How do you fit sadness into your life?
I find that when I get a sudden bought of sadness these days, my eyes almost instantly start to water. I don’t fully cry, but I get that head-stuffing feeling. This has only been the case in the last couple of years. Before I experienced depression, things did not affect me so strongly.
Now, though, I don’t know what to do with the feeling. I’m afraid to feel it fully because I’m afraid it might drag me down. Maybe I’m afraid I might cry. But I want to feel it because, well, it’s how I feel. The other thing is that when I feel this, I want to do something about it, even if it’s only to hug someone. But I don’t feel like I can stop to hug someone, and it isn’t appropriate, anyway. Sometimes I might say a few words of solace.
So what I do with it is write—maybe—or think about it, or talk about it. I imagine what it is and where it comes from. I empathize, I guess. From afar, most of the time.
How does sadness fit in your life?
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I’m trying to fit my sadness and grief into the “back” rather than the “front” of my thinking. I’m trying to get back into constructive work, farming and academics, rather than brooding over a thing I cannot reverse. I’m looking more at process rather than goals in themselves. Some goals obviously must be met, the maple run will happen and tasks must be completed on schedule. The past cannot be changed.
Before I experienced depression, things did not affect me so strongly.
circular logic there!
I’m afraid to feel it fully because I’m afraid it might drag me down. Maybe I’m afraid I might cry.
go ahead and cry if you want to do it. you’ll feel better afterwards. don’t feel ashamed of it. everyone needs to sleep sometimes and everyone needs to cry sometimes.
Actually, @Ria777, when I have cried in the past, I usually felt worse. I never understood this thing about crying making people feel better.
hmm. do you cry for days and days, then, or just for an hour or less?
Oh dear me. Not very long at all.. a minute or less, except when someone really close to me dies. That one went on for a while.
@wundayatta: I know of crying and I know of crying. you can just tear up and tears will drip down and then you can let it take you over. then you can get into the whole chest and abdominal movements where you breathe hard.
when I really get going, I can’t picture myself doing it in a minute. maybe you need to let lose. also, maybe you need to get out anger.
I think its normal when i do feel sad. its not often, but it usaully reminds me of how much i appreciate the gift of life.
I only experienced crying during the complete breakdown phase that lasted about 5 days. Since then it has been more like an inner-directed anger, intensified social aversion and an almost paralyzing inertia.
I think it is important to feel one’s feelings fully. Otherwise, you are stuffing them inside, where they will not stay.
When I am sad, I try to feel my sadness. If I sit with it for a while, it moderates by itself.
@wundayatta: But I don’t feel like I can stop to hug someone, and it isn’t appropriate, anyway.
you can stop to hug someone. just ask. fuck “appropriate”!
I miss being able to cry. Somewhere along the line I learned to suppress it. I miss a good cry. I tear up a little bit, then that’s it. Unless someone dies. Which thankfully, no one close to me has died recently.
One time recently (maybe 2 years ago) I started crying for absolutely no reason. It was wierd. Luckily I was alone… but I wasn’t even sad!
I get sad a lot like you describe, especially in the past year or two. One period of sadness was definitely medication related (since I wasn’t taking it).
Sadness, anger… all of those emotions when not tied to something overly traumatic are suffering produced as a consequence of us not aligning ourselves with our idea of our higher purpose or values or principles or for having too strong an attachment to something beyond our immediate control.
Sadness for me is an emotional bottom. “Here you are again, because you didn’t comprehend or heed the message the first time.” It’s a fixable situation that just requires a clear vision and a realization of manageable steps to make changes.
My other thought goes to power-yoga celeb Baron Baptiste who uses the mantra “you have to feel in order to heal.” I think it speaks similarly to what I mention above.
I don’t like to go out of my way to stop my feelings,good or bad.I have to feel them.
I don’t, but it happens anyway.
@wundayatta. I don’t know so much if it fits rather than simply intrudes or maybe infiltrates. When I’m not all the way down I try to keep a perspective about me. Intellectually I know that the feelings wax and wane. The only time I forget this is when I’m all they way down and drowning in it. That’s the time, I think, that I most need this reminder:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Kahlil Gibran
I think that you in particular would benefit from Mr Gibran’s works. Your feelings are profound and deep enough to be affected by their simple beauty, and open enough to admit or internalize the meaning. Whether they can help you in your eternal quest for love and acceptance is unclear, but possibly some benefit may inadvertently accrue. Watching over you from afar…. :-)
It fits quite well in my sock drawer.
@Trillian Kahlil Gibran gets it so beautifully right, I hope.
There is a reason they call it “having a good cry”! Bottling up sadness or other powerful feelings can be quite toxic to the mind body and soul. Having a good cry lets it all out and most who do it that I know of including myself feel the better for having done so.
Blasting the shit out of a few targets is a good way to release those “bottled up” feelings. A bit of lead and gunpowder at the range has been good therapy for me.
I don’t need to fit sadness in, it’s already a major emotion in my life.
@Dibley You’re taking your meds at the right dosage now?
It’s kind of like family sometimes, in that it doesn’t try to “fit in”, it just shows up and makes itself at home for awhile.
Something pretty serious has to happen for me to become outright sad and luckily I haven’t had to experience that for a while. It’s not a very appealing emotion, in my opinion.
I use various techniques. The easiest one is giving my grandkids a great big hug, or looking at their pictures and thinking how lucky I am. Next is playing with my dog, and taking him for a nice long walk.
Sometimes, sadness needs to just be indulged so I take a long, hot bath or shower and remember the things I have to feel bad about. I usually give myself at least an hour to indulge, then I put it all away in the back part of my mind (I call it the ‘sad drawer’).
After that, there is plenty of things I am happy about, and they are all around me. I’m happy about my house, my needlework, my yard, my books, and so many other things. I can put on a DVD I like, make a few designer grocery bags, work on my meal and shopping plans for the week or choose any other task I enjoy.
I live in it and feel every ounce of it till it’s gone because I know it won’t last forever so I don’t have to fear that and I know I’m feeling it for a reason, just like a sickness..let it runs its course.
I set a specific time in my diary, sometimes I coordinate it with the rest of the family in my Google calendar and on my pda, and that way I know I can fit it in…
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