When do you think it's been long enough to finally get married?

The logical time to get married is when you meet someone you want to spend your life with.

When you and your partner are ready to make that commitment, and not on any other timetable.

I don’t think this question can be answered logically. It’s an emotional decision. I am a really logical person, but if I decide I want to marry someone I will probably plan the wedding for whenever is the most convenient time in the year or so after deciding I want to marry the person. Who cares if the “finances are worked out” or if you’re in school? If you really want to get married, you’ll do it despite any adversity you face in doing so. Kind of like how you’ll remain married “in sickness and health” etc.

I’m not the type of person who thinks you HAVE to get married. I think two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together can do so without signing a piece of paper. I will however be getting married simply because it would please both his parents and mine but it really would make no difference to me if it happened or not. I love him and that’s all that really matters.

I don’t think there’s a time period. It’s mostly emotional. But these are some markers I think people should look for:

*When you’ve been together long enough to get in fights and realize that while you can live without the person, you’re happier with the person.

*When you can talk completely openly and honestly about your finances, your hopes for the future, how/if you want to raise a family, etc and your visions and ideas are on the same page.

*When you’ve gone without sex for extended periods (sickness, being exhausted long-term, etc) and realize that you still really like the person for who they are. Lust can fade very quickly.

*When you’ve seen them gain/lose weight, have a terrible haircut, break out horribly, etc and still think they’re just amazing. And vice versa.

* When you’ve dated around enough to know that this one is right.

*When those cute little habits become annoying but you’re still super into the person.

* When you’ve been through hard times- loss of job, deaths in your close circle, etc and truly appreciated the support of the person.

You’re ready to get married when you are able to support yourself financially, and are able to think about another person’s needs in the same manner as you think about your own. “Able to support yourself” does not mean buy a house. It means you can manage money responsibly.

1. When her dad brings out the shotgun
2. When a bundle of joy is born
3. When tax season approaches
4. When you both get fed up with hearing your family and friends ask
5. When his/her student visa is about to expire
6. When you both love each other so much you can’t bear to be apart

@fireinthepriory I was having a harder time looking at it logically as well. I’m usually a logical person and I’m in a relationship and ever since the beginning I felt like he was the one (even through the bad times) but it feels foreign to not be consulting my logical side about it. Thanks for the input!
@kheredia I feel the same way. I’m extremely hesitant over marriage due to my own parent’s divorce and don’t feel the need to have the love proved with legal documents, but at the same time the symbol of it is beautiful to me.
@Austinlad Haha, those are some great reasons.

I personally believe the right time is when these two conditions are met:
-First, you love the person and they love you unconditionally
-And secondly, you are both financially set, with jobs and you both have a home you share

Of course, these conditions can both be met and the couple is not married, but they act like a married couple anyway. It is probably in their best interest to get married still. Plus, why would you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend all your lives? Wouldn’t it be nice to say “my husband” or “my wife”? ;) Plus, marriage can strengthen the relationship and bring the couple and their families closer together. Some couples may postpone marriage because marriage can be expensive, or because they are both, or one is, schooling.

Also, men have a harder time thinking about marriage. I think it may because they don’t think about it the way we do…. but with time and the right conversations, they can soon come to their senses! Haha.

I think it’s when you have the money to first be financially independent yourself, which means you can then be responsible enough to care for another person. Basically, it comes down to being able to afford being married.

Well, the rule is.. If it dosn’t feel right it probably isn’t. In my case, i felt horrible about the entire thing up until the moment when myself and my ex wife went to the courthouse to do the deed… so to speak. The day after was like I just come down from a drunken stupor. I didn’t listen to my gut instinct and I ended up getting divorced in a year. Also, it matters when you actually like the person you are with. I know the next time i get married it will be romantic and I will be ready :-)

First of all the relationship should have taken a perfectly natural progression. If there has been a lot of ups and downs, feelings of not sure he/she is the right one, some habits that really turn you off, don’t marry that person. Generally I think at least 2 years dating (this can be including engagement) is a minimum before getting married.

Before getting married you should know each others finances and financial goals.

Discuss big topics like if you want children, how you both feel about abortion if something goes wrong in a pregnancy (this happens more often than you think) basics about how you want to raise your children including how strict you are, religion, will you want to pay for private school, college, and more.

Also, talk about how work will be divided. My husband and I agreed that no one should have to work more hours than the other (this is total work, work at a job away from home and chores combined). So when we both worked full time we both did chores at home, and sometimes got a maid when it was overwhelming. When I work part-time he gives up the majority of his chores, and I do almost everything around the house. I have gone from full time, to part time, and then back to full, and my husband always immediately adjust how much work he does depending on how many hours I work. It has worked very well and feels fair.

Lastly, don’t get married before you have finished school and been out on your own for at least a year.

@JLeslie Good point about having time to be on your own!

There are two separate issues for you to consider.

Do you each have a strong enough commitment to each other to stay together for ever no matter what. I thought myself really intelligent and mature when I chose to marry and I assumed the woman I married has too. It turned out to be true for my fourth wife and I.

I dated my first for five years before we married. A year later, she ran off with someone from work who subsequently dumped her. The second and I were married for 17 years and we had 3 children when she discovered she was a lesbian. The third was a five year marriage that ended when she could not bear to be away from her native California. Eight months after our amicable divorce she came back to where we had been living

The length of time your are together is not a reason to get married.

The second major issue has to do with whether each of you is settled enough in you own life to be educated, self-supporting and having experienced enough life on your own to be ready to settle down with each other without feeling like you missed out on too many things after you have been married for a while.

If you are not quite ready or not really sure, just live together, keeping your finances separate and enjoy all the benefits. Just don’t “accidentally” get pregnant. There is no excuse for that.

By the way, I finally found someone who truly loves me for me and whom I love as truly.
I’d give up a limb or an organ to save her live or to protect her from harm and she’s do the same for me. How do I know? You just know when such a thing is true.

My only regret is that we were not ready for each other 30 years ago.

I wish you the very best in life and I hope you make good choices that work out for both of you!.

By the way, I love beig married. It is worth it to find the right person, there is something wonderful about spending every day with your best friend. Someone you trust, respect and enjoy.

Many people have talked about being stable financially. For me if you are young and just starting out, all this means is no credit card debt, bills that are easily paid, and still saving some money. Your jobs don’t need to be perfect, all you need is to know you both have a strong work ethic, are willing to do whatever it takes, and have similar financial goals. It’s fine to start in a small apartment with the car your parents bought you for college, don’t expect to have what 40 year old people have, you are just starting out. The point is to be responsible in your decisions.

A huge pool of crude oil has just been discovered off the coast of South America. i wonder which country has the rights to it?

@john65pennington huh?

when you both feel you want to spend the rest of your lives together

Age old question. I waited. A long time. I didn’t want to be part of the divorce statistics. I figured the older I was, the more mature I would be, and the better my odds. I wanted to be sure. I saw too many married friends and co-workers not making it. It was not a decision I ever wanted to make based on emotions alone, because like you I tend to think logically about stuff, sometimes to a fault.

So I did everything “by the book.” We dated a couple of years. In our situation we were blending two families, and everyone got along great. I met and liked his family, and became close friends with his Dad. We loved each other so much. We envisioned spending the rest of our lives together, and couldn’t imagine life without one another in it.

For many reasons I cannot go into, the marriage failed. Almost right from the start. And I found myself fighting for its survival harder than I’ve ever fought for anything before. In the end, it was not enough.

What I learned is that you cannot underestimate the importance of things like emotional intimacy, communication, your love languages, and how well you compliment each other’s personalities, ambitions, strengths and weaknesses.

Just like everything else in life, there are no guarantees. The timing of when is the million dollar question. Being certain of your partner’s integrity and perseverance will go a long way in determining the confidence level of such a decision. You don’t want to overthink things of course. In the end all you can do is give it all you’ve got, and love hard.

Afterall, nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy.