I want to move out, but I know I can't quite yet. Any advice?

Is there a family member (you mentioned aunts) that you could live with? If you were really determined to get away, you could apply for emancipated child status. You would have to go to an attorney and go to court.

You could report him (with a school counselor) to child protective services.

If you don’t want to go through all of that drama, you have to just stick it out until you turn 18. Then you can go live with a friend’s family or a relative until you can get a job.
Is it possible your mother could help you with money to get away? Or is he as controlling with her as well?

I’m sorry that you are going through this. You can only know inside of yourself that it is him and not you.

Thanks, but that’s the thing..we’re the only part of the famiy in the south. Moving so far is just not an option…knowing him I’d be reported as a runaway.
And I have considered those options of emancipation or reporting him, but don’t I need a job and a way to show I can support myself if I am to be emancipated? The drama of reporting him would be wayyyyy too much.
Unfortunatley he is pretty controlling towards her as well. He gets mad if she spends money on something he thinks is wasteful even though she’s the one bringing home all the bacon.

Thank you for trying to help me though, I really do appreciate it. I turn 18 in June; but it seems so far away when I’m stuck here :(

get a job..

read the question.

@Chongalicious Stay on Fluther. Get support when you need it.

Get one anyway. Or suck it up until you’re 18

@marinelife Thanks again for being supportive, that’s some advice I’ll follow =)

@Violet clearly you don’t grasp the situation completely so please just leave well enough alone.

@Chongalicious no, you just don’t like my advice because it’s not what you want to hear. You’re complaining about your dad yelling at you, because you put too many dishes in the dishwater, he disrespects you, and has an anger problem.
I don’t feel bad for you. Are you being physically abused?
Then you have no other options.
Why can’t you suck it up?

@Violet Why don’t you leave him alone?

@marinelife There was nothing wrong my my advice, or tough love. I’m not going to just give her sympathy or feel sorry for her.
So what other options does she have?

Look straight ahead. See that spot of white? That is your 18th birthday and the light at the end of your tunnel, Don’t focus on anything else, just count the days as they pass. Less than 365 to go.

uhm…I’m a girl. The boy in the pic is the boyfriend…lol

Just do your best. Why doesn’t he want you to have a job?

@galileogirl thanks :) I kind of feared that would be the only option, bet hey, if it is, so be it!
But in all seriousness everyone. I’m not looking for any sympathy, but I’m also not looking for sarcasm. If you can’t try to help, move to the next question please. Thanks to all who try to support.

This is tough. Is there any way your father would be willing to go to some family counseling with you? I think a counselor might be able to help him understand the impact he is having on you, that it is making you very unhappy. There is a 99.99% chance your father cares about your happiness. Probably you are going to have to stick it out until you are old enough or go away to college? Are you a Jr or Sr? Do you plan on going to college? If he will pay for college don’t screw that up, don’t move out and ruin your chances of his financial help.

@Chongalicious so what is the difference between “suck it up until you are 18” and what @galileogirl said? Her answer was nicer?

Does he say why he is so strict? Is he afriad for you? Worried you will get hurt or into trouble? To you it might feel like he wants to control you, but for him he might be very anxious about the bad thngs that could happen.

@faye I personally don’t know the real reason behind it. He’s given me 3 or 4 different ones when I ask why. If I bring up that he’s said something different before…that’s trouble..wish I could give more info, but I’m just as lost as you are.

@Violet I’m not into arguing this at all. The simple answer is that you’ve been nothing but sarcastic. She, on the other hand, is genuinely trying to help.

@JLeslie thanks, but he would never do that…he doesn’t even like normal doctors… I do plan to go to college, I’ve been accepted to a cooking school already. Moving out won’t ruin my chances of his financial support because he really doesn’t even have anything to give, and truthfully the last thing I was at this point is for him to give me any money because I’ve seen the way he acted towards my brother after lending him some money for a car…but again, thank you.

@JLeslie OH I forgot to add, I’m a senior.

Oh, so you are graduating in a few months. Do you turn 18 soon? Will you be 18 when you graduate?

@Chongalicious do you know what sarcastic means? Do my comments really sounds ironic? I’m telling you what you need to hear, and you don’t like it.
What do you think your best option is?

I truly dont understand why people on fluther feel the need to get involved with other people’s questions when they are clearly NOT answering or helping. To be hurtful, sarcastic or not sticking to the QUESTION does not help the individual. People should learn to have some tact (@violet) and either answer the question that the individual is asking, or MOVE ON

@chian at what point in my question was I being hurtful, sarcastic, and not sticking to the question?

@chian I’m staying on topic, while you are just personally attacking me.

@Violet The part where you told her to suck it up twice, and told her to get a job, twice when she clearly stated she couldn’t.

@Violet i think other people have answered that for you, but if you think answering to an 18yr old who is obviously hurting and confused by saying “You’re complaining about your dad yelling at you, because you put too many dishes in the dishwater, he disrespects you, and has an anger problem.
I don’t feel bad for you. Are you being physically abused?
Then you have no other options.
Why can’t you suck it up?” is cool , your dead wrong. There are other ways. You might think you are staying on the topic but the person who has started the topic clearly does not, so let it go!

@violet admit when wrong, other people seem to think you are as well. Maybe you should think about taking the truth in stride….

@chian you didn’t even come up with a solution!! You came in, and just started attacking me!

I think @Violet is on topic, some people are just upset with how she stated it, but it is essentially the advice that is going to be given. I do agree it is kind of expected on fluther that when the collective is responding to someone who is younger we try to not be harsh or blundt in how we word answers. Hopefully @violet will think next time before she answers. No reason to fight about it and take over the thread.

I dont have a solution to be honest but I joined here a month ago and i have noticed that some people are very hostile. We dont know eachother and so there needs to be some tact dont you think? I am sorry bt your way was not the way to talk to a person you dont know and needs advice!!! Yesterday i asked how to remove a cd from a mac that was stuck and i had some guy answer me saying stop showing off with macs and get a practical computer. (????) I just think people should stick to answering question and not get personal like “I don’t feel bad for you. Are you being physically abused?
Then you have no other options.
Why can’t you suck it up?” Thats all, just a thought, not an attack violet. Any how since we are leaving topic, i wont say anymore.

ok…I have only one last thing to say to @Violet . I think you’re just having a bad day or something, so could everyone just do us all a favor and humor her? This is getting pretty intense, and I’ve started an arguement which was not the purpose of me asking this question in the first place. Sorry, Flutherites.

@JLeslie thank you! I do know I am being harsh and/or blunt, but this on purpose. I think someone who is 17 needs to hear things in a blunt way. It is a serious situation, and sugar coating an answer isn’t going to hit home.

@chian There is nothing wrong with asking if she is being physically abused. That is a valid question. @marinelife recomended reporting him to child protective services and that will do nothing if she is not being abused or neglected, just make things much worse. You act like that question is offensive?

@Violet I do think it is important that OP feel understood, and I don’t think your answer will help her feel that way.

@chian “I don’t feel bad for you. Are you being physically abused?” is not a personal attack. One is a statement, and the other is a question. I was in a way worse situation that Chongalicious, and I can tell you what advice helped me, and what didn’t.
@Chongalicious I’m not having a bad day. Honestly, what exactly do you think your best option is? And again, are you being physically/sexually abused?

@JLeslie it was the whole sentence and the sarcasm which is pretty clear i think, as in are you being abused no, so since your not, suck it up.
@Chongalicious I hope you find a way out, and i wish you all the best. Perhaps you could just try and stick to yourself for a bit and try and breathe…............since you say yourself there is not much else you can do!

@Chongalicious Have you tried talking to your dad one on one , serious talk?

This is pretty sad I can’t tell if your dad is overprotective or what it is exactly, but he is hindering you IMMENSELY by doing this.

I started working around 15 doing labor work it sucked but I got paid, you might want to try under the table work if possible.

and the drivers license thing you should be able to do online depending on where you live check that out, and if you do before your 18 you can do most of the tests online, I know first hand.

I am 19 now and let me tell you its going to be VERY hard to just “move out” seems easy on paper and you can do it but if your paying all your own bills,car insurance,food and working a 8–10 dollar hourly job or the such.

Its going to be hard..prepare to cut out a lot of excess things or shopping….

OR you can try to move in with a family member and see if they will help you.

Honestly I think you can though it out,I have lived in far worser conditions( I had to move in with my other aunt called me a punk bitch because my dad’s drug problem, when I lived with her which was in my junior year of high school just to give you an idea)

Focus on school and when you graduate step on it, and go start looking for a job, drivers license.

Start planning now.

Oh and you could find a roommate BUT find someone you can trust, I don’t like that crap because if the person leaves and things on in your name YOU get screwed.

Personally I prefer paying extra and now I pay the bills, but if you can find a good room mate trust worthy its a option too.

now thats good advice! @Steve_A good for you !

@JLeslie (I do think it is important that OP feel understood, and I don’t think your answer will help her feel that way):

My mother use to tell me to kill myself, and that I would never amount to anything. I’ll spare you the rest of the details.
What did I do? I turned to sex and drugs. (Don’t do drugs, or drink).
I saw dozens of school counselors, therapists, etc.. and no advice was ever helpful. So what did I do? I sucked it up.

Hey @Steve_A Has a great point, have you tried to talk to you dad? Not during a fight, but one on one during a calm time? Where you can explain how you feel. Remember to use I and not you. Like I feel like I can’t do anything right around you and it makes me feel very bad about myself Not you yell at me all of the time and make feel awful When you use “you” it will put him on the defensive. If you are going to negotiate for some more freedom, it is just that, a negotiation, you cannot just talk about what you want, you have to give him a little of what he might want also. Like, “dad I want to get a job to be prepared for when I graduate, but I know you are worried about my grades slipping, I care about my grades too, so if they do I will quit.” Or, whatever will work.

@Violet – We have all been through things, some worse , some better… Doesnt mean we can make people feel bad because we have hardened. If you look above you will see that the person who wrote this question was repeatedly asking you to back off, and you wouldnt…. I just think you need to be a little softer with your words. Honesty is the best policy, its the way you say things….

@Violet When I was depressed as a young teen I luckily was able to talk to a counselor and found friends I enjoyed hanging around with. I never did drugs or drank. Feeling understood helped me.

@Violet trust me, I know I’m not in the worst of situations. I have a roof over my head and all that good stuff. Yes, he does get abusive now and again. That’s not my main concern. All I wanted out of this was to know if someone could find a way for me to get out of this before I’m 18 without the legal system having to be involved…apparently it’s not possible, so I guess waiting is all I can do for now. But now I see what you were trying to do. I just wasn’t looking for such easy answers because the sitauation itself isn’t easy. Also, it sucks you had to go through that but it’s the reason I’m here. I don’t want to have to turn to other things to take my mind off it. I want to be away from it in reality, not just my dreams.

@Steve_A I have tried to talk, but for someone who can dish it out, he sure can’t take it. Everytime I say something he may not like, such as “What am I doing wrong?” I guess he can’t find a legit answer so he gets really pissed off and I’m left standing there wondering what the hell is going on in his head! I did under the table once, $5 an hour, but he found out and I got into huge trouble and let’s just say that money is no longer mine. Could you maybe find me a link for getting my learner’s online? And yea, to my dad I’m an idiot bitch and everytime I do find a way to earn a little trust or respect I manage to lose it within a week by not doing what he says within five minutes.

@JLeslie you are so right. Feeling understood sometimes is all you really need…

@chian If I asked you to stop attacking me, would you? Because I told you a while ago you were attacking me, and you didn’t stop, so how about you take your own advice (I was honest.. You’re telling me to change who I am, and how I speak.)

@Chongalicious I know your main concern is not abuse, but that is my main concern. Abuse is how you can get out of your situation. Next you get abused, take pictures of your bruises etc. and immediately call CPS and/or the police.

@Violet I understand that, but I think being bounced around from home to home would be worse than where I am now.

@Chongalicious Well I know in Florida they have online test, I did the 4 hour drug/alcohol one online but when I turned 18 I could not take the road rules/road signs test, so I had to go to the DMV and take it in person.

Do you live in the U.S.? If so I would google your state with online driver license test or the such.

@Steve_A I’m in VA. I’m really hoping I can find it online because doing it in person before I’m 18 won’t work, my dad would never allow it.

@Chongalicious Well, I know what it feels like to be perceived as someone who can’t do anything right. It chips away at your self esteem, and makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells. Not a good feeling. Sounds like you have a plan, at least you know you will be going to cooking school, which sounds good, and you just have to make it through a few more months. The light is at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, in many ways getting older is much better. You might hear people say this is the best time of your life, no worries, no responsibilities, but for most people being a kid under the rule of parents sucks. Little freedom, being told what to do all of the time. You are not alone. Do your best not to let this drag you down. Enjoy the moments of happiness you have with friends, listening to music, accomplishments at school, and it will be over soon.

Will you be able to live at a dorm at the culinary school?

@Chongalicious Its worth a shot.

I don’t how the laws differ per state and all….or if they even do it online, reply and tell us yea?

Did you tell us when you turn 18?

@Chongalicious Your dad though has no right to be taking the money you earned If my parents or family tried that oh boy….I mean I will help with bills or the like but you ain’t gonna just take my money.

@JLeslie Yep, I’ve had a bit of a plan for a while now, just wanted to see if someone here may be able to help me improve it. (they have haha) I do try to enjoy those things, and thanks for the advice! Yes, I’ll be 18 on June 14th.

@Steve_A Of course! I’ll keep ya posted. Trust and believe I’d take him on if I was half the size of my bro. The bro would try to help but it’s just the legal system…it would ruin his future and I told him not to do that. (He’s called the police on my dad before also, but my mom lied in his defense..she loves him way too much…ugh.)

@Chongalicious Oh, so basically after you graduate. Will your dad let you get a summer job once you are 18 and out of high school?

@JLeslie I’m really not sure how he’ll react. I just hope he doesn’t say something like “as long as you’re under my roof you follow my rules”...that would SUCK. But I’m definitely applying to Food Lion :)

@Chongalicious Well the only thing I can think is maybe ask for a counselor or the like in school to help you out.They should even have a social worker.

But getting close to 18 I am not sure if its worth all that trouble now…but if anything maybe they can help with plans or just to talk to somebody.

I got to go, but good luck and stay head strong yea

@Chongalicious What about trying to get a job at a restaurant? That way you can justify it by saying it will help you in your studies since you are going to cooking school. It would be a little harder for your dad to argue that point (hopefully).

@Chongalicious Yeah, that is what I was getting at, if he had a rule while you were living in his house no matter how old you are. Maybe you could ask him about working in the summer in March or April, and give him a chance to think about it, don’t expect an immediate answer. Tell him you want to save for school.

@Steve_A it really isn’t worth the trouble now, wish I wouldv’e asked this about a year ago :/

@chyna just mentioning the word job makes him mad because I’m “pushing it, he already said no.”

@JLeslie hmm…that may work. The latest reason I’ve been given for not being able to have a job is so I can focus on school. I rarely have homework anyways, since we have SDS (self directed study) in my school, and my grades are good. (I have a 3.2 GPA). But he’s still not convinced. When I mention that, he says “it should be an A.” I’m no perfect child, so what else can I do?

When my oldest daughter was born, we were expecting a boy because of the ultasound. Out pops this baby girl, and the doctor, knowing he had been saying boy all along, said to my husband, “You know, I have three daughters, and I’m very glad that I have girls, because when you have a son, you want him to do everything that you did, only do it correctly and better.”

The reason why I am saying this, is that probably a lot of your father’s anger with you comes from seeing you and thinking how he would live your life and what he would do if he was you. Some of it probably comes from how his father parented him. And some of it is his hitting middle age. Perhaps you could record him yelling at you without him knowing it, and leave it somewhere that he could hear it, with a message that you really love him, but he makes it really hard.

It made me really sad to read your question. Parents don’t always see the long-term consequences of their behavior with their children. Often it’s not until something irreversible and devastating happens that parents realize what they’ve done.

I meant a job for this summer, before cooking school starts, but he probably won’t go for that either.

@Chongalicious I know a lot of parents who think work will take away from studies and I think it is a huge mistake. My dad was worried about that when I started work, but my grades actually went up. But, it doesn’t matter, because it seems we, rather you, will have to accpet that his mind is difficult to change. Here is another way of approachng the subject in April. Maybe ASK him what he expects you to do during the summer after graduation. For all you know he will come back with, “well you better get a job, you can’t just sit around here on your ass all day.” lol. No matter what he says you can ask him to think about the idea of you working to save money for school.

@PandoraBoxx thank you for that, it really helps. Both of my parents had terrible childhoods. My mom had a drug-addicted father, and was abused. My dad had a mother who slept with half of Long Island, and she kicked him out when he was 14. The point of that is, my mom isn’t anything like my dad althought she, too came from a terrible situation. I’m trying to understand it, but I don’t think I ever will…

@chyna aahh, gotcha. I think he just may go for it, though. I’m counting on the possibilty that he’ll realize that I’m 18, I’m not a dumb little girl anymore.

@JLeslie that’s what happened to me, too when I had that under the table job for a few months. I hated my job, but I enjoyed the fact that I was doing something. I brought my grades up in that time period, but he doesn’t seem to pay attention to the bright side a whole lot. That’s a good idea, I’m definitely going to try it.

that’s abuse, what’s your mum doing, can’t you live with her? He’s a control freak and it’s never ok to treat someone like that. Your’e 17, not 18, complain to authorities. My daughter is in the same boat, worse, she’s a little younger, I’m bringin her here. live somewhere else anywhere else- you don’t say where you are but you can get allowance and studies help in uk and aus.

My mom won’t ever leave him, I know that for sure. I don’t understand how/why she loves him so much, but she does. So no, I can’t live with her only. I’ll be 18 in a few months, so I’m not sure the authorities here will act quickly enough to get me out of the situation before I’m legal, but thanks for the advice.

move. out. can you live with your boyfriend? good luck I really feel for you

I’ve definitely thought about it, but I’m afraid if I do I’ll be reported as a runaway and then whoever I’m staying with would get into trouble…and he’s younger than me, so no =(
Thanks again for your support

@trailsillustrated I disagree about moving out so quickly.The abuse I agree your dad is not being logical about this.

If you just move out now and specially with just a person that might end up very bad.

Least for now you know you have a roof, food and can go to school.

You can do this you have made it this far! I shared that one example with you becuase I felt similar to you.

Keep pushing forward and you will look back and be happy you did not give in.

By the way did you find out about your drivers license?

@Steve_A I think you’re right, I really don’t want to get anyone else into trouble and I don’t want to put myself in permanent financial ruin… sigh I’m not having much luck with these pesky search engines either >_<

You said Virginia right?

http://www.dmv.state.va.us/webdoc/utilities/contact.asp

I could not find online test it looks like they have pracice ones.

I would call the DMV and talk to a person ask them if they have it online or not for your area to be sure.

Yea, I know about the practice, but if there’s no real one online I’ll just have to wait. I’ll definitely check for it with them, though. Thank you for being so helpful! :D

Yes I think you are right that sucks….I guess it’s only in some states or in FL. :/

Damn you commonwealth!!! >:O!!! lol

Lol…

If you are being abused, in my opinion, you should report it, risk of drama or no. If you fear for consequences of reporting (e.g. fear more abuse, or at worst for your life), when you report it, be very clear on that and ask for protection. While you might feel that the abuse is not a concern for you, it is and should be a concern for responsible adults who hear of this. Frankly, if I had a way to find out your RL details, I would very possibly report it myself based on what you have told us so far.

Other than that, as others have said, start planning for your 18th birthday now. Know where you’ll go—any of those relatives that you could talk to now, and agree to move to at that point, so that you know where you will be going? If you’ll have to support yourself, start looking for jobs now, for one that you could start on day 1, instead of having to spend three months looking for a job with zero income. Start looking for a way to continue your studies while working now, too. Recruit the help of anyone and everyone you can think of and do not think you have to make it alone. Anyone with a half brain will not think you are out of place asking for help if at 18 you need to go on alone.

Making plans will not only make it easier when time comes; it will also make it easier for you to stand the situation.

I had an idea. Would you be able to volunteer somewhere, just to get out of the house? Or maybe some after school program (maybe a college prep or SAT related)?

I don’t see how the state would ever agree this is abusive enough to do something about it. He won’t let her work, tells her she is not doing her chores well, she gets grounded a lot. Sounds like half of my friends in high school.

Also, what good will getting your license be if you are not insured to drive? You have no money right? What car do you plan on driving? I did not read the DMV website, but if VA is anything like MD was when I grew up you could not get your license before the age of 18 unless you took a course either in high school or a certified private course. Once 18 you could sit for the test without the class.

I can tell you are realistic about your situation, just wanted to vent. I don’t blame you, it is frustrating. Just post on fluther when he royally pisses you off and get some more support from your friends and aunts. Let us know when you are out and happy this coming fall. :)

@JLeslie That’s what I was thinking. I don’t see it as abuse or anything, others kind of exaggerate it. I just feel like a damn caged animal. It sounds like your friends in high school, because it kind of is; only a bit more extreme with the punishments and all. But I will of course keep you guys updated. You’ll probably see some type of question about where to get the best furniture deals :P

@Violet I do need volunteer hours for my government class, but the biggest challenge there is finding a ride. I do some stuff with my boyfriend’s church but it’s not a whole lot, although it does get me out of the house. As for the SAT, I already took it..got a 1660 ;)

@Janka that’s one reason I would never give my details; I don’t feel like it’s up to everyone here what happens to me, but don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate your concern. I’m planning now for what exactly I’m going to do for my birthday. I don’t want to upset my mom by just disappearing, but I would like to be away at least for a while, take a break, you know?

@Chongalicious It seems like you will get your break when you leave for school. If you are going to dissappear on or after your 18th brithday I implore you to always let your mother know you are ok and how she can reach you or at minimum that you will contact her once a week, or some regular schedule where she won’t be worried. If you dissappear it will drive your parents insane, and no matter how crappy you think they are, that type of punishment is not justified. I assume you will go to live with some friends or maybe a relative. Maybe you can do that without being deceptive? Whatever you do be safe. School starts just a few months after your birthday, no need to do something extreme in the 11th hour.

@JLeslie Of course I’m not going to do something that crazy, my mom is the best. I don’t hate my dad, but most times I feel like he hates me. It’s a foreign thing when he’s nice to me… I find that strange. I’m always gonna keep constant contact with my mom, I couldn’t torutre her like that, it’s just wrong! I plan to live in the school sponsored appartments if I don’t find one in the area with my friends. I don’t plan to be deceptive, they’ll know I’m leaving and where I’m going, but I’m not letting them stop me from going anywhere, not like I’m moving far anyways…and I agree I think school will hopefully be that break I need.

Sounds good. I did not mean to assume, but from what you had written I was not sure where your head was at. I feel very sure your dad does not hate you, he probably hates parts of himself and he is projecting (not sure if you are aware of this psychological term) or maybe his childhood sucked and relatively speaking he thinks you have a great family and cannot understand why you are so unhappy. Just guessing, I migh tbe way off.

It’s ok, I know a lot of people my age make that mistake of thinking that up and disappearing will solve everything..tisk tisk they’re silly haha. Yeah, I think you may be right about him projecting his own childhood (which was a livng hell from what I’ve heard). He thinks I’m spoiled; but when you take a look at the average American teen I’m no where near it! He really doesn’t understand it, though. I don’t know… if I could get inside his head I think things would be a million times better.

Great insight! It can be very healing for you if you are able to put yourself into his shoes from his perspective. It will help you be forgiving later, and it is an amazing learning experience to understand that when people hurt you it can make you feel much better to understand their point-of view. What it will do, I theorize, is make you feel less like he hates you or is purposely mean, and understand he is just limited by his own experiences. This is true for all relationships. Sometimes we feel like an SO does something horrible to us, when they had no clue it would be so hurtful, if we talk to each other we learn the intent. I think intent matters. Probably your dad thinks he is doing what is best for you, or is simply ignorant to the best way to parent, but not a malicious man. Almost everyone I know has some sort of dysfunction in their family, you are not alone.

Are there any places you could volunteer within walking distance from your school, bf’s house, bf’s church, etc? Could you (secretly) take a bus? Could you volunteer at your own school for the Government class?

@JLeslie I can try to do that, but I know it will be hard, I’ve tried to understand his reasoning many times and I always seem to come up short. But yeah, intent is important, if only the final result always matched it, yeah?

@Violet doing anything secretly is a big NO-GO! Only because he keeps track of me 24/7 and I’ve been caught “sneaking around” before, it was not a good day at all. The most I’ve found thus far is to ride with my bf and his mom to church sponsored events, but only when she feels up to going. It has helped a bit for my schoolwork and everything too. (It’s a good thing she loves me! haha)

Chongalicious,
I have a choice of taking you at your word or of taking your father at your words…Doing that: Lets just suppose that your father is correct…that you are “not responsible enough”.
Lets assume that he is wrong and that you are responsible enough! Then continue to do those responsible things that you are learning on your own and without the help of your father; but also, learn from what he challenges you with..

Maybe you caught that I am 73 years old. Maybe that is why I was given your question. I do not know how this works, but this I will promise. If I have loyalties, they are both to you and your father; however, since it is you that is asking the question…it is to you that I give my sincere opinions to.

But first a few propositions:

1. Learning is relatively easy; its one’s receptivity or orientation to learning that most likely makes learning difficult.
2. No one, I say again “No One”, or very few people, like to be “told what to do or what should be learned in order to be successful in life”
3. The whole dynamics of “family” is about preparation for survival post family- many are successful, many are not.

I will not take a position about the relative correctness or motives of your father; however, if you can take his charges as challenges, you certainly will be the victor because you will be able to handle life’s challenges that your supporters are not able to handle; further, you will be in a better position to prepare your children, if you so choose to have some, for the future they will face; and, I would suspect you will copy some of the things done by your father to you.

Kindest regards,
epu

P.S. I suggest that your dad is doing only what he knows how to do. Further, I suggest that you are doing only what you know how to do. Some of things both of you are doing may very well be inappropriate; however, you are living in your Dad’s house. Because he maynot be able to learn a new, this does not mean that you can’t learn very positive things from your father that will benefit you greately, both now and in the future.

Work with your Dad, you will both benefit, and as far as your friends and Mother, they are only doing what they know how to do….Maybe it time for every body to learn how to make win-win situations…..that’s where everyone is learning.