What is wrong with me?

When you figure it out, let me know?

What happened at the end of 09, if it is right that we should ask?

Near as I can tell, a little melancholy when leaving a good party is perfectly natural.

i reunited with someone i love and she made me feel totally different about people. things are little weird with us right now. but it doesnt matter who i hangout with when its time to depart i feel way shitty.

Maybe you want to be lonely for sometime, you are tired off all the things around you,, why don’t you take a vacation, meet new people or write a diary,, oh once more, you really need a mood booster I think!! Keep the spirit up :)))

Change is slow. But its showing you that you find strength in others….? I don’t know…this is what I felt when I felt this way.

Perhaps you need to see a therapist and discuss these feelings? I have been through a similar bout of depression i would call it when i would go out, party, chit chat and then drive home feeling like a piece of shit and a lonely one at that…Sometimes we just have to stick it out and go through it, it too shall pass..
One thing that did help me through those bad times was long walks in fresh air and writing my thoughts down in a book, any thought i had and then looking over them, getting it all out felt good…....

One
One and two
Still lonely.

James, the band once wrote a song that had a line in it that said “amongst friends but all alone” – Boy have I related to that in the past! I also belive that as I GROW , i am way more comfortable in my own skin and way happier…I do not miss my twenties!!!

I get that way too. I know how you feel. I don’t really know how to fix it.

Think it is only natural to feel empty when you leave a social gathering.
The anticipation of going to the party is a great feeling, but when it is over I think most people would feel somewhat sad.
Keep meeting up with people, do more socialising.

Don’t stop partying, ‘til all you want to do is eat a Full English and go to bed.

I used to feel like this at times, and still do, on occassion. You say you’ve been going to parties, making up with old friends, etc, etc. Is it a possibility that you feel you now have many acquaintance’s, rather than ‘close’ friendships. This could be why you’re feeling so lonely. Maybe you’re longing for that friendship where you can have total trust, love, acceptance, etc.
Do you have any very close friends that you can confide in about anything?

I have come to believe that in some of us, there is a kind of loneliness hole that is sated when we feel connected to people, but grows larger when we are alone or feeling disconnected. I am told that this is related to childhood experiences with parents, and has to do with either emotional or physical abuse such that on some deep unconscious level we don’t really trust that we are cared for or that anyone remembers us when we are out of sight.

In my case, I experience it as an insatiable need for love. I need to be around people, and I need attention, and, in particular, I need to be loved; intimately loved. This causes me no end of problems. First of all, no one believes this is true, and even if they do think it is true, they usually think you need to get your love from only one person, and if that’s not enough, then tough it out, get therapy, and learn to love yourself.

I think it takes years, maybe even decades of work to learn that. To feel sufficient and whole all on your own is the holy grail. But the quest is endless, and really, who knows if it is even findable? I think that some people despair of ever finding it and kill themselves. The despair and depression from feeling like you are defective, alien, incompetent, bad for others and inherently unlovable is an enormous weight that kills far too many. People who are healthy and do experience themselves as lovable really have no clue.

I’m told that mindfulness is a practice that can help with this. I am told that you can learn skills that help you cope, and help you have “healthy” relationships. I think you have to want this so much that you are willing to sacrifice the rest of your mind in order to achieve this goal, but I could be imagining that. A lot of times it seems so much easier to treat the pain with fixes from lovers or alcohol or drugs or work instead of remaining cognizant of it 24/7. But I’m a lazy bastard who, if it doesn’t come easy, tends not to do it.

Could there be a bit of fear and desperation involved here? You’ve been bringing people back into your life. (Yay you!) When you leave them, is it possible that you fear that they might not want you back again? Or that you’re so in need of human company – because you’ve gone so long without it – that you’re loathe to leave them? And maybe that leads to your feelings of sadness and loneliness.

As well, if you see people leaving parties with a significant other, or even just a hook-up, that might make you feel lonely too. It sure did me.

I hope you start to find some peace within yourself. And remember that you’re doing a good thing in letting people back into your lives.

I also know that feeling all too well. When we extend trust to others and develop close relationships, we expect that trust is reciprocated and that the relationship will be ongoing throughout our life. Of course, reality is that people come and go throughout our lives. But every person we encounter becomes some part of that life, however small. When those “parts” are removed, we must compensate by trying to fill those holes with other things, especially when we have chosen to isolate ourselves for a period of time from others. You have filled those lost parts with something else in an effort to fill in the gaps or parts that were missing during the time you spent detached from others. Now, you are trying to reform old bonds. A couple of things going on here… Those things that you used to fill the missing gapds were self protective strategies to help you cope with those things that you cut out or were missing. Those things, as we speak of, were integral parts of your life and had substance, whereas those temporary gap fillers most likely were not fulfilling. Yoiu are starting the replacement process of adding those fulfilling things back into your life and thus, you are experiencing the old wounds of the loneliness you most likely experienced while letting them go when you went dark… and the anxiety/emptiness/fear you feel when you leave is a reflection of those things you felt when you oriiginally started letting go of those things. You fear they will not be there tomorrow and you may revert back to the feelings loneliness and nihilistic thoughts that once became the filler for you.

Perhaps the habit of being with people feels foreign, and when you leave there’s the sense of moving between two worlds, one that seems as if you are a visitor, and the other that you know. The more you socialize, the more connected you will feel. In the time that you were disconnected from your friends, their lives moved on and changed, and as @Holden_Caulfield says, there are gaps of unfamiliarity even among the familiar.

Stay with it, and focus on what is upbeat and positive about each person, and what’s important to you about the encounters with the people.