Should I feel guilty that I slept with a guy while on a break from my girlfriend?

If you’re on a break, you’re on a break. If you’re not on a break (ie you’re still living with her, it was a 9 year long relationship, and you’re worried), then it matters a lot.

[I don’t think it matters if your fling is with a guy friend or a girl friend. Not sure if that was part of your question.]

No. She was the one that wanted the break, she has no right to be mad at what you do, and you have no reason to be ashamed. You’re living your life.

I just saw the part where you wrote “I know I am able to do anything I want because she told me we weren’t together anymore”. It sounds like then your guilt is over a relationship that you’d still like to be in, and not so much over worry about what your girlfriend will think/feel?

If so, maybe it’s telling you something about what to do next.

I’d say you should be worried about your guy-friend! Leading him on like that… Shame on you!
;)

Should? There is no should. What do you feel?

Why are you still living with your girlfriend? It sounds like you still like her, and are hoping she’ll come back. I don’t what the hell she’s thinking. Your guy friend… well, he didn’t know, but I doubt it would have mattered if he did. You were interested… at the time.

Are you feeling guilty that it was a guy?

Your question is about guilt, and guilt comes down to not fulfilling responsibilities. So, let’s consider your potential responsibilities in this scenario. There’s your girlfriend, your guy friend, and yourself. Let’s break it down:

Your girlfriend
Is she your girlfriend or not? Yes, you have history and you live together; but she says you aren’t together anymore, and she leads a separate personal life from you. It sounds to me like your personal life is no longer her business. She is your ex-girlfriend, or friend, or roommate; not your girlfriend. No reason for guilt here.

(Unless, that is, you’ve lied to her about this. Lies are never good. If she asks, you can tell her the truth, or you can tell her it’s none of her business: don’t lie. If you’ve lied, consider apologizing.)

Your guy friend
What kind of friend doesn’t know about his friend’s 9.5-year girlfriend whom he lives with? Have you been leading this guy on; pretending to be something you aren’t? Have you lied? Misled? If so, yes, you have something to feel guilty about, and you ought to confess about the life you lead and your intensions concerning him.

But, if he’s a casual friend, a hook-up, you don’t owe such a person any information about your personal life or past lovers (assuming you aren’t putting them in danger, of an STI for instance; and assuming they don’t ask you something which leads you to tell a lie – and omission of info is a lie). So, to know if you’re guilty here or not, you have to consider which situation is yours.

Yourself
What is it you want out of life? You say you still love your ex-girlfriend: do you want back together with her? Even though you’re on the outs and don’t owe her anything, sleeping with other people right now might not exactly endear her to you: you may be working against yourself, in which case yes, you do have a reason to feel guilty, because you’re screwing yourself over.

On the other hand, are you ready to end things with this girl? Sure, it’s still painful, you still have feelings, but is it over? If so, what do you have to feel guilty about? You’re in a transition period, things are messed up, you’re confused and broken-up about it: that’s what your feelings are about, not guilt. You just need some distance between yourself and the ex. Move out already!

a brake implies you both intend to get back together.

if it was after a brake up and you just happened to get back together then there is nothing wrong with that.

if it was a brake, then i would personally consider it cheating.

i guess you need to look at the circumstances and decide if you considered at the time that you would not get back with her, and then factor in some forgiveness (but not much) in to the fact that you was drunk.

in my opinion though, this is no better or worse than if you slept with another girl, but due to stigma, some may react even worse if it was guy on guy.

if you are asking if you should feel guilty or extra guilty because it was with a man, then i say no, the sex of the person you cheat with does not factor in to it. you should simply feel or not feel guilty depending on the circumstances.

i am not judging you, i am simply stating how i see it

What is this “break” of which you speak? Are you together or not? If not, it’s not cheating, no matter who you do it with, man or woman. If you are together, then it depends on the rules in your relationship.

If you are taking “breaks” from each other, it says something to me about the (lack of) seriousness in your relationship, but who am I to judge? I do think that these “I had hot gay sex while on hiatus from my long-term, loving hetero relationship” questions would do well on Jerry Springer, though.

If someone tells you you are not together anymore then it is not a break it is the end of the relationship. This on a break crap is ridiculous. Either you are a couple or you’re not, its that simple. The only thing I can say is I hope you used protection.

Yes we did use protection. Me and my girlfriend aren’t together she said so herself. I just feel guilty because I still love her so much. My ex-girlfriend has already told me that I need to do what’s best for me. There are so many things I want to do but all I can think about is us getting back together.

See, we conservative types don’t have to worry ‘bout this stuff.

Friends called, they want their story back. ha ha, just joking