Is having a fluther crush a waste of time?

Do you bean?

Had quite a few growing up.
They never worked out.

Something about not being able to hug/cuddle is kinda a killer to me.

I don’t know if these things can work out. I guess it would be nice if two people met on here and just found an amazing connection, where they just knew, just knew they had to be together, but an ocean was keeping them apart. They could always swim and meet in the middle.

@Shield_of_Achilles This is true lol

I wouldn’t call it a “waste of time” but I’d say the chances of something happening may be slim, concerning how far away you two could be from each other. There was a boy from the UK (I lived in the US) who had a crush on me, he was very sweet and would even send me tapes of songs he wrote. I felt kind of weirded out by the whole thing eventually and stopped contacting him. I was kind of mean about it, I feel bad but I didn’t know what to say to him at the time. He is now happily married to someone IRL. :) Either way, Steve A… it’s nice to have someone to talk to that you find interesting. It doesn’t mean that you have to make it more than that.

If you both want it to work and you’re willing to compromise, trust, be honest and make every attempt to make it work, then it can happen. It happens with people every day….

It’s not for me, but who knows.

@Shield_of_Achilles That is a killer to me too, sometimes it would just be nice to let fantasies come into play. Someone sat a desk, knock on the door, take me on the table, ahhhh.

I don’t think an elevator would be a good location for a party of jellies no. Maybe the foyer~

It’s a waste of time.

I’ve tried going down this road twice. It’s a doomed path, unless you are of the age which you have your own resources, independence, amenable living situation (for moving eventually; can’t be long distance forever) and substantial financial comfort (for travelling to visit).
It’s tough when you’re young, because you’re pretty much bound to where you live for a long time before you can live with or in proximity to your SO. It can be years. And you have to fill that time with interspersed, costly visits that you usually cannot afford. It’s definitely not easy.

However, if the couple is strongly, deeply, indubitably in love, then I’m sure they’ll find a way to get through it.

Yes good points, I mean if anything it is just a crush…..

@ucme I dono, I have been in some pretty big elevators with some bumpin systems before..

If you’re already here and plan on being here, you might as well have some fun. Just set your phaser to “simmer.”

@Shield_of_Achilles Yeah but the farting issue would be insurmountable.

who is she?

I still maintain that you can’t waste time, ever! If you want to do it—if it makes you feel good and if you aren’t hurting anyone—do it. Is it the best use of your time? Again, only you know that.

Does an online involvement keep you from meeting someone who could have been your life partner? There is no way of knowing. But you can say that about any event in your life. You went left instead of right, so you missed what was on the right. Except, since you went left, you can never know if there was anything on the right.

Does an online involvement keep you from doing other, more “constructive or productive” things? That is, I believe, a peculiarly American concern. It arises from this Puritan notion that we must be busy doing good work all the time. Well, I think a case can be made that establishing a relationship with someone you care about is a pretty good piece of good work. There is a fucking lot of sadness and loneliness in this world.

So, even if it were possible to waste time, I don’t think an online crush is a waste of time. There’s a lot to be learned there. There are serious feelings. There are relationship issues to work through. It’s not a waste of time no matter what standard you apply to it.

The waste of time aspect certainly applies to those who never truly commit. I mean, if you’re going to go down that path, then do it completely or don’t do it at all. You can’t continue to party, get drunk, fool around with the people around you and expect the person you have a crush on to just sit back, watch and forgive. I think some people go into long distance things when they’re lonely. I think they’re at a time in their lives where it feels like no one is there for them, so it becomes easy to turn to the internet and pour your heart out. But then you get the person and you realize it wasn’t what you wanted. You were just using them to fill that void. It’s never right to use another person to fill the void within you, in my opinion.

Love, in whatever aspect, is never a waste of time. If you feel it is, then you were probably never in love to begin with…

I did once have a long distance relationship. It was a bad idea, and a waste of time and money. But that was with a girl I was dating beforehand, nothing online.

@ucme Check and mate my good sir. Well played.

How did the elevator get involved? I missed something.

Enjoy it as a fantasy, but don’t expect more of it than you would of a crush on a character on TV. Having crushes is fine; confusing them with reality, not such a good idea.

the likeliness that it will work out is slim but that doesnt mean its impossible and cant happen. but if youre talking about just long distance relationships, i disagree that they cant work out. they certainly can. ive been in a successful one. granted it was only for 3 months but i still got a taste of it and if youre committed to one another and you have a goal set for when you’ll be together finally, it can totally work. though with something that starts off online and not in person, i have to think that would be a little harder to maintain..

I have several Fluther crushes. There’s nothing wrong with being a secret admirer.

Flirting with the other person is okay, but, try not to get too emotionally involved. If you don’t plan on ever seeing each other.

The not getting emotionally involved part can be hard, though.

I’ve got a few Fluther crushes myself.

@jmah Ah, you told.

@Jeruba You mean I really DON’T have a chance with Faye Valentine

Link work safe.. I’m not talking about the porn star

@janbb they know who they are. :)

It’s not necessarily a waste of time, but it’s very unlikely to go anywhere.

Also, I have seen it be very destructive for those that are already in committed relationships. I have a friend who’s girlfriend was having a purely cyber-relationship. She found out about it and it’s causing huge problems for them. I guess if it’s just innocent flirting it’s not a big deal, but this was more seriously sexual stuff over an extended period of time.

It can work out

I’ve been in 2 long distance relationships. One didn’t work out but it was great while it lasted. The other was only long distance for about 8 months with my fiancee.

It was my understanding that @Steve_A is not asking about long-distance relationships. He is asking about being attracted to a fellow flutherite. Those seem to me to be very different things: maintaining a real relationship though physical separation and being attracted to an online persona that may in reality be nothing like what you imagine.

@Steve_A Look for a PM….....

@Jeruba in that case there are many fluther ladies that I find very attractive… I don’t know if that qualifies as a crush. But that’s the extent of it.

@Dibley ; deserted island in the middle of the ocean, YES! jumps off california coast and swims in direction of dibley’s country with an island plotted in my path to meet lol- kidding!

“but that doesn’t mean its impossible and cant happen.”

So true. We can dream. Can’t we? ;-)

I think that tinyfaery and @Simone_De_Beauvoir are awesome. They already know that (that I have silly, little crushes on them). It’s all innocent and fun.

I think @Jeruba‘s points should be listened to carefully. If I might put my spin on them, I think it is important to realize that an online relationship is just that: an online relationship. It is not a real world relationship, and it is not a long distance relationship. It’s online.

It can generate powerful emotions. It can (and usually does) involve a lot of fantasy (making up the other person in your head). It can make you feel like you’ve got a friend or someone who loves you, or someone who really wants you.

These are strong feelings. However I don’t think they are totally analogous to real world feelings and relationships. They can jump that stream, but until they do, they are a different kind of thing. A valuable thing. A potentially problematic thing. A real thing in it’s own right, but a different thing from real world things. A meta-thing. A virtual thing.

@ChazMaz Ditto.

@ChazMaz oh we sure can chazzywazzy

I don’t believe so if it benefits you in some kind of way, whether it be for comfort, advice ect. it would definitely not be a waste of time.

I don’t think it’s a waste of time.

I have some Fluther crushes myself. However, the reality is that they likely will go nowhere, so I keep them to myself to avoid unnecessary embarrassment.

@MissAnthropre, and I have a wee crush on you, too, chica.

I don’t it hide it. ;-)

@MissAnthrope Oh, I don’t agree with that. Just talk to them. BE FRIENDLY. ;-) Nothing to be embarrassed with that.

@jmah – Awwwwwshucks. You made me blush. I guess now would be the time to admit I have one on you, too. Haha. :P

@jbfletcherfan – Oh, I do, I do.. that’s par for the course. Nothing wrong with talking and being friendly. But, you know, I’m not about to go around flaunting my crushes on people who, for whatever reason, are unavailable in reality. Um, except for my first sentence above, but she started it. :P

Sorry. I’m taken.

@MissAnthrope ;-)

@wundayatta much lurve :)

You can use your crush to hone up on your flirting skills.

My previous site, Windows Live QnA, had a couple that met through the site and eventually married. Your chances are slim, but these things can happen on the very rare occasion.

I met the man I am currently dating on a social (NOT dating) site. We clicked immediately, interacted on the site for a while, then moved it to chat then the phone and eventually platonic outings. Once it was established that our chemistry held up in person, the loose ends were cut off and we became an official couple.

Fortunately, our distance isn’t prohibitive – we are 90 miles apart. I personally would have difficulty with a travel distance exceeding 2 hours by car, but others will pursue relationships at greater distances, and eventually relocate in order to be together.

Good luck to you!

@hearkat What a success story. Good for you! :-)

@jbfletcherfan: —Thanks! It’s only been a month since we became official; but we travelled to Ft. Lauderdale too meet up with several others from that same site and I didn’t want to strangle him at any point… which is a good sign! Of course, time will tell, but I am hopeful.—-

A total waste of time unless it is on me, and that’s just because I’m easy.

@dpworkin LOLLLL…you silver-tongued devil, you. ;-)

@hearkat Yes, not wanting to strangle him IS a good sign. Let’s hope it lasts. He IS a man, after all. LOLLLLL

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities . . . awww . . . i’m blushing. . .

@Blondesjon I think he was referring to me :)

@jmah sure it’s all innocent. sure.

“That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.”

@Blondesjon, @chyna You’re both wrong, it’s Dr. J, but don’t tell. ;)

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities Awww, I’m crushed.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities I’m devestated as well :( That damn smooth jelly!

i’m, somehow, even more turned on.

@Blondesjon I think an eraser could turn you on :)

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities and here I thought….maybe…

Dr. J, huh?

Fine. I’ll take tinyfaery, Simone, MissAnthrope and toss in Facade and Allie.

Oh, yeaahh

@chyna @sjmc1989 @Blondesjon @jmah I said several, you only know of one. Tee hee.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities Yessss! You know I’m going to cyberstalk you now you do realize that right? :)

edit: Of course I’m kidding I don’t want to alarm anybody

No crush is a waste of time. Sometimes what starts out as an online crush can flourish to something much more. :) I wonder if fluther jellies have gotten married from meeting on here… i would love to hear some stories.

do i know this person? lol

I have about 3 fluther crushes, nothing better than a Fluther crush really. I mean how can you not like a jelly??

@IBERnineD jellies are pretty hot… i must say

@bean indeed!

@phil196662 I think the deserted island might be a place to start, to meet, to say hi. plus if they did get on, you could scream as loud as they liked!

Am Lovin’ @wundayatta‘s answer. – couldnt put it better!

@Steve_A come to australia first lol nothing can really happen over the internet… i’ll wait till you get the chance, after all, you’re my friend… I wanna see you in person :P
good luck!

but yeah, thats only a general idea of what she could be thinking…. :P lol

Hah I feel better then….but I do not want to make false promises to you if I don’t get to come over there. I would not want to do that to you…..

@Steve_A lol it’s ok…. we can keep contact over internet, and catch up via email, good luck with that work stuff!

@bean Yea…I guess…I really should not have an asked this question….dumb steve

@Steve_A why!?? It was a good question!!! you were curious so you had to ask, nothing wrong with that! .... your not dumb D: xoxo

Aw shucks!

that’s too cute.

@Steve_A there’s nothing wrong with this question. Believe me, there’s more relationships going on here than one realizes.

@jbfletcherfan I agree.

Totally @Dibley – on that warm sand doing the horizontal mamba she could sceam as loud as she wants while having multiple orgasms and not have to worry about the neighbors 2000 miles away!

It works for me…you just have to let it be what it is..especially if she’s a young flighty Southern girl..but cute as a button

@SeventhSense I’m hurt! Who is she?

She’s quite precocious and lovely in green. you wouldn’t know her

@SeventhSense Hmm she sounds pretty amazing :)

@sjmc1989
she’s pretty cool

You have something better to do with your time?

Not a waste of time but a total waste of time it is like standing outside the donut shop thinkinbg if you stare at the donuts long enough you will be able to taste them. Unless you have the means and ability to one day see this other Jelly face to face you are taking up time you could be using to meet someone you can see face to face and have a relationship with.

Considering many Jellies have met face to face I don’t see the time waste here. In fact 2 jellies are married (proposed on the site) and two more are going to be soon. The second couple actually met through fluther.

A crush is a crush. If it turns into something more you cross that bridge when you get there.

Crushes are fun, and silly. I myself have a Fluther crush (okay maybe more than one).

No matter what anyone says long distance relationships can work. It just takes a certain sense of maturity, patience, and devotion.

Anything is possible.