What do you think about thank you cards?

I was taught that they were a social necessity. The last time we did the major effort was on our honeymoon. Many people had the kindness to give us expensive gifts and we felt that it was right and proper to thank them formally. The Barbados stamp on the envelopes was a nice touch also.

I think they are a very gracious and incumbent gesture when formal gifts are given and I really enjoy and appreciate getting them. When the gift is informal or opened when I am there, of course I do not expect to get them.

I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t need a thank you note, but it is nice to get one. If a gift is thoughtfully given, then a thoughtful reply is required. If you don’t open the present in someone’s presence and get to say thank you, then send a card. Does it really take that long? Besides, it encourages contact with someone you might otherwise not see very often.

I think they are overlooked. I love thank you notes/cards, it shows this person took a moment to show s/he appreciated it. ^_^

My grandmother will call me to this day and comment on it if I have not sent her a thank you note for a gift. She’s never been shy about teaching her kids and grandkids to observe the social niceties.

I disagree. I think an acknowledgement of a gift is important, unless you don’t care about the people at your wedding (or whatever event). I know people who have been very hurt by not getting a thank you card. Also, assuming you invited these people, you should have their address. What I find abhorrent is the idea someone would invite people they didn’t care about, just to get another gift.

I am with you all the way. I hate thank you cards. It’s a slap in the face to open my mailbox and find a letter for me only to discover that it is a thank you card. It’s like saying, “I care enough about you to invite you to my special event but not enough to actaully put some effort in.” The only reason people write them is because it is a social necessity. I would much rather have someone call me on the phone to thank me or write a whole nice letter with a thank you in the body of the text.

I’m sure a lot of people are going to tell me that it would be too much work for someone to call every single person who gave them a gift or write out full letters for everyone who gave them a gift but I’m going to beat you to the punch. I don’t expect any kind of formal thank you. If I go to a wedding and someone thanks me for coming, that’s enough for me! I think thank you cards change a nice, selfless gesture the giving of a gift into a tedious competition. What happens if you don’t write out a thank you card and instead thanked the person right when you received the gift or went to the event? Well, damn, you’re rude. No, in truth, you are not rude. you are thanking someone in the proper way, to their face so they can see how genuinely you enjoy their gift.

We definitely have a gen gap thing here. I was taught always to write thank you notes and not only do I enjoy writing (not emailing) them, I know my
friends appreciate and enjoy receiving them. I know I do. It’s
a dying art, but it IS an art and a fine social convention. I’m sad that you feel this way.

So much of mail is really junk now, that it is a pleasure to get something handwritten, even a “note.”

NOT write a thank you note to someone who gave you something or took the time to do for you??? !!! Oh my, my friend, you need to read most of the comments above and rethink your position on this. I mean, seriously.

Growing up, I didn’t even know what a thank you card was. No one in my family sent them, and my parents never even brought the subject up. I’m willing to bet my grandma nagged my parents about it but gave up, since she now reminds me that she expects thank you notes from my children.

When I got married, I was rudely thrust into the world of the thank you note. My husband’s family places a lot of importance on things like that. Getting the thank you notes out after a big event, like our wedding or baby shower, was a pain. Since then, however, it hasn’t been that bad. I feel very guilty if I don’t send a thank you note, and there have been times I’ve just never gotten around to it. I do think it’s important, and expect my kids to be involved in writing the thank you notes when they have a birthday or after Christmas. My daughter is old enough to write her own notes, and the boys sit down to sign their names to notes I write for them.

The thank you note craze among my in-laws is extreme enough that I almost asked a question on Fluther about the way I wrote thank yous after Christmas. I typed thank you letters on cute paper and had all of the kids sign them. I felt bad they weren’t hand-written!

However, if I don’t get a thank you note from someone I don’t really mind. I’ve slacked off enough to not be able to hold other people to that kind of standard. I know for a fact there are people in my husband’s family who only buy small, inexpensive gifts for some of the kids in the family because they never send thank you notes. They get mad when the nicer gifts are never acknowledged, even if the child (or parent of the child) says thank you when they first open the gift.

If you can get with every person who sent you a wedding gift from far away, look into their eyes and let them know how much it meant to you, that’s ideal. Sometimes this isn’t practical. A written thank-you is an attempt to convey that personal message.
A note that just has a printed “thank you” on it doesn’t do the job of making contact. Thus a short letter would probably serve the purpose better than a card.
It’s all about the delight of being treated thoughtfully – in both directions.
Am I pompous or WHAT?

wow, I did not expect these responses. I guess If I’m the only one who hates em, I just suck it up and deal with it lol.

Good for you, jake. I’m looking into your virtual eyes and thanking you for your openness.

And I’ll send you a note!

Why would you not show appreciation for thoughtfulness? Life is not exactly overflowing with it. I’m appreciative of what people add to my life.

If I have gone to the time, expense and effort to send a gift to my cousin who lives in Nebraska, the least she could do is send a thank you note – and she did. I can’t believe you expect her to call every single person who sent her a gift. That doesn’t make any sense to me.

@PandoraBoxx: Why is a thank you card the only show of appreciation? Do you put any thought into thank you cards you write? Do you write a letter and detail how you will use the gift and why it’s so great and why you’re so happy that they thought of it especially for you? If you do, good on ya. I would appreciate thank you cards like that.

@YARNLADY: Maybe if the only reason you send your cousin a gift is to get a thank you card, you shouldn’t be sending her gifts at all. When I give someone a gift, I do it because I want to make them a little happier, not because I want them appreciate me more.

Here’s the thing about writing a thank you card: what you say is important, but more important is that you took the time to write it down, just as the other person took the time to buy you a gift or do you a good deed or whatever. Time is our most precious commodity (you’ll realize that as you get older), and expending some of yours with someone else is one of the greatest things you can do in your life.

The problem with not doing cards for a big event is that people won’t always remember who gave them what to thank them when you see them. And for wedding gifts, chances are you won’t see your great-aunt Doris before Thanksgiving, and you probably want to show your appreciation before then.

I’m always sending thank-yous. For gifts, but also if someone has made a nice gesture. Not only is it an obligation, but I enjoy it. I don’t expect them, but it’s always a nice surprise, even if it’s just a quick email or even text message. A sincere “thank you” makes my day. I disagree that it’s simply a “social necessity.”

@KatawaGrey : I’m not really sure what you mean. What do you expect for being invited to someone’s, say, wedding? A gift? If you go to someone’s wedding, it’s usually because you want to help the happy couple start their lives together. This usually entails showing up and celebrating with food and booze (on their dime) and bringing a gift. If you don’t want to do this, then don’t go. It’s not about the guest/gifter, it’s about the couple. Or the birthday boy, or the graduate, or whatever the celebration is. It’s not realistic to expect a page-long letter for each guest.

@ubersiren: When I’m invited to someone’s wedding, I’m just thrilled to be a part of their special day. I don’t want a thank you card. I shouldn’t expect anything at all. You’re absolutely right, this day is about them. I think you misunderstood my comments. I think people expecting a thank you card for a gift is selfish. Why isn’t a thank you in person “Thank you so much for coming to our wedding,” good enough? Why do people who give gifts expect some kind of accolade in return? It’s a gift, it should be obligation free.

Also, for the record, I’d be happy with a quick text or e-mail but according to the majority of the people who answered the question, these gestures just aren’t good enough.

@KatawaGrey, I would say that 95% of the things that I write thank you notes for are not for material things. (People don’t buy me things; I’m in my 50s.) I write thank you notes for people at work showing promptness and courteousness on a consistent basis, for people being humorous and thoughtful when I’m having a bad day, to my newspaper carrier for never failing to miss the front porch, to the program manager at my favorite radio station for the 5:30 programming (stellar) to the barista who is extremely pleasant every morning. These are gifts to me, and I am extremely appreciative.

But, yes, when people do give me things, I write detailed thank you notes. When I go to a wedding, I do expect a thank you note. I always have the gift sent, and never take it to the reception. I tend to buy off the bridal registry. If I spend $200 for a Le Creuset dutch oven or a place setting of china, that merits a thank you note. Generosity deserves acknowledgement.

Thanking people for coming to your wedding is not the same as thanking them for a gift.

@KatawaGrey I see your point, but how would I even know she received it?

@KatawaGrey But you said when you’re expecting a letter and only get a thank-you card it’s like a “slap in the face.” And I don’t think a written card is necessary and even said so in my response. But a simple thank you, even verbally or by email or text is necessary for several reasons. One being to tell the person you received the item. Another is to tell the person you don’t have a problem with the item (giving the person to correct the gift). Not only is it considerate and personal to write a thank you, but it’s easier for the person receiving lots of gifts to keep track of everyone they’ve thanked by making a list and writing them all at once. It helps so you don’t forget to thank someone, especially if you’ve been recently gifted a lot, say for a wedding or baby shower.

I say there should be a few options here: At a wedding or other such party, if the honorees don’t want to do thank yous, make an announcement. It could say something like, “the bride and groom won’t be sending individual thank yous, but want to convey their sincere gratitude for all the gifts.” On the other side of the same coin, if a person giving a gift just hates getting thank yous for one reason or another, include a note with the gift saying so. Something like, “Please contact me if there’s a problem, but I would prefer if you didn’t send a written thank you card, because it’s like a slap in the face,” or whatever.

@PandoraBoxx: All right, you write detailed thank you notes. People rarely do though. How many times have you received a thank you note that was more than a few lines long?

@ubersiren: Have you been reading my responses at all? I agree with you! I don’t like thank you cards because they are rarely personal or have any effort put in at all. I think a text or an e-mail or a phone call or a thank you in person should be good enough but it often is not. I remember being so confused when I was younger when my mom would make me write thank you cards when I had thanked the person who gave me a gift in person usually when receiving the gift or on the phone but I would still have to write a thank you card. Go back and read my responses again. When I get a thank you card in the mail, it feels like a slap in the face because here I am expecting a letter from a friend having nothing to do with sending a gift, as I said, I expect no accolade when I have given someone a gift only to find a card with a few lines of text that I know have been written in a hundred other cards.

@YARNLADY: What if she included a thank you in the next e-mail she sends you?

@KatawaGrey To my way of thinking, e-mail cards are the same as snail mail cards. I love getting them.

@YARNLADY: perfect! What about fluther comments? :)

@KatawaGrey I usually like getting fluther comments, but they are essentially anonymous, so not quite the same.