and I think he’s waiting to talk to me….. I’m thinking… what the hell? But we were both wrong… but advice or if any one could tell me what I did really wrong would be really nice, because I just really want to understand the situation better….

@Tenpinmaster-do you see the common denominator?

No,once it gets to that point it’s done.

I dated a girl for almost 2yrs, she even moved from Miami to Orlando to be with me…but i had been cheating on her for about 6 months with my “night time” gf.

By the time we got to Orlando she was around all the time, i used that as an excuse to break up with her…that i “needed space”. Now i look back at all she did for me and i was dumb, i was 18 and i just wanted to uh f___ as many girls as i could basically. Now that im older all i want is that kind of relationship again and i cant really find the girl to fit the spot like she did.

The one break up i regret and feel like a shit head for.

@JesusWasAJewbot I guess… you were young, and you weren’t wanting the same thing… I admit I think you shouldn’t of treated her that way… but I think you shouldn’t dwell on it if you do because it would probably bring you down when your thinking too much of what you could of had…. but it’s good you realized what was your fault, because thats how we grow and learn what we want… I guess I am still learning what I want to, but at the same time I don’t think what I want now will change at all… I always want a long term loving relationship but then… should i be thinking about that now? I’m only 19…

oh hell yea, i have regreted breaking up with 2 woman in my life, but ive always found someone better, and i think thats because im not afraid to see the error in my ways. i miss the hell out of them , but if they we wouldnt have broke up i don’t think i would be in tune with myself like i am today.

@bean Honestly a long term loving relationship is something hard, even at my age (22) its still hard to find someone ELSE who is as willing as you. Understanding, loyalty, commitment, trust. All those things are hard to come by sometimes, expectations are built by people being in passed relationships and are carried over into new ones unfortunately.

If you want a long term loving relationship, be ready to have TONS of crappy short term ones, be heartbroken, be sad, be mad. But with all the shitty relationships, being cheated on, being lied too, crying over women (yes ill admit it), i keep my faith in love and in people that you know one day i will find someone who will show me the mutual respect and love that im ready to show them.

Just remember, no risk – no reward.

@JesusWasAJewbot thats very true…. I’ve been in only one relationship, which was my first for 2 years… we are mature people… but he didn’t treat me well, and then broke up with me…. I was really stupid… and I reckon.. wow… i need more respect for myself… and I shouldn’t of done so much for him…. it should of been 50/50… it was 10/90…. or probably 0/100…. and I was the giver D:

@bean Dont worry it happens to both males and females, last relationship i was in was the same way. I did anything for this girl, i chased her for over 3 years (she was my friend since i was 15). Now she is no longer my friend, doesnt speak to me and broke my heart 2x. But what can you do? Its a shame that sometimes when you give someone so much they take advantage of it, they think you will ALWAYS be there, you will ALWAYS be willing to go the extra mile to be with them yet they wont show it in return.

There comes a point where you notice that the more you give, the less they respect you. I hate to say it but sometimes you have to shit on people to get theyre respect. When it comes to that point i dont even think the relationship is worth it. It should be a mutual thing, mutual want, mutual need for that other person but its not always the case.

@JesusWasAJewbot I totally understand that

I haven’t; next Tuesday will be 36 years.

I’ve regretted a couple of breakups, but saw no way to carry on.
I still think fondly of those girls, Still kinda have feelings for one of them. I bet they’d want me strung up from the highest lamp-post by my goolies!!

@janbb as funny as it sounds… I’m not sure if I should be worried about the fact your counting those years….

@bean Not sure what you mean….I was just saying we’ll be celebrating our 36th anniversary.

@janbb ooh!!!! well, congrats!!! may I ask how your going to celebrate?

Nope. My most recent ex just called me last night from a gas station pay phone wanting a place to stay for a couple weeks until he could get some money. Not only no, hell no. He had, a few weeks ago, told me that he would rather spend all his money on pills knowing that he would then be broke and homeless than try to save a few dollars. When I reminded him of this little speech he said I was rubbing it in and saying I told you so. No, but I’m not his safety net so that he can keep making stupid decisions then have a warm place to stay when it turns out badly. He STILL doesn’t get what he’s doing wrong. The pills have him really good and he’s no longer capable of rational decisions or conversation. I only regret not getting out sooner.

@Trillian HELL YES! now thats the way to do it. FUCK YOOOOUUUU BRO!

@bigboss 100% agreed

@bean i hate people that do you wrong and then come back either beggin for help or beggin to be your friend. my ex girl cheated on me with a girl AND GUY, now the whore wants to come back and say she wants to die kuz she feels so bad for what she did. my friend told me she locked herself in the bathroom and wouldnt come out unless i talked to her and wanted to overdose. i, knowing this girl is a liar, just said “hurry the fuck up and do it somebody might need to use the bathroom.”

she claims she just wants to be my friend. i think that its bullshit to be friends with an ex that cheated on you or did you wrong in anyway. becuase NO REAL FRIEND WOULD EVER HURT YOU LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE. so no bitch keep it moving. i heard bleach helps the dying process.

@bigboss Ex’s are ex’s for a reason, its better to leave it that way then to keep on going.

@bigboss I envy how strong you are… and I’m so FREAKING GLAD YOUR OUT OF THAT TWISTED MESS! jeeze… she sounds like an absolute whore and attention seeker….

I resent throwing bleach :( I’ve never been so upset or hurt in my life… I never want to stoop down to a low level… I just wish I had the strength to break up with him…. and I wish I was myself back then, just calm and patient… instead of hurting every day and being love sick for some one who didn’t deserve so much…

@JesusWasAJewbot exactly, never have regrets and NEVER MOVE BACKWARDS. i have another ex that wanted another chance with me as well, this one i didnt hate and never cheated on me. but i just dont like moving backwards so i denied her request.

@bean oh youd be suprised, im not so strong, its actually hard for me to leave a girlfriend. with my ex i had no choice, there was no way that i was going to stay with someone who would treat me like that. she was crazy and i saw it. she wanted me back the week after sending me pictures of sonograms saying she waas pregnant and to this day no baby, she was a pathological liar and there was no way in hell that i would ever go back to that.

and i didnt mean i would throw bleach at her. i meant that if she wants to overdose, then go and drink sum bleach while your at it (joke) hehehe

and one more thing, i completely understand the position you are in with your boyfriend, i am currently with a girl that i love with every ounce of my bieng and i know that her love for me is not as great. we have alot of problems, but i just cant seem to pull away from her. our memories are like an anchor that keeps me from leaving, but eventually i will get tired of being hurt, and eventually become numb and leave.

@bigboss I think from all the time’s i was upset and I even pushed him away and i’ve slapped him before for asking me for money while i was crying…. it was COMPLETELY wrong of me but I think he also became tired of it too and left…. but we have had some good times… god knows only because I tried… and the bleach thing… i threw bleach at my boyfriend the day we broke up… i thought you were talking about that haha! and now i think he’s just holding my best friends guitar captive and wont bring it back every time we ask him so he can keep me on some sought of LEASH!!!!!!!! I want to be free!!! I said to him bring it back while I’m away then we both can move on!! he wont do it!!!! he’s making me mental!!!! D: but you are strong! I am probably like 1/10nth of what you are! I need more respect for myself! other wise who could love me with out walking all over me!
Countless times… I’ve pushed him away, physically and told him ‘why are we like this’.... why am I like this…. this isn’t me…. but when i do something wrong… I apologize straight away, and I don’t drink or do any of that stuff, I’d rather die before i cheat on some one… he just decided to ignore me every time i got upset… which became more frequent… if i didn’t do so much I wouldn’t of been so hurt i think…

@bigboss You got that right about the friend thing. he tried that line and he also said something about my lack of compassion. Whatever. I work hard at two jobs and go to school online two classes per semester. I started late and that’s my own fault. Whatever.
You and @bean are talking about how much these people hurt you. Here’s how you get yourself over that. Remember every time you hear or think about them: You never meant anything to them. They did nothing but use your emotions do get you to do whatever for them. Repeat after me: I mean nothing to him (her). I mean nothing to him.
That’s right, even now when it’s all over, I mean nothing and I never did. All the time and effort, every little thing I did to make something special, or nice. It meant NOTHING!
Stop letting these people hurt you, and save your affections for someone who can appreciate them. Don’t jump right into another relationship looking for someone to help you get over it. Revel in your regret. FEEL every bit of pain and sorrow, Grieve the loss of the relationship, or the loss of who you thought you were with. GO through the whole process. This is a cathartic and will help you be a different person when you’re through the process, AND you’ll make a better decision the next time. Go slowly, don’t go with a simple physical attraction, this leads to regret. Base your relationship on attraction and mutual respect and a desire to work together towards common goals. This is a good foundation, without which a relationship has no choice but to fall apart. Good luck both of you!

@Trillian god… I can’t tell you how right you are…. my ex boyfriend was very attractive, wanted to be an actor, he was soo obsessed and scared when he began to lose his hair… obsessed about it every day… you know what i said to him… i pretty much shouted ‘YOU LOOK WONDERFUL AND I LOVE YOU AND THERE HAS BEEN NO CHANGE TO YOUR LOOKS’ he was scared i would break up with him when he thought he wasn’t good looking enough… I told him to shut up because he was wonderful and looked fantastic… but I didn’t go for him just because of the way he looked…. I actually hated him until he turned out to be a really open nice guy… Don’t worry, I’ve told my self countless times this isn’t worth it and I’m worth nothing to him and he is worth nothing to me! but trust me… when I say it’s over, I never go back. and it’s over. I’m just so mega curious to what he has to say for himself if he ever came back to talk to me… which looks like it…

@bean im telling you, you dont know how weak most ppl really are. its all jusst an appearance, if i sat here and told you all my moments of weakness it would take up too many pages. its tough for some people to have pride in a relationship becuase they want to be wit the person so bad that they sacrifice alot of things in order to maintain that relationship even if the other person is not sacrificing anything because they know they HAVE you. this all comes from a fear of being alone, or from fear of not finding anyone else “as good” as your current bf or gf. when reality is, if you found him, chances are youll find someone else. confidence in your own individuality and the fact that you need to realize that no matter how “mediocre” you think you are, YOU REALLY ARE AN AMAZING PERSON. how can i say that without knowing you? becuase unless your a child rapist or a person that loves to kick puppies in the face. everyone is amazing in their own way. what most people lack is the ACCEPTANCE OF THAT FACT. myself included. i often cry to myself wondering “why doesnt she love me the way she used to” and i start to think bad of myself and blame myself. i know i shouldnt but giving advice and following it are two different things. i could sit here and type away all day with good advice of how to hold urself and respect urself but its hard to follow. aaaaayyyy…like i said JU ARE AMAZING AND SO AM I…oh and trillian too lol.

@Trillian i completely agree with you. and the lack of compassion?...fffffffffuck you druggie, people will try to GUILT you into a relationship, you just have to ignore those comments and just keep it movin. i love your advice btw…IM REPEATING IT NOW

@bigboss LOL true true, and thanks and I’ve been feeling and thinking the same way you have too… time to not give a crap about him now I reckon…. I’m gonna try!

@bean great, i dont know if this the right place to hit on people but i just looked at your profiel and your really cute, you’ll be ok in finding someone that will treat you right. dont worry have faith in yourself that you are a catch and that if a guy isnt gonna treat you right, you will find someone who will

@bigboss haha thanks :D and thank you so much for your advice, it really helps to gather perspective on the subject, and you deserve so much more then some stupid girl who cheats!

I’ve been the breaker far less times than I’ve been the breakee. Probably because I give it careful thought when I do. I’ve regretted it, but not to the extent of wanting the person back.

@bean why thank you flutherfrend. i hope you can remember these things, its so easy to go back to the old you.

@bigboss :D yeah haha! I’m so much my self now a days, no anger NOTHING! which is great! I’m my quiet self again and if he does come to me, I’ll be able to handle it well and just be nice to him… I don’t want to treat him the way he treated me… bad, but I will be nice and not letting myself go back to him will be more than enough for me… he is below me, and I am better than this. this is what I’m thinking haha

@bean theres nothing wrong with being a little mean now and then. lol not saying its the right thing but sometimes peoplle may learn how it feels.

you know the phrase “kill them with kindness?” its so much more fun with anger! lol just kiddin.

@bigboss LOL true, being mean does kind of send a wake up call…. but even been nice can be more hard for them?.... I guess that’s what I’ll be waiting for then…. but i’ll have to see if he does or does not come to talk to me… I’m still unsure about that part haha

@bean if he doesnt….eff it… he doesnt deserve you.

@bigboss thanks :)

No. I don’t regret breaking up with a cheater. I deserve more than that.

@liliesndaisies yeah. exactly. Well, the upside is, whoever he cheated with, he’ll be cheating on next.

@Trillian yes and I have lost all the respect I had for him when all the drama came. It was NOT worth it. I should consider the ability to spot Red Flags as a skill.

i hate when people cheat…..not only does it hurt the one your with, but other cheaters will hurt the one you MAY be with in the future and becuase of it could cause problems in the relationship like trust issues, paranoia or always assuming your bf and gf are lying…they just really mess a person up.

No. Each and every relationship I’ve been in died at the proper time. Had they gone on longer, nothing good would have come of it. I have only one Ex with whom I am not on speaking terms, and that is because he was abusive. The others are still good friends.

Um… @bean, does he look better after the bleach? ; )

the guitar thing – ouch – why not let the friend that owns the guitar go after it. It’s not you he’s hurting (mostly)

Ouch. Time heals all wounds.

All of your instincts will scream at you relieve the deprivation. It is the glue that has held society together for eons.

Like a bad drug however, you both try yet end up hurting. Some never stop trying.

Did you know that pain is a gift?

When you step on a nail, it tells you DON’T!

When you separate what does it tell you?

Go back…, or can you go back without pain?

In most cases it’s telling you it’s not working. It’s important to try to separate the pain from the decision to separate, and why it appeared a good idea.

There will be times you may have to endure for the sake of a higher calling (kids) – other times it’s important to cut your losses (and theirs too). Life is a series of attempts to find a place in the world.

Carry on Comrade ; )

One of them I did because he was the most positive for me, wanted the best for me, for the both of us but I was very ambitious at the time, stubborn too. He didn’t drink, smoke or do any drugs and I was drinking and smoking, hanging out after work with co workers to eat and drink into the early morning hours and this really hurt his feelings. I wanted the liveliness of mixed company and he wanted alone time, quiet time. I was too immature to actively look for alternatives he would be included in and instead I shut him out and took his love for granted.

At first I regretted it because I thought I would miss all of the good times. However I figured out that I deserved better and now I have no regrets! I honestly think everything happens for a reason.

@TLRobinson Yes, I do. You know you often go back in your head wondering why you were able to put up with the garbage as long as you did. I don’t think I really loved any of them but I think I was afraid of being alone at that time and it made it harder to up and leave. I really do love the person I am with now and I can see the difference when someone actually truly cares about you and respects you compared to what i’ve been through before.

@Tenpinmaster:
There’s a huge difference in feeling loved for who you are rather than out of responsibility, gratitude, default or dread of loneliness. Yay for finding good love!

No. The men I had relationships and I were not suited. None of them.

It’s something; you have to have the experiences of relationships to learn about yourself in relationship, but I really wasn’t emotionally healthy enough. I shouldn’t have been dating any man, so starved I was for the love that I didn’t know how to give myself. I only realized this after I had a few and did something to make each one implode and had a think about them.

I learned from each one something important about communication and self-respect, and that they were not responsible for giving me the esteem and regard for myself that I needed to learn how to generate as a kid; when I met these guys, my childhood was over and from then on, I would have to learn how to take care of myself emotionally and stop expecting someone else to do the work my parents should have done. I didn’t realize that at the time, of course, but it’s still no less true. Them’s the breaks.

Sometimes, I think that my exes, if and when they think of me, probably think I was a psycho, and that makes me sad. I think it makes me sad because I don’t like to remember what sort of person I was in those days. I didn’t mean to ever dump my childhood shit on them or to be clingy or needy or to be an emotional vampire. I can only hope they’re married or in good relationships to mature, lovely women today.

@aprilsimnel your honesty and introspection are refreshing. I feel what you’ve said, but have never articulated it. Thank you. Except some of them I don’t wish all that well for. You must be a nicer person than me.

I also like what @aprilsimnel wrote and want to add a few things. Some people are given guidance as they’re raised about what a positive relationship is about, how best loving people dispute things and learn each other. Others have no guidance, no positive role models, divorced parents who no longer value relationships or families who don’t feel the child is valuable enough to invest that kind of guidance in to begin with.

Some of us learn as we go, by the seat of our pants and more often than not, we fail. Maybe we fail a little less each time as we learn lessons, develop better people skills and keep on trying. It’s not fair to the partners we go through and some of them end up feeling like the next person gets the better deal because in reality, it’s probably true. There are those who look at us and scorn how many partners/spouses we’ve and think we’re hopeless that we’ll never be able to have a solid loving relationship. What I’ve seen though is those with endurance and the positive want do find good partners- eventually.

No, I am glad both my ex boyfriends are my ex’s. I am still good friends with one of them.

What happened to bean is she still on fluther??? I hope shes ok…..and she already knows how I feel about her dumb bf argh…what a douche he is.

@Steve_A I think she is still here

@dutchbrossis I was going to leave a comment for her but the account is no longer is active, no page.As I was talking to her before.

Just worried that she is ok ya know…...that bothers me after she talks about this then disables her account….

No, not regret… but I do miss him sometimes. I know those are delusional feelings because I am ignoring the countless times he has hurt me. The easy thing to do to get rid of these feelings would be to go back to him, but I know I’d be severely unhappy. I know he is lying when he says he’ll change, because he has a gift. He has a gift at manipulating you into getting what he wants. In many cases, manipulated me into believing he cared about how much he hurt me.

What I’ve learned is that actions speak louder than words. He was all talk, and no action. The same old guy that hurt me continuously, and still tries to with however he can. Despite all he’s done to me, I still hope he seeks help through therapy or God and fixes his issues. I doubt he even accepts he has them – he’s too stubborn and only believes in what he thinks. I guess that can’t be helped… but I wish him luck.

@Steve_A @dutchbrossis hey :D um…. long story…. kind of accidentally deleted my account… I went to fix something, this is my new account….
and it’s bean btw

@liliesndaisies amen to that!

@bottles LOL.

@JesusWasAJewbot yeh, luagh it up…. it wasn’t funny when my computer decided to freeze and it suddenly skips to the page ‘Sorry to see you go… your account has been deleted’ O_O

@JesusWasAJewbot wait a minute….. why are you luaghing D:

@Tenpinmaster thanks. and lately one ex talks to me on YM. Now i don’t regret it even with them. They are the same someone who expects me to bend to their needs and wants. I do all the waiting. And yet, they can’t even give up an hour of their sleep to be with me.