How should I start a conversation with a guy in my class?

If you want to be friends with him, then just approach him the same as you would approach anyone else. Be nice. Use humor. Be the real you.

Since you don’t know what he likes, start with something general, and universal (like the weather, a recent movie etc). Besides, you never know what could happen. He might be a really interesting person. The only way you’ll find out is to talk to him.

I don’t know, but maybe you could just pretend like you are friends already, and go over and say, “Hi [name here], how’s it going?” Then sit down and start eating.

You never know. It could work.

I think I would try “Mind if I sit here?” for starters.

Assuming he says “No, go ahead,” then what?

I would not ask a personal question; all too often it sounds awkward and contrived, and a shy person will give you a monosyllabic response. What next? Another question? How long before you say “Well, I see my friends waving to me, so I’d better go”?

I would not start babbling about myself. In no time I’d start to feel foolish talking about myself, and then I’d hear myself asking him a dumb question (“So what’s your favorite color?”), and another potential dead end.

No, instead I’d try to take the social pressure off both of us equally by making an interesting observation.

You’ve got a social studies class in common. Great start! Draw upon something that has come up in class, something the teacher said, something in your readings, or, maybe even better, a way that class material relates to whatever you’re experiencing in your life and your environment. It’s okay to put a question with that. For example, “I really thought that thing this morning about how different groups define themselves was fascinating, didn’t you? It made me think about the ways we try to be different from each other while still retaining group identity.”

Best of all, if he speaks up in class, is to draw upon something he said. Tell him you were interested in his comment, admired his insight, weren’t sure you understood his interpretation, etc., and invite further discussion. Bring your own observation or comment to it. Let him explain or elaborate and respond to your remark. Now you’re off and running.

From what you’ve been saying he’s a loner (perhaps even a snob), but the point is that, if he were to talk to someone, it would be you. The fact that he’s more inclined to talk to you than to anyone else is a very good start. He certainly respects you, even if there’s probably no romance there (but you never know).

The point is that it doesn’t matter what you say. You could say “hi” or “nice day today” or “did you see the last episode of Lost?”. You could even say something entirely stupid or unintresting like “I had eggs for breakfast” or even disastrous like “I had my period last week” or “I’m wearing dirty underwear”. No matter what you say, if the guy likes you, he’ll find it funny or cute, and your relationship will start off from there.

The first thing my wife said on our first date was that she hadn’t had time to shave her legs. Certainly not a thing you say to a stranger (we’d only met once before). But I liked her honesty and thought it was funny, and it made me like her more.

So go ahead and say the first thing that comes to your mind. Or not even anything. Just sit next to him. No need to ask. The guy alredy knows you from class so you’re not total strangers. An easy topic would be something related to the lesson, but that might send the wrong signal, so just ask him how he is, and try to find more about him.

Don’t worry about coming up with something cute or clever to say. Just say hi, use his name, smile, and make eye contact. Then ask him something about class. Make it a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no. Share your thoughts.

If you find yourself getting nervous, talk slower, enunciate, and lower your voice a bit. It will make you sound calm.

@PandoraBoxx That is a great answer.