How do tell or explain to your four year old why his cousin no longer lives with him?
My nephew and sister have been living in the same house as my parents, my son and I. Yes that is a lot of people in one house. In trying to keep this as simple as possible my sister and I were both told after our sons were born that if we got pregnant again before we moved out of the house we would be kicked out. No questions asked.
My son and nephew have more or less been raised as brothers rather than cousins. My son is four his cousin is two. I came home today from being out all day with my son to find out that my sister and her son no longer live with us. She got pregnant again.
My question is how do I tell my son that his cousin will no longer be living with us?
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6 Answers
I don’t think it is necessary to tell him the actual reason, but simply explain to him that they found a place to live that will be better for them.
I have lived in many shared households, and the children accept that people move in and out from time to time. They are very resilient.
Certainly you and your sister didn’t expect to live with your parents forever. What would you have said to your son if she had decided on her own to move out? Are you saying your parents will not allow her to visit?
Keep it simple. You don’t want to bring the complex relationships between parents and their adult children or why auntie can’t figure out birth control. Just say that auntie and cousin moved into their own house (or more likely moved in with auntie’s friend). That’s all you need to say.
Agree with both of the above. “They moved into a new place” is perfectly sufficient for a four year old.
I agree with all of the answers so far- I only have one thing to add. Try to make this a positive experience. Tell your son this in a way that lets him know they didn’t leave because of him. Children are always so quick to make everything their fault. Explain that you can still go and see them and won’t it be fun to make treats to take over to them for their new house?
As adults we know all of the sadness and fear that comes from losing our residences and being uprooted suddenly. He doesn’t know this and honestly, is too young just yet to need to know. So try and make this an adventure of sorts for him.
Try to keep up contact and let him call them, draw them pictures or what have you to help him feel he hasn’t been abandoned by them.
Big serious agreement with @gemiwing. Yes, children are resilient, but that comes in two flavors:
a) they are hiding their confusion because they know we’re uncomfortable in a given situation
b) they’ve had a chance to ask the questions that pop up for them, and the questions have been answered to their satisfaction.
b) is better!
What @galileogirl said. You don’t want to make it seem like a big deal, because it’s not. It’s not like they’ll never see each other again.
Remember this: Kids take their cue on how to feel about things by watching you and your reactions.
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