Questions about being a virgin?

This is a young person’s question, and it pops up rather frequently on Fluther. The fact is that there is no particular value to virginity either way. It just doesn’t matter very much. It seems to matter to you because you ruminate about it, but my advice is just to wait and see what happens.

First, it does not matter if the girl that you first have sex with is a virgin or not. What matters is that you care for her and want to make love to her.

Second, you don’t really need to focus so much on being a virgin. When it is right, it will happen. You will know pretty much what to do. it will come naturally. Just be prepared with condoms.

As for why you are lomely, you don’t say whether you are in school or not. How do you meet girls? Why haven’t you met anyone that you like enough to ask out?

You need to go where girls are to meet them.

@Marina I was an d should have stayed in school (doing core classes) but I am leaving for the Air Force in 6 months I already talked to a recruiter and all, take the ASVAB this tuesday but I did the practice test and passed fine so Iam not too worried.

but anyways family problems where still about kinda lost focused and starting working full time needed more money to help out. So for a little while there it was help my family,work and play my music….

but things are working out now my gandma talked with the social worker and my aunt and they are going to basically take care of them now.

so with that…I am kinda focusing back to myself again and well I realized all this…..

@pdworkin Thats true…

Well, you sound like your life is still in flux. If you are going into the Air Force in six months, do you really want to start something serious with a girl now?

In the meantime, look up old friends from school: male and female. Get back in touch with them. Take a class at a local college. You can meet people that way.

Just be aware that your life will go through a big change when you get into the Air Force. You will have to go through basic training, and then you will be moved somewhere.

@Steve_A As @Marina said, it doesn’t matter if she is a virgin or not.
What matters is how you feel about her. Trust is an important issue (I believe) when it comes to sex. I think you will feel better about it if you trust the girl/woman.
You seem like a nice thoughtful guy. Take your time, there is no rush.

@Marina You have a good point, that would not make sense. I am looking forward to it all, I like and respect the pride,discipline,etc…Of it all or least thats the idea to become a better self in the end of it and serve my country.

I am also looking forward to leaving FL lived here my whole life, its boring to me.And I feel my siblings will be safe with my aunt and grandma they are stern, its a good thing. :)

I am not in any rush, more just wanted to talk about it, because for whatever reason it started to ponder my mind…..

This question also stems somewhat from I girl I met not too long ago been talking for 2 months but the things I found out about her were just ugh she even posted her sexual encounters on myspace just because she “does not care” what people think.Complete uber pothead and drinks jeez….

That was a real buzz kill for me and I thought for sure she was not like that when I first saw her which is why I made a move but hey what can I do? So I just stayed single ya know….

I agree with @Marina and @wilma it doesn’t matter if the one for you will be a virgin or not. The one is not going to tease and make fun of you because you are, if they aren’t a virgin then they can guide you and make you feel more comfortable about sex. Also keep in mind that “you should test drive the car before you buy it” in terms of sex before marriage. I say this because it would really stink to be married to someone who is not good in bed, but that’s my personal opinion. However don’t feel like you need to have sex right away. It’s better to share it with someone who you connect with and really love/care for in your life.

You guys are right it does not matter if she is or not, I guess I got a little to carried away…..it’s just what I have been through in life, I don’t want something that is “tainted” and for whatever reason I started to think that if she is not a virgin then something is wrong…..

Thats my own insecurity there what can I say?

I know how you feel. I’m 16 and am still a virgin, which isn’t that bad. However, i’ve never been in a real relationship and haven’t even kissed a guy yet. How pathetic lol.
Dont stress over it, it just depresses you. When the right person comes along, they wont care about that stuff, they’ll just be happy that they get to be with you.

@Steve_A I have to second @pdworkin. You should just wait and let it happen when the time is right. Some things should not be rushed. Having sex simply for the sake of wanting to have the experience kind of diminishes the whole thing.
you say you’re getting ready to go into the Air Force, that’s good. Maybe the discipline and focus will give you some more direction and guidance. Or are you worried that you’ll be teased by a bunch of guys in your company?
What you said about that girl with the postings raises a good point and I hope you’ll remember it. You were surprised and disappointed, thought she wasn’t like that. How would you have felt had you been with her and then found out? It’s always a good idea to wait and not rush things. The longer you hang with a person, the more you find out. So when you do become interested, try not to rush it. That way you won’t have to regret sharing yourself with someone.

You could make it a whole lot easier on yourself if you stop worrying about their sexual history and just date her because you like her :)

I’mma let you in on a little secret -

Virginity, and the act of “losing it”, isn’t a contest. It’s not a big deal, nobody cares, and you don’t get a medal for dropping the V-card before a certain point in your life.

Focus on getting your life in order, and when someone comes along that’s worth developing a relationship with, then worry about sex.

@Steve_A, actually, go ahead and pay some attention to sexual history, as it can equate to a medical history. Once you’ve been exposed to something, you can’t undo it. A little precaution could be the literal saving of your life.

Well I had just meant that I did not find it very appealing when she did that, I mean she said one guy was a 34 year old crack head. And I did not ask or try to find out it, it was on the bulletin thing :|....

I guess I should take that lightly?

but anyways I thank you guys as I am glad I am talking about this, you have all brought up good points for sure.

I think what I will do is focus back on studying,music and future goals Air Force etc….I mean thats basically what I was doing anyways.

It just came onto my mind after not having a girlfriend for such along time was all and I started thinking about it…what else can I say…..

@Seek_Kolinahr I did not mean it like that….

@ Steve_A i’m glad you feel better after talking about it. And good idea to focus on studying etc.

Enjoying being a virgin for as long as you can. Cause ounce you find that special someone the loving making will be great.

Your belief in God doesn’t have to weigh in on your decision to hold your virginity as a once in a lifetime experience to share with another person. A girl who is also a virgin may or may not value hers the way you do yours so don’t let that be a big part of your decision either. A girl who respects how you’ve honored your virginity, that’s the girl for you. So many of us wish we would have had wonderful partners the first time, you seem to already be geared to accept no less, hurray for you!

I totally understand where you’re coming from. My close friend/ex-boyfriend is in a very similar situation.. He stayed home after high school and had a lot of family issues, causing him to stop going to community college. He didn’t really meet any girls after he left high school, and the girls there were sophomores who were more than willing to admit that they had a bit of a sexual history… Not the type of girl he was looking for, I don’t think. He feels like he just keeps waiting for some girl to come around, but it just isn’t happening. I don’t know how I can help him… Other than to remind him that his own happiness should not be based on being in a relationship with someone. (Although saying this is fairly hypocritical based on my own actions in relationships)

About the maturity thing; trust me, there are mature girls out there. I’m a freshman in college, and I feel like I’ve always been more mature than everyone else. I don’t say this in a stuck up way. I just mean that I’ve always been looking ahead and not really interested in going out and being wild and crazy. In fact, I’m rather annoyed by the large groups of loud, obnoxious freshman (who, consequently, are in a group right outside my door, annoying the hell out of my roommate and me) So, what I’m saying, is don’t settle. I’ve met plenty of nice, non-slutty, smart, interesting, and very unique girls. If that’s what you want—then we’re worth waiting for :)

Finally, don’t worry about being a virgin. I was until I was almost nineteen, even though I’ve been in a relationship basically since I was sixteen, with a short break. It’s nothing to be worried about or ashamed of.. I had a hard time deciding when it was the right time to give it up (to a more experience guy), quite the opposite of what you seem to be worried about. Being a virgin is not a bad thing, trust me… The sexual history of the person I’m with now has caused so many fights. Losing it for the sake of losing it is not good, as it seems that this is someone valuable to you. Don’t let people tell you it doesn’t matter or isn’t special. People told me this. They were wrong. Good luck :)

Just do whats right for you. Don’t let anyone else mess up your belief on it. But keep in mind her not being a virgin isn’t going to make it any less important if you choose a girl wisely enough.

But most importantly, don’t feel pressured to do it simply because you haven’t yet. I have a 23 year old friend who is still a virgin, and honestly she’s very beautiful and an amazing person, so I have no doubt she could lose it quickly if she wanted. She’s not even the wait til marriage type, she just wants it to be how she wants it. Just wait until it feels right for you.

I think you should find a woman (doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t a virgin too)
Stop stressing on being a virgin. You’ve seen 40 Year Old Virgin, right? Well that’s how it really is. Women don’t care. In fact, it may be batter for her because of all the STD’s out there.
So forget about being a virgin. That doesn’t matter. Just date around. Maybe try one of those dating sites (eharmonie, or match.com)

@Steve_A I can relate to how you feel. I was a virgin up until I was 19 and I imagined that my boyfriend would be a virgin too, and we’d marry and be happily ever after. When I joined the Air Force I finally met a boy that I felt had boyfriend potential (I had been single up until then.) I fell in love with him, and one day made love with him (and many more times after that) thinking that hey, I know I’ll be with him for the rest of my life—turns out, not true. I broke up with him recently because he was emotionally abusive and the most selfish person I had ever met.

I put myself in a pickle there… and now my whole fairytale idea of meeting another virgin and marrying them is broken. I forgot to mention, when I first started dating him he had told me he was not a virgin but later revealed that he was. So even when it could’ve been a really special moment, and it was, it still could have been more special if he had been honest with me. My point is: I don’t think you should really put too much stress on whether the girl has had sex before, but what what kind of character she has, and that she’s a good woman. I ended up with a virgin who only cared about himself. Wouldn’t you much rather be with a woman who wasn’t a virgin but loved you incredibly and selflessly?

Who knows, luck may give you this loving virgin girl or not. Just don’t worry, and go with the flow. I wish you luck on everything. By the way, I have much respect for you keeping your virginity. There’s not many males that are proud of that.

you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and a good heart. continue sticking to your guns, you’ve done it this long, so why change it now. think of it this way your clean and you don’t have any kids ( not that kids are bad, but they change your life drasticly) i think you may have the holy spirit guiding you and don’t realize it, maybe you could use a little more of the church scene, one day a week isn’t so bad. i would follow my gut instinct, you seem like a good person, so i wouldnt worry about your gut setting you up for failure..

Virginity is not a defect or a disease. It is not something you need to share with everybody you meet because in groups of guys, sharing such information may be a source of discomfort and pressure.

If you meet a woman you feel good about and if you are always prepared (with a condom) for a safe sexual encounter should you want to have one, it won’t matter if she has more experience than you. If she is a virgin, then take a relaxed and playful approach and be able to share some giggles with any beginner challenges you might encounter. Just enjoy each other and treat each other respectfully before, during and especially afterwards. Nobody wants to be discussed like an object or conquest.

It will all turn out fine. I hope you find someone special with whom to explore the experiences.

Your so cute. There are not many 19 years old that would think like that, in fact not many men that would think like that! If it really matters that much to you, then isn’t it best to wait? But then again teenage girls being the way they are these days, there probably isn’t any virgins! Just find someone you are attracted to and let her show you the way.

@Dibley there are teenage girls that are virgins. I myself am one.

@xshortiex I said there weren’t many.

@Dibley Who’s pooping?

@westy81585 What???

being a virgin is fine, seriously… don’t worry about it…. plus waiting for the right person is respecting your self and not throwing it all away just for some fun…. I admire that alot, so wait for the right person and don’t worry about it all! or just wait till you are ready, either way, do what makes you feel comfortable…

@Steve_A I told you last time, nothing wrong with being a virgin, focus on studies :D so much more important, you have so much going for you! xoxo

What puzzles he to no end is “technical virginity”.

This is where a woman regularly performs fellatio and requests and enjoys cunnilingus, who allows male partners to rub their penises between their breasts and or thighs, and may even allow or encourage anal penetration while insisting that since they have not engaged in sex involving a penis in their vagina, that they are virgins.

I prefer an more reasonable definition that applies the term “virgin” to someone who has not yet engaged in intimate sexual acts of any kind.

@Dr_Lawrence Very nicely put.

@Dibley but not a GA?

@Dr_Lawrence Ok, there you go.

@Steve_A I think you get the gist that virginity is not as important as finding someone you really like and that you have similar values (like knowing that she is not going to post stuff all over MySpace, etc). This will make all the difference for you. Just because you are going into the AirForce doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to find someone, but the moving around does make it a little trickier. It sounds like you are approaching it the right way, though. Good luck.