Should I be embarassed that i'm still a virgin?

Jeez, I am 19 and still a virgin I say its not a big deal unless you make it one! :)

I can’t say I was ever in a serious relationship I have had my first kiss and well it was nice and all it ain’t its cracked up to be…it was a bit sloppy I remember lol :D

besides once you do it, not like its going anywhere ,so I figure saving it for the person is more important than anything.

Kissing to me though is not that big a deal…..though sex definitely wait for the right person and you are not even a adult yet, alright? ;) if anything I would wait till your least an adult.

You know this sort of thing has been carefully studied, and in a general way, people who wait are much more likely to be happy about their choice than people who don’t wait. Just live your life, and things will happen.

No.

Oh geez, you’re 16? Don’t be embarrassed, it’s totally cool.

First of all, you shouldn’t be embarrassed that you’re still a virgin. I was a virgin until I was 21 and I’m not at all afraid to admit that. I just hadn’t found someone special I wanted to be with, for my first time, up until that point.

I know it sounds cliche, but yes, someone right will come along that you will feel comfortable with and love and want to make love with. Don’t settle for just anyone and don’t feel pressured that you have to have sex because of peer pressure or because other people your age have already engaged in sexual relations.

You’re only 16 years old and not having experienced a serious relationship is not uncommon either even though some of your friends have. And you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this either because you have your entire life ahead of you and there will be plenty of time for relationships and sex.

Maybe you don’t have a boyfriend yet because you haven’t found someone yet that really appeals to you, enjoys the same things you do, makes you feel special, and cares about and loves you. This is what should be important to you in finding someone decent that you want in your life. Nothing is “wrong” with you except for the fact that you’re stressing way too much about what is going to occur naturally when the time is right.

Be patient, be smart, and do what is best for your heart and your happiness and your self-esteem.

I’m embarrassed for anyone who thinks that’s an issue.

If I had a daughter, I’d want the very, very best for her. That would include having her first time be with somebody special, not just some lay so she could rid of herself of that pesky, unwanted virginity. ;)

You’re doing fine. I know it seems like it’s been forever and that he’ll never come along, but looking back on this time in some years, you’ll realize that you have, quite literally, your whole life ahead of you. I think you’re very wise, actually, because there’s so much out there that could go wrong. Sex feels very good, yes, but it also comes with great responsibility. What if you catch something? What if you fall pregnant? What if the boy tells you he loves you and will stay with you forever, and then the very next day after you sleep with him, he won’t talk to you anymore (and is telling all of his friends how it was to sleep with you)? These things happen, and they happen more easily to young women who might not have the experience to judge the winners from the losers.

I’m not going to be one of those fuddy-duddy old people who tells you to wait until you’re married, because that often doesn’t happen. ;) (In fact, I’d find it difficult to know I want to marry someone if we haven’t shared that yet.) However, sex is something that carries more weight to it than many people admit at such a young age. It’s good to wait until you find someone worthy of you, who will lead you only to pleasure and happiness, not pain and ruin.

And – you’ll find him! :) You surely will.

You are not unusual. This isn’t a big thing. I think it’s actually pretty cool.
It shows you care about yourself, and you’re not just about having sex.

Nope. If you surf the interwebs enough, you will find that there are people, men and women, three times your age or more(!) who are still virgins, not because they’re in service to a religion, but because they’re so afraid that they’re too horrible to be with, that no one will want them enough to be in a relationship with them and they are scared and desperate. Then they isolate themselves because of their poor self-opinion, which just makes their situation worse. It’s a terrible feedback loop and they’re stuck. Don’t you start that shit.

You’re only 16. Believe it or not, someone of your preferred sex who is single and available will find you attractive enough to have sex with. And you’ll like them back. It happens. You have to remember that you are not some unique super-damaged snowflake. Think of all the rat bastards in history, who, even though they were rat bastards, got plenty from men and women who were attracted to them. So you probably won’t get laid today. Believe me, you will before long. Just be yourself and live your life, and give yourself the opportunity to meet as many people as you can. Sooner or later, your number will come up, even with all your self-perceived flaws and issues. Nobody’s perfect. Everyone else has issues, too, and people still find partners who are absolutely crazy about them and want to boink them lots.

:D

NEVER be embarrassed about that! I think it’s great. In this day & age, it’s rare, I think. Don’t go with what your friends say or do. Do what YOU’RE comfortable with. Like has been said here before here, you’ll know in your head & in your heart when the right one is there for you. Because this is a bell that can’t be unrung. Be sure. Let it be something that you look back on with peace & happiness in your heart, not something that you regret.

@xshortiex Also I think you did the right thing by coming asking, and talking about it. I feel much better that I too asked pretty much the same question.I hope you do too.

I wish I could go back in time to your age! I didn’t loose my virginity until I was a freshman in college and like you I was embarrassed that I hadn’t yet. So of course I rushed into it with this guy I didn’t even know to well thinking well hey we are doing it so he must like me. But of course it meant a lot more to me than him, so I completely wasted my first time. Not worth it at all. I think its very important to take your time with these things. I didn’t get my first boyfriend until the summer after that year and we are still together! Relationships can be pretty stressful, so its really really important to go through it with someone who is worth it.

Why on earth would you wonder about that. Running up to the next guy to have sex would be ridiculous. Its not a magic wand. Its not going to better your life, only complicate it more. Sex comes with a package of emotional baggage. With school, friends, parents, activities and hormonal changes, do you really need to pile on extra. Lets say you get pregnant the first time (yes, all it takes is one time) or a disease. Are those two things you want to add to your plate as well? You have plenty of time for a serious relationship. I would think its just hard enough to get through your life as it is. Stop looking at other people and thinking the grass is greener in their yard. There are probably a lot of weeds you don’t see. However, I suppose wondering is normal. In life you will always wonder if you are missing out on something. Don’t be in a hurry. Life will grab you by the throat. You don’t have to go shove your throat in lifes hands.

@ Steve_A yeah i do. I feel much better now. Always do after I talk to someone about my problems :)

Re @Pandora‘s “running up to the next guy to have sex would be ridiculous. Its not a magic wand.”

Although some guys will tell you that theirs is magic. ;)

I was in your shoes. I didn’t really kiss a boy til I was 18 (I don’t really count the time I was 17). The waiting sucked, cause like you, I made a big deal about it, thought something was wrong with me, everyone else was doing it, etc. I’m relieved to know now that nothing is wrong with me, but it’s not like I was missing out on something totally amazing. You don’t need to worry, it’ll happen. I’m still a virgin, but that’s by choice. There’s no rush.

As for the relationship thing? Well, I wanted that too. It didn’t happen for me. I know where you’re coming from with that, too. I’ve had a long-distance, internet relationthip, but as far as your standard, in-the-flesh, always there boyfriend? Still haven’t gotten there. Would I like one? Yes. But I don’t need one. I’ve lived 18 years without one, I think I can manage a while longer :) We still have our whole lives. Enjoy your innocence while it lasts.

@laureth, Well it could be magical if it could also clean the house, do the dishes wash the dishes, do and fold laundry make dinner, breakfast and lunch and give up the remote. LOL

There’s nothing wrong with you at all but there’s a lot of right if you’d rather wait for your first time to be with someone who will respect your virginity and try to make your time together as comfortable and pleasurable as possible.

Decades ago a few friends and I decided we were tired of being what we thought were the last holdouts of virgins in our group so we got together and did the deed and it was so unspectacular that I’ve always regretted it. Just because my partner was also a virgin didn’t add to the experience at all, I’d have been better off waiting for someone I cared for and who cared for me back to where the whole virginity detail was just that, a detail.

OMG!!! same as me….I am becoming 16 in May….and i’m still a virginxD I don’t think there is anything about it….I’ve never been in a relationship before, never been kissed and never been texting a boy or anything….

If you’re 16, you should be a virgin, IMO.

@ MissAnthrope what would you say is an appropriate age?

I’m honestly not a prude, so my answer is not based on being conservative or anything like that. I remember what it’s like to be your age and I know that people around you are hooking up, you have hormones that make sex sound like a great idea, that sort of thing. I have to say, though, that at this age, unless you’re in a loving relationship with someone you trust, you run the risk of making bad decisions and/or getting hurt.

I became sexually active at 15, came close to losing my virginity several times, but I was too scared to actually do it.. for one, it seemed like a really big thing and in a way, it kind of is. I lost my virginity at 18 and in hindsight, I’m really glad I waited. I was more mentally prepared, so the experience was way more enjoyable.

So the answer to your question is no specific age, but I would encourage you to be certain you’re really ready. I suggest maybe in a couple of years.. you’ll be more mature (it’s hard to grasp at your age at how much your brain and mental state will change, but trust me, they will), which means you’ll be more informed and be in a better position to make such serious decisions.

I’m 17 and I went through the same thing you did just over a year ago…it’s not bad at all to be a virgin. It just means you have a good head on your shoulders and it’s perfectly fine to have never had sex at your age! Let’s just say I wish I had known about Fluther when I was 16. Just keep doing what you do. It may not seem to be working but trust me, a genuine guy won’t care wether or not you’ve had sex, he’ll be in it for you, and nothing else.

no you shouldnt be. why is anybody’s business and whats the big deal if you are??

Dont be embarassed silly! I have heard of a girl that didn’t have a boyfriend until her late 30’s! It’s okay darling!

You should absolutely not be embarassed!! It’s very rare that a woman your age has moral standards still, and its something you should be proud of…. not ashamed

@LethalCupcake – Pardon me? Women who choose to be sexual are not displaying a moral deficit.

@MissAnthrope is absolutely right! We have morals, it’s just that some of us aren’t so fortunate to have a perfect example to follow. I don’t know for sure about them, but I most certainly had to learn from my own experience. I’m glad that @xshortiex asked us so that she could hopefully not have to learn the hard way.

Your friends SHOULD be embarrassed for NOT being virgins at your age. I think a certain amount of maturity and self-esteem is important for sex that most 16-year-olds don’t have. I waited until college to have sex, and that was with someone I trusted and had been with for a while.

I know the feeling that it seems like everyone’s doing it, but trust me that once you’re older you’ll be glad you waited.

My husband and I were talking about this very question over lunch today. He lost his virginity in college (not to me) and thought he’d never, ever get another girl to like him ever again, so he proposed and married her straightaway. It ended up being a horrible match, causing him years of grief and being still in debt because of her spending (even now, in his late 40s).

We thought, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could take just one tenth of the wisdom that someone has in, say, their 30s and inject it directly into their own brain at the age of 16?” We agreed that this would be awesome. But then, after thought, realized that it was years of f’cking up that gives us this wisdom later.

Because so many of us lose our virginity to losers, or have it be singularly unspectacular, is how we know the things we are saying to you. Because we wish we had waited for someone nice, or at least someone who cared, or that we hadn’t done it hastily, we know these things to tell you. However, you won’t know it first-hand until it happens to you! :) We can only give you so much of our experience as wisdom, and secondhand at best. It’s only by losing it yourself that you will know what it’s like, though. We just don’t want you to mess up in some horrible, irrevocable way.

@laureth – Wow, GA. Very well said.

My dear sweet @xshortiex:

You have nothing to be ashamed of.
There is nothing wrong with you!
Life is not passing you by because you have not allowed some over eager boy to penetrate you.
The peer pressure comes from guys who want what they want and from girls who want to feel better about getting sexually active so early.

Enjoy your friendships with girls and guys. Make sure you get all the information about sex and reproduction and dating from reliable sources, not kids at school.

You and you alone will decide when you want to kiss or get intimate in any number of ways with guys you like and respect and who like and respect you.

If you are still unkissed at age 25, maybe you will need to evaluate why that is, if you are at all unclear about things then.

Enjoy your life and don’t let any friends pressure you into doing anything before you are ready and comfortable with it.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. No, No, No 500,000 times no. 20,000 larvae to you! YOU have NOT ONE THING to be ashamed of. My hat is off to you. You do not and should not be defined by if you were some band geeks or captain of the football team’s conquest or belt notch.

Your virginity is the most priceless attribute you have. One you give it away you can’t take it back and you CANNOT replace it no matter what. The person you give it to should be special enough and think you special enough that all he can think is your face growing old with him over the years. Just because you have not been boinked by some guy you will not even be with 24 months from now doe not make you less of a person or some freak. You can walk through a valley of 5,000 skunk smelling people and be the only one not stinking, they can say they smell great and you smell but the nose won’t lie. Just because most of the girls you know want to toss away their gift don’t mean keeping it longer is wrong. Do NOT feel bad about it.

And when you get that guy he will be the masterpiece of guys. Not a quick sketch. The time you spend waiting on the right guy will more than pay for itself in the end. Stay strong and do not be played that to be boinked is to be greater.