If you could invent responses to things like burps and sneezes, what would they be?
We say “Excuse me” when we burp or pass gas. “Bless you” is the standard response to a sneeze. Some of the responses to this question got me thinking about socially acceptable responses to uncontrollable bodily functions. We all know how we are expected to respond to these things, but if you could change the accepted response, what would you change it to? What would you have people say after burping or sneezing? What do you wish people would say to someone who burps, sneezes, or passes gas?
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15 Answers
I say bless you when people burp or fart… more really as a joke.
I try “You’re sooooooooooooooo good lookin`” for sneezes.
To a fart: “Was it dry, at least?”
To a belch: “Mmm… that was nice. Where did you have lunch?”
To a sneeze: “Did you get any on you?”
From South Park:
To a fart: “Somebody’s baking brownies!”
Who just farted? Whoever smelt it dealt it ,whoever said the rhyme did the crime, whoever said the verse made the atmosphere worse.Bit of a mouthful but a good reposte to the anal explosion.
“No problem,everyone will do the same thing” if they apologize after they did that. “Get out!/go away!” if they being ignorant after they did that.
burps = nothing
sneezes = nothing
farts = nothing, but I do leave the room.
Fart: “You have a bum like a japanese flame!”
Burp: “Nice!” (Insert enthusiastic high-five here)
Sneeze: “Didja goober on yourself?”
I would mandate a complete lack of response.
Suppressing or casting judgement over healthy, natural bodily functions for the sake of some Victorian ideal of etiquette is absurd.
Burps – Nice one. Ya got a (brush brush)...little(brush brush)...chunk.
Fart – That can’t be from food. Did something crawl up your ass and die?
Sneeze – oooo, you got some distance on that one!
I use “gesundheit” for sneezes. It means health, which I find more appealing than “bless you,” so I would advocate for its global use. It’d work for burps too, or coughs, and maybe even for tummy rumblies. I think it’d be silly to respond to farts, although if you feel you must acknowledge them, I would stick with gesundheit.
Fart – ooo you might have a turtle head pokin’ out after that one
Burp – double meat double cheese?
Some of these are really funny!
For a burp – “Ooooo, what’s that taste like?” (Drop Dead Fred)
For a sneeze – “A Jew? Here” (The Princess Bride)
For a fart – “Needs garlic.” (Crocodile Dundee 2)
@ All – Sorry, the source for the response to a sneeze was incorrectly listed as The Princess Bride. It should have read, Robin Hood: Men In Tights. My apologies for the error.
“I am A-sneeze, Father of Achoo”
“Bless you!”
“No no, Achoo is my son!”
Farcking love that movie.
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