Are failing relationships repairable?

OK, you have a lot of questions all mushed up together in here.

1. Yes, you can repair your relationships.

2. You go to the people in question, and you tell them that you were confused and you were trying to push them away, even though you didn’t really want to. You tell them now that you have nearly lost them, you realize how much they matter to you, and you want to do whatever it takes so that you don’t lose them.

3. How do you stop thinking badly of yourself and change. You would really benefit from therapy. If for some reason you can’t or don’t want to do therapy, get the book Self Parenting. It can help you get in touch with your inner dialogue and change it.

Ahh.. to be 17 and confused, enjoy it while it lasts

Appreciate the people around you and the people that are willing to share their lives with you. Becoming emotionless, losing your self worth, and trying to be an island is no way to live life.

Cheer up kiddo.

@DancingMind It sounds to me like you blame yourself for other’s pain and you feel inadequate in relationships and feel you are not worthy of love. You desperately want to change but don’t know how to go about it.

There is nothing you have done that can’t be fixed up.
First you must start with yourself.

You are most likely depressed and you carry faulty beliefs and attitudes that help keep you that way. The good news is that is easy to change, with help from someone trained to help you do so. This probably can be achieved without medication but if some is required, do give it a try.

You need a trained clinician like a psychologist, psychiatric social worker, or a psychiatrist.
Talk to your school counsellor first and see if there is a way for you to access that kind of help at little or no cost.

I can’t offer treatment over the internet and no responsible clinician would do so.
Therapy might take from a few weeks to a few months, meeting for an hour, once a week.
It will change your life for the better. Talk to your family to see if they can help you access the help you need. Keep us informed with your progress. I can recommend some books for you to read to get you started. Let me know if you want this information.

To be honest with you, you need the assistance of a psychologist in this area. for you not wanting people to like you is not normal. no doctor here, just attempting to send you in the right direction, where help is waiting.

Oh @DancingMind. How well I know this pattern. What worked for me—or maybe I should say “is working” since it’s very much a work in progress—seems to have to do with understanding what is going on. I’ve been doing that in many ways—therapy, discussions with friends and fluther, and reading books about people like us.

It took a long time (two years or more), but at least now I don’t fly off the handle if someone praises me. But that’s easy. The really hard part was admitting to myself that it was ok to think of myself in a positive way.

I think there is a certain comfort in identifying myself as psychologically disadvantaged. It means that I don’t have to expect to be happy, and then get disappointed when I’m not. I just stay down.

What’s changed is that I now am letting myself expect to be happy. Right now, it’s just in this moment that I can accept it. I don’t want to think about tomorrow. Right now is all I can handle, or else I think I’ll fuck it all up.

As to changing your life—the answer is that it is not too late to do so. The amazing thing is how forgiving people are. I don’t know if they understand, but they often do forgive.

You can change your life, and reach out to friends. Like @Dr_Lawrence and @john65pennington said, a therapist will be really helpful.

One thing you should know is that these kinds of problems are more common amongst really smart people—especially those who are particularly introspective. You can create extra problems for yourself, but you can also figure it out more quickly. Never, never, never blame yourself or your brain for your problems. You are not choosing this. It may feel that way, but it isn’t so. No one chooses to be unhappy. It just happens and then we feel like we’ve done it.

I have absolute faith that you will find a way to turn this around.

If I have any advice to tell you, it’s that you should live your life to the fullest. Getting attention is a great thing! People reaching out to you means that they care about you. You should have people care about you, you shouldn’t push away the ones who like you the most. It feels good to have people there for you, you shouldn’t be feeling like you’re getting undeserved attention, in fact I think you should be getting attention. Not deserving attention is when people are stuck up, bratty, care TOO MUCH about themselves, and don’t respect or are thankful for anything. Sound to me like you need to care about yourself. You’re 17, you’ve got a whole life ahead of you so live it the right way. Live it to the fullest. And one of you biggest challenges is getting over this. It’s a stage, you’re 17, I know, but you need to let people in. You have to believe that people are there for you, you have to let them in. That’s the first step. And yes, if you wish, therapists are pretty good at things like this.

You’re just a teenager!! You need to grow a little more to realise your full potential as an adult!! Don’t cut yourself short just yet!! You’ve a lot of living to do before you blossom, patients is a virtue, face your emotional battles & grow, become you, become who you are really meant to be, it just take s a little time that’s all!!! ;-) just be patient!!!

Yes it is possible to repair a relationship even if it is failing at the time. You just got to figure out what the problem is to fix it

Yes, it’s almost always possible to repair relationships, provided the hurt feelings don’t go too deep. The most common problem is that people wait too long to seek outside help and the hurts are too grievous to overcome. Everyone “deserves” to be loved and cherished, regardless of what they have done or failed to do, but there is always a price to be paid. I strongly recommend you seek two sorts of help: 1. counselling at a personal level to help you sort out your feelings, and 2. family ( or group ) counseling to help you gain some social skills. Getting help is just that… getting some help. It does not mean you have failed. If you had a plumbing problem where you live, it would make sense to get some help from a plumber. If you had a termite problem where you live, it would make sense to get some help from an exterminator. Relationships are far more important than plumbing or termites, so seeking help from a counselor(s) only makes good sense. Don’t wait until things are desperate… do it NOW!

People who love you may have not given up on you but just given in. There is a difference. They just don’t know what you need to make you happy.
Maybe if you concentrate a little on their needs and show them that you are willing to honestly make some changes in your behavior towards them, then I’m sure they will be willing to try again. However they may feel that they are enabling you and won’t come around until they feel you are really making a valiant attempt to change.
Now if its a matter that you are depressed, than do seek counseling, either from a professional, or a parent.

your being very vague. im not understanding why the people in your life would be diapointed in a 17 year old. if your causing your self some kind of harm then they would just get your some help wiether you want it or not. if your living a reckless lifestyle then i could see how they would give up on you, i really don’t understand whats going on, i think your probably seeing things about “you” that you don’t like, but anyday you wake up alive is a damn good day. Don’t be the kind of person that doesn’t appreciate thier life. if you have some bad habbits then fix them. if you have some flaws in your appearance then embrace them. there is only one you, and for that reason alone, you are very important to this world.

I have been in communication with @DancingMind several times tis evening and I feel comfortable that she will be able to discuss her needs with her parents with the extensive technical and specific information I was able to provide and I believe she will be able to smooth things over with her friends at school while she deals with any personal issues with which she may need to contend.

She will keep me apprised of her progress.

To all of you who have been thoughtful and considerate in expressing your concern for her, I offer you my admiration and respect. It is an honour to be part of this community.
Some of your answers were great!

To be 17 again. With such problems. :-)

You couldn’t PAY me enough to be 17 again and go through all that crap! Heh!

@CaptainHarley No kidding.

@Pandora

No kidding! At 17 I thought I knew everything but knew next to nothing. To truly understand life and your place in it, you have to have a variety of real life experiences and get knocked on your azz a few times. : )

Yeah, I’m thinking that’s probably a hard thing to do while…falling. Yeps, Be Good.