In the past, what have you done that has really screwed up your relationships?

Are you only talking about romantic relationships? Or, relationships with friends and family also?

I haven’t. They have. I left them. All of them. Except for one, who left me – she wasn’t okay with what she initially was okay with.

Created reasons for getting jealous. It was ridiculous. I’m embarrassed to even think about it. That was a good learning experience though. I’m much the opposite now. Yay.

@JLeslie I was referring to romantic relationships, but it could be applied to friends and family as well. I’d be interested in hearing about those experiences.

One big mistake I have learned out of all of them is to never make life changing decisions based on infatuation. Whether it’s marriage, not using a condom, spending large amounts of money on someone etc etc. It’ll F * C K…..you….up.

I married the girl/s. What an idiot I was.

Listened to other people. My brother and friend convinced me that I wasn’t in love with someone, and i believed them.

Too much distrust/too few questions. An odd combination.

I needed too much. I had unrealistic expectations and I smothered my lovers, emotionally speaking. But that all comes, oddly enough, from not knowing how to love myself very well. Still, I haven’t done all that badly despite those issues.

Well, although past relationships were ultimately doomed from the beginning from obvious compatibility problems I had a habit of shutting down and wouldn’t relay my concerns with my partners at the time. I would let things fester until all out war occurs. Just from thinking about them know I know the same result would of happened anyway but I know that it is best to always talk about what is concerning you or problems that might be happening. I know now to tell my girlfriend everything about how I feel so there is no questions about my motives or my emotional state at the time.

For the first 38 years of my life I actively avoided all relationships. Now I’m back in that same pattern.

I’ve only had one romantic relationship before, and I learned so much from it. I realized that I didn’t know what I wanted in a partner yet, therefore ignored all the bad signs that were flying around me. Mostly, I learned what not to do my next time around. Notice the red flags that say this person is no good. I gave and continued to keep giving thinking it would make our relationship better. Needless to say, it made him happier but made me feel worse. It took me forever to finally listen to the voice in my head that said, “Get out.”

Not only did I learn about not giving too much too soon, I learned things about myself. My little quirks, pet peeves, and what I need to work on myself on. It’s all been exhausting, loving someone and trying to move on from it. I am still trying. I agree with @Blackberry, infatuation can be a killer.

I was selfish and grasping. Demanding. I thought I had to have everything. I thought I had to drive the other person as hard as I was driving myself. I feel bad about it. I’m not that way anymore, at all.

Lied, cheated and stayed in for longer than I should have.

@jeanna_ Cheating sucks. The only time it was ever worth it was in my last “real” relationship. The chick was a slut and a waste of time. But now she lives with me ( she’s dating my roommate….) The other times, I wish I could go back, break my own jaw and ask wtf I was thinking.

Man would a time machine do wonderful things for my life. XD

@Shield_of_Achilles Yeah. I haven’t cheated in a very long time; this last relationship I had I devoted myself to entirely. Perhaps too much so… I think I smothered it…tried to force a person to be as committed as me and he was just too young, too inexperienced and just not ready for it. Oh well.

I got married.

I would date any man who’d have me and turn into a pleaser. I wasn’t desperate, just of the opinion that I deserved no better than whoever approached me, and if you have low self-worth, guess what sort of man approaches you? Yeah, the ones with mega-issues. Two people with mega-issues are not going to have a caring relationship.

Many people I knew during those relationships had the sense to know that these dudes were bad news and would constantly ask me, “Why are you dating that guy?” OK, what they actually said was “jerk,” “loser”, “asshole”, “immature momma’s boy”, “selfish bastard”...

@aprilsimnel Not always. You could get the shmuck like me who tried to fix things and be the one to help you out of a hole. But then you realize what a loser he is and use the anger you have toward him to better your life. =p

Relationships in general: I am terrible at staying in touch. I don’t call, I don’t write, and I don’t visit often.

Went on a blind date, that screwed it up before it even got started.
She turned out to be a sociopath. who new!
well me actually, but not untill after she’d messed with my head big time!

One time we pulled into a garage to get some petrol, she said “get me a can of coke”, so I said “I tell you what, I’ll put the petrol in, you can go an pay, an while your at it, get yourself a can of coke”, so she said “no”, so I said ” well you don’t get the can of coke then!”, so she said “get me a can of coke or we’re finished!” so I said “SEE YA!”

Guess what dickhead went back to her!...............

That was a very long and painfull learning curve.

Married him and then he cheated after 25 years of marriage. He was the one who screwed up the relationship.

@Pazza Why wouldn’t you just grab a can when you went to pay for gas? (Or petrol for the comrades across the pond)

Being defensive when confronted by an in-law has caused a rift in my relationship with them.

Oh, and trying to help my in-laws with advice. Seems I am perceived as a know-it-all and medaling.

Been myself.

My gf’s sister and mom.

I’ve been paranoid and untrusting because of things that happened in previous relationships. Which isn’t fair to the current SO

I believed he would change and become family oriented and more concerned about me after 6 years no matter how many times he didnt. I wanted him to change, when obviously he didn’t want to. (He shouldnt have told me he would…but still.) I shouldve just left. It takes two to have pointless arguments despite his lying. I kept staying. I kept myself in denial. I continued the relationship just as much as he did.

I never hit any of them. Short of that I did pretty much everything, including their sisters and best friends.

Oh, no, @Shield_of_Achilles, no. Never went out with your sort, so let me amend my earlier statement. I wouldn’t date any man who’d have me, just the ones who weren’t doing anything with their lives, who had nasty tempers, threw things and punched walls, and who blamed the world (and eventually me) for their failures. I screwed up by never telling these dudes the truth of how I felt, nor did I stop myself from dating them in the first place. I felt obligated to go out with them and try to fix them when I would have been better served by dealing with my own issues.

I would accept the advances of men who scared me and had me feeling sad and uncomfortable, because that felt normal. That’s what I was used to from my past. Ironically, I knew exactly who the good guys were. Occasionally, a nice fellow would chat me up, and I’d run away. I thought if I were to date any decent man I actually liked as a person, that man would “discover” straight off that I was “trash” and reject me in some humiliating way, as any decent person should do, of course, because I thought I was trash.

I honestly thought that it would be like some 5th rate soap opera with the big Friday, 30-seconds-before-the-end-credits reveal: “You never told me you were born a bastard to crazy poor people! I can’t have a relationship with you; you’ll ruin my reputation!” That sort of horseshit. I didn’t realize then that no one belongs on a pedestal, not even the good guys, and that I was doing myself a disservice by assuming that I should put anyone above me.

In essence, folks, hating yourself will lead to any and all sorts of self and relationship sabotage. Do your best to love yourself, no matter what it takes, and everything else will fall into place.