Would you forego getting lap dances, etc. if your S/O was strongly against it?

Yep. The feelings of my SO are infinitely more important than a few minutes of a stripper grinding on me.

There’s a clause in my marriage contract that says if I don’t get one lap dance per day, that’s grounds for divorce.

Sheesh!

well, first off i would never have a stag night or bachelor party. mainly cause i dont drink and would not want to pass out and puke my guts out at my own wedding, yes it does happen quite a bit.

as for the stripper part, is it cheating, technically no its not. but it certainly is not something you should be doing if you plan on getting married the next day. in fact, i would not get a lap dance even if i was in a casual relationship. come to think of it, unless its free, and i mean truly free, not even my friends paid, i still would not be interested in it.

as for bachelor parties being a right of passage, why? why are they. i dont understand that at all. then again i dont understand any kind of ’‘mandatory’’ celebration.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities how about your own feelings?

You must consider that this is probably the one last act you’ll get-away with before you get tied-up with the wedding knot. Besides, how is she to know?

@njnyjobs I’ve heard that it’s the ‘last night of freedom with the guys’.. but I’m not sure how marriage makes any difference in the matter. You’re not single either way…

@njnyjobs If I love someone enough to want to marry them, then there really isn’t “one last act” that I’d want to get away with. My own feelings are for my SO, and that’s all that matters.

I was on that aforementioned thread and strongly disagreed with the idea that it was “cheating”, because cheating is “not playing by the rules”. So if you SO sets rules and doesn’t want you to do something, you should respect that. My wife and I don’t care, our relationship isn’t based on physical attraction or titillation, it’s about more than that, eye candy is eye candy, pure and simple. I had never gone to a strip club before I was married, and I did not plan to go on my bachelor party, nor did I ask the fellas to take me, but they did take me to one, and honestly, I wasn’t all that impressed. This was a totally nude club where there were bony ass women (ribs just turn me off) gyrating their pierced labia (another turn off for me) all over the place. The guys got me a lap dance with a girl who was actually pretty and who had a nice body, it was “fun”, an interesting experience that is nice that I’ve gotten out of the way, because I like to experience different things in life, but 10 years later, I’ve never once had the desire to go to another strip club. My wife didn’t care, and every time the Chippendales come to town I tell her she should go, but she just doesn’t care all that much either…one of those things like if it comes up, and some friends were going, she might accompany them, and I suppose if some guy friends wanted to get together at a strip club, I might go, but nothing either of us would seek out, and neither of us would care if the other one did it because it’s not like we’re going to have any sort of relationship (even a purely physical one) with the strippers, and our relationship is built on things other than turning each other on physically. That’s just a component, like the cherry on top of the sundae. A lot of people marry people they aren’t even physically attracted to because love isn’t about physical attraction, so I simply feel like watching someone strip is no different than watching porn or looking at a Playboy or what not. Just eye candy…it’s one thing if you fantasize about, damn, I’d love to tap that one night when my wife isn’t watching, but it’s wholly another to say, wow, that looks nice and makes my parts all tingly. It’s about intent and action and I don’t see it as problematic. But that said, if your SO doesn’t like it, then it’s a betrayal to do it anyway. If my wife had a problem with me seeing other women nude, I wouldn’t have gone along with the fellas.

I would still do it, women don’t see marriage like men do, we don’t settle, we surrender. So if we can have one last night of fun before we have to start being treated like emasculated drones, then we deserve it.

This would not bother me at all.

It makes me wonder if the women who do forbid it have issues with trust or insecurity. Or if their values are perhaps so divergent from their partner’s that it’s not a good match.

@nikipedia Indeed.

In my relationship, I have never forbade him to get a lapdance. We seem to have an unwritten rule..don’t do what you wouldn’t want the other to do. I know my husband wouldn’t want me having any other man rubbing up on me, even if it was in that manner. (you can go to a strip club without being touched or touching…) so why would he think it’d be okay to do it?
For me, it’s a respect issue. I would find it disrespectful if I were to get a lapdance. That’s just me and my feelings on it for my relationship. I don’t care what others do. That’s their business.
Also, I would be willing to give up certain things while in a relationship, not give up having friends or having time to myself..those are unreasonable. But if it’s something quite reasonable then I don’t see what the problem is.

If you get a chance, rent “Hangover”
It’s funny from the start until the credits rolling on floor laughing my lapdance off!

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities and @dazedandconfused – I applaud your fidelity . . . but in the sense that this post is being presented, it’s more of an entertainment event than an affair that will have consequences that may affect your relationship negatively.

I see a lot of responses here on fluther that are sometime written without thought and consideration of the actual question posed.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities & @dazedandconfused & @poisonedantidote . Thank you for once again helping me to realize that there are men out there worth having. Every time I feel like man bashing, I’ll look up one of you three and read a few of your posts. I also like the fact that you had some good solid answers to the evil gnomes that say tings like “She’ll never know.” Lurve to you all.
And really, all joking aside. Thank you.

Like casheroo, my SO and I have agreed not to get lapdances out of respect for one another (that’s just how we feel; if other couples are comfortable with the idea, then there’s nothing wrong with that). But if the issue were to come up later, and he really wanted to go, I’d accept that as long as I would be allowed to do the same. I don’t tolerate double standards.

@Blackberry and njnyjobs I’m not saying getting a lapdance is intrinsically wrong, but if you feel entrapped by your fiance and you are frantic to experience that one last night of freedom, then you probably shouldn’t be getting married to that particular person. Odds are you’d be miserable together because of your conflicting values. If receiving lap dances is important to you, then date/marry a woman who’s OK with that (they exist, as evidenced by this thread).

I resent the thought that some men have, and was mentioned here, that the lap dance is “their last chance” to experience this kind of excitment. I believe that if two people have decided to commit, it is because they are ok with it, and dont feel they are oging to “miss-out” on anything. otherwise, why commit?
If commitment is from that place, then why would the guy be so intrested in such a lap dance? and so, why would the woman really care if he got one, just because he was there and it happened? she knows where her spouses heart and sexuallity is..
I wouldn’t make a big deal if my man got a lap dance, unless I saw it was a too-big excitment, and then I would ask myself if something in our relationship is maybe not as I thought it was.

@Marva I don’t really care for the attitude either, but why bother with getting yourself worked up about it? You won’t change their opinions. Just stay away from men like that. You wouldn’t waste your time on them in real life, don’t do it here. I saw the comments too, and if they feel like we treat them like “emasculated drones” then why waste your breath or any other resource? Those are the guys that keep strippers fed. Somebody has to pay them. Let them have at it.
Spend your time appreciating men worth your time, you saw my list above I’m sure.

Simply yes. If she’s my S/O, or “significant other”, then her wishes would be just as “significant”. If I don’t feel her wishes are significant enough to listen to, it makes one wonder just how significant this significant other is.
-Dan

My boyfriend and I want to have a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. We can’t imagine enjoying all of the debauchery that comes along with those types of parties without each other! Why don’t more people compromise by combining the parties? Seems more fun that way too. :)

And to answer the initial question, I likely wouldn’t date a guy in the first place who wasn’t okay with me getting lapdances. Not because I care that much about getting lapdances, but because I doubt I could intimately connect with someone who was offended by that sort of thing. Plus, I usually have a great time with (female) strippers, and getting combined lapdances is something I’ve enjoyed with each of the guys I’ve dated.

@Trillian thanks for the compliment, but dont read too many of my posts, you may end up man bashing a lot more than you already was, hehe.

I would forego them even if he wanted me to get them. I don’t get lap dances, they’re always cliche and awkward. I don’t like sexual stuff to not lead anywhere.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Lapdances don’t have to be cliche and awkward if you develop the right rapport with the stripper in advance. (Talk to her like a real person and get her real name, not her stripper name!) And with that kind of rapport, they usually lead to the stripper’s residence at the end of the night, so they don’t have to lead nowhere either. ;)

@girlofscience well I guess so…but I can generally do that with any person…they don’t have to be a stripper..not that it matters to me…but I haven’t gone to a strip club in years and years

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Haha, well yeah, but this specific question was about strippers.

@girlofscience true story

i dated a fella once who, when asked, said that he’d only been to a strip club once in his life, shortly after becoming legal, and in the decade since, had never returned. when asked why, his response was “because i like women.” he would go on to explain that he likes and respects women and even though he knew that many of the dancers chose the profession and enjoyed it, he found it to be demeaning towards women and he chose not to support that. damn. i loved that boy.

I think strip clubs, bachelor parties, etc., etc., are stupid and a bore, so I would have absolutely no problem foregoing any such events and, in fact, I would not want to have/attend them anyway before trading nuptials with the woman I say I love . In the event that something I actually enjoyed really bothered my SO, then, if I truly loved her, cared for her, respected her and wanted to continue being with her, then most likely I would give up said activity in favor of making my SO happy and comfortable, and, in effect, also saving myself a lot of drama.

I’d only go to a strip joint if I knew that the Chicken Lady was going to be there.

I’d rather my guy not go.

yey that was my question! lol

and yes i would deffinitely give it up. if my girl, had a problem with ANYTHING, i would first talk to her about it and find out WHY she has a problem with it if i dont know for obvious reasons. then if i agree, or even if im willing to make the sacrifice i would refrain.

There is NO way I would be ok with my boyfriend going to a strip club without me!
Yes, getting a lap dance is cheating.
Going to a strip club for a male bachelor parties have become less popular.

I would be fine with my SO going to strip clubs with or without me and getting lap dances. Most clubs have very strict no touching rules, and it is not a big deal. I bought my SO a lap dance the other night, and it was all in fun. Strippers are just entertainers unless they decide to do side work but that is a whole different thing