When does this become an argument?

If you’re in a debate, and one person makes a point the other cannot refute, but both parties continue to converse without making further progress, it’s an argument.

At first blood.

Hard to say…I have been known to calmly make my point while restraining my opponent…uh,I mean fellow conversationalist,oh!let’s just refer to that person as “I GIVE UP”!with a figure four leg lock ;)

In my book, when anger or insult enters the picture, it’s an argument.

This is a great question. I was shocked about a year ago when someone asked my husband and I if we argue a lot and at the same time I said no and he said yes. We define argument differently. He thinks it is any disagreement from what I can tell. For me something does not rise to the level of argument unless the two people cannot agree after much debate, that one or both people leave the conversation/argument without getting any satisfaction or understanding or maybe compromise.

When I argue or disagree I just want to be heard, and I want to understand the other persons position or perception to try to resolve things. I used to want to win but not so much anymore. Now, I am fine agreeing to disagree, and if it is something not very important to me, I will many times just give in.

I agree with @Harp that if insults, name calling, and just basic lack of respect enter the discussion it has risen to the level of argument at that point.

I’m in the camp with @JLeslie: I don’t consider it an argument if I’m trying to be heard and/or understood. I think that’s more positive than not speaking up or telling myself to not bother because whatever it is that bugs is probably “not that big a deal”. My partner might also answer similarly if asked if we argue a lot, I’d say no and he might say yes because he initially feels picked at even though my intent is get to a better place between us. He has said many times he appreciates a partner who talks to him and makes their needs known but since he doesn’t have much experience with it then his patience gets tried. This is where respect is important as people learn each other.

Yes almost on a daily basis as I am always right and some silly people think they know something I don’t already know. I just beat them with a spatula until they agree with everything I say. Crybabies!

@hungryhungryhortence My husband grew up in a family that was very oriented towards silent treatment, and voices were only raised or heated conversations only happened when things were really bad. So he associates conflict with dire situations. As we have been married for many years, he has become better at understanding that a disagreement is not the end, and I have done better to be cooler in my temper.

Interestingly, I read a book about cultural difference between different groups in America and it seems his family is text book. It was eye opening to me that book. It stated that spouses are very formal with each other, would never raise their voices. I had never thought of being formal with my spouse or a family member within my nuclear family. All of a sudden so much made sense to me. His mother and siblings many times go on and on about how great someone is that they never yell or always seem to be agreeable, or dwell on that an exhusband was always raising his voice. This makes you a good or bad person.

Some people just as stubborn as you could imagined. they like to force other to accept their statement,even if you have your own answer and it’s still controversial. The main point is that “There’s no absolute answer for everything in this world”. There could be more than one truth.

@Doctor_D So true. More than one truth. Both people can be correct even during a disagreement.

When it leaves the topic and starts getting personal, or when it descends into insults.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/argument

Main Entry: ar·gu·ment
Pronunciation: \ˈär-gyə-mənt\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin argumentum, from arguere
Date: 14th century

1 obsolete : an outward sign : indication
2 a : a reason given in proof or rebuttal b : discourse intended to persuade
3 a : the act or process of arguing : argumentation b : a coherent series of statements leading from a premise to a conclusion c : quarrel, disagreement
4 : an abstract or summary especially of a literary work <an argument preceded the poem>

debate
2 entries found.

1. 1debate (noun)
2. 2debate (verb)

Main Entry: 1de·bate
Pronunciation: \di-ˈbāt, dē-\
Function: noun
Date: 13th century

“A contention by words or arguments: as a : the formal discussion of a motion before a deliberative body according to the rules of parliamentary procedure b : a regulated discussion of a proposition between two matched sides.

The problem is that common use of a word changes the accepted meaning of a word. We associate the word “argument” with negative conflict, but the actual meaning of the word had no such implications.
Another case in point would be the use of slang terms. “Sick” is one that I keep hearing. “That is sick.” Obviously not the original meaning of the word, but acceptted by the users as having the meaning to which they attribute it.

When it’s with my heart and not my head.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir +GA That’s what I was trying to say, but you got it so much better.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land :)

Debate is a formal argument with rules.

Argument is an energetic discussion of differing ideas. It requires respect for each other even when you disagree and cannot resolve the matter.

Quarrelling is mean spirited argument where personal attacks are used to overpower each others ability to argue your points.

Fighting is what happens when a quarrel escalates out or control to where the issue at hand is abandoned in favour of trying to demolish your opponent and crush their humanity.

I do not see an argument as a bad thing. As long as the people involved respect the other’s rights to disagree and there are no personal attacks, it can be stimulating and educational.

I try to avoid quarrelling and so no value in fighting unless someone has seriously wronged me or someone I love.

How do you feel and what do you think about these distinctions?

@Dr_Lawrence I think of quarrelling as less heated than arguing. Quarrel and bicker I kind of use interchangeably, but I looked up quarrel and it seems your definition is probably more accurate.

@Dr_Lawrence I agree wholeheartedly with you. I think your definitions are perfect. Often an argument can escalate into a fight, and then it would seem the ‘strongest’ verbally will always win. But I don’t think this is a valid reason for winning the argument.

@JLeslie Lovely answer. What if you knew with any doubt you were right in what you were saying. How far would you take your argument?

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Never thought of it that way, but yes, I suppose detracting from the main conversation and becoming personal could cause a fierce argument.

@partyparty If the argument is something emotional, how I have been treated by someone, or how they feel I treated them, then I want to go on and on until I feel better or understood, because I never intentionally want to hurt someone, especially someone I care about. What I have learned is that with certain people there is no point, because they don’t want to understand me, they want to stick with whatever they think. There might be many different reason for why they have to stay with their way of thinking, they might be right fighters, they may be unable to admit when they are wrong, they might feel better about themselves when they can think other people are wrong. Maybe they are just black and white people, unable to think in shades of gray. As long as it is not my husband I generally get to a point that I am willing to let them think whatever they want, but it typically means we won’t be very close, not in the way of really trusting each other. I think this is why arguing, and being able to solve arguments is so important, because if you believe I want to hurt you, then how can you trust me and vice versa?

I admit that sometimes I decide a person is “limited” and I don’t try hard to push my point, and eventually avoid arguing with them altogther, just act all sweet and nice when around them, let them be right about everything, and smile.

If it is about a fact, and I can prove it, I might look it up and show them the proof.

If it is opinion, like politics, diet, etc., I am fine if they don’t agree with me, I can easily agree to disagree.

@mowens I must remember never to argue with you LOL

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes, sometimes when we rule with our heart, we forget all practicalities of an argument don’t we?