Should I "go for it"?

sure! why not? so what about the age- if you don’t feel comfortable after awhile you can always drop him

Age is just a number! Go for it!

@BoBo1946 , no, age is also about the looks, you know, white hair on the chest…what would you say?

Never listen to your friends thoughts on an issue, because after all they are not dating him you are. Plus friends and other people have their own dislikes and likes. Perhaps you put too much emphasis on what people think you know? Because in life other things matter like how he treats you, does he make you laugh, do you find him interesting, his goals and dreams. Fifty is not really old anymore the age thing has really changed a lot, because people are living longer and plus, they are no longer dictated to by what society wants them to do in order to follow the rules. We make our own rules now. Make yours. And I reckon nothing is cast in stone so even if he was young you might go off him or not!

He shaves his head off? Ow.

This is a tuff question. My SO is 11 years my senior and between a 21 year old and a 32 year old people think we’re pretty nuts. But you know when it feels right. If you have doubts, don’t ignore them; they are there for a reason. Listen to your gut and weigh your options, you know the answer deep-down, you just have to find it ^.^

@erichw1504 : I was thinking the same thing! Hehe

@Just_Justine thanks, this is so greta and true, and I am aware that I put too much emphasis on society rules, but I still can’t help it, look at me, I am now asking your permission, all of you.. but still: I have this problem that I feel like everyone should think it is ok for me to do it…

Of course you should.Don’t let your friend’s ideas determine your choices.

@TreeHugger you just answered your own question! You would be the decider! Life is about choices and it would be, “your call!”

There may be more to it if you can’t “find that feeling” towards him again. It is still early in your relationship. If you don’t “feel” it anymore, you don’t need to explain or justify yourself. If you still feel drawn to him after giving yourself permission to walk away without judging your motives, then maybe there is more there you need to investigate.

@Just_Justine and @BoBo1946 see?!! its people like @erichw1504 that I fear from

@TreeHugger loll..hey, you are the boss on this one!

@Judi thank’s, this is also a side of it I am considering, and all of this considering is the problem if you ask me..
I can for sure tell from the past, that when I don’t want a men, I am repulsed by the thought he would touch me, and I am excited to think of it with him, I believe we can share something very speciaql, but I dont know if it just in my head..

btw, I’m 63 and been dating a girl that is 54 for over a year. We are doing great! And, I don’t feel like 63, don’t look like 63, and that would be the rest of story!

@TreeHugger well there is that “I wonder if I made the right choice he has grey hairs on his chest” and then there is the “ewwwwwwwww” feeling. So if it is the ew feeling it’s over! but you can get that with anyone at anytime at any age lol

@BoBo1946 thanks. I dated a guy who is 42 just recently, up to that extent I found it a plus, he was mature, as opposed to younger men, who were relly guys..
but this is streching my opency level…

@Just_Justine, well, it’s definitly the “I wonder if I made the right choice” and definitly not the “eww”, what would you say?

You can’t judge him by his appearance. If you really love him then you must really accept him the way he is.

If all it took was one conversation with a “superficial” friend to have you second guessing a relationship with this man I say you should probably cut and run. You aren’t doing him any favors by sticking around.

What is it about what your friend said that gives you pause? I’d explore that. I mean, it’s not like any of us get any younger. Is it fears about your own aging? Or wondering if he’d be around to see a child to adulthood? Also, ask yourself what you are looking for, ultimately; a long-term relationship? Someone to have fun with once in a while? A fling?

—@TreeHugger then if there is no ew factor be a trend setter show the little girls that big boys are the deal heh heh! plus you are very attractive, so people might say “oooh she’s doing it!” Then society will idealize you no doubt.—

@Silhouette you tough chick! but I get your point, all of your points, I could have read it in my own words asking the question, I want to continue the relationship, but I am stuck in the external and in seeking confirmation, my life story..

I dated old guys when I was 25 and 30— it was fun and some of them were very sexy- I didn’t have friends saying stuff. I had a great time.

You like him, what’s the problem? If you look at my answers on questions about a 20 year old dating a 40 year old you will see I am very negative about that situation, but you are 31, which is totally different to me, you are not a young kid, you know what you are getting into. I think the age difference is fine as long as you really like him and it doesn’t bother you. The problem is…it does seem to bother you, you can’t get it out of your head. Have you introduced him to anyone else besides this vain friend of yours? Maybe getting a little positive feedback would help, although it shouldn’t really matter. My friends who emphasize looks when they are dating are ALL single or divorced. I know that doesn’t really prove anythng, but just sayin’.

I would go on a couple more dates and see how you feel. Go with your gut, not the other voices in your head.

@Just_Justine You are great!! thank you so much!

My husband is turning 40 next week. I’m 24.

I often joke that I tried to marry an older man so I’d have someone my age – and I should have shot for twenty, instead of settling for 16 years difference.

The age difference has never been a problem, except in the minds of other people. And yes, other people’s incessant mouths can cause you to question things that otherwise wouldn’t be a problem. Stupid peer pressure. Stupid American ideals of youth and beauty.

I met my husband when I was 19. I’m sorry, but I had no interest in putting up with a guy my numerical age, when all the ones I knew were just out of high school, living with their mommies, and still unconvinced showering was a daily task to accomplish.

it does not say much for you that you let your girlfriend’s off-hand comment put you off this man.

You would have trouble standing up to the pressures of outside relationships comments, looks, etc.

What kind of partner would you be if you are so easily swayed by what others think? I think this guy should run not walk away from you.

@marinelife I think people come here t share their private thoughts and need not be judged? agreed?

Not long after I had passed 50, and in the third or fourth year of my separation from my wife, I met a young woman not even half my age on the internet (yeah, yeah, I know… I know) who came on to me. (Really, hold the hoots and hollers.)

We were on a discussion forum a lot like this one, but without the avatars. Just text-based, except there was an area for photos separate from the text. Anyway, since I didn’t have a photo up, she told me straight out that she liked me just for my writing. I put that off. I wasn’t interested in a girl who was only a year or two older than my daughter, even though the attention was flattering.

She persisted. This was really getting interesting. Especially so when we started writing to each other “off the board”, and I learned over time that she was really serious about her interest, and her interest had grown beyond just “intellectual curiosity”. I sent her a photo to disabuse her of any notion that I was age-appropriate for her… and she redoubled her pursuit.

I still assumed (I may have been born at night, but not last night) that she was pursuing me because I represented some kind of financial stability to her. And that was when I learned that she was (honest to gosh) an heiress. She had just matured into a $3 million trust fund set up in her name when her father had died in an industrial accident soon after her birth. She could have been my sugar honey.

By the time she finally broke through my final defenses and was making plans to visit (she’s in Texas, and I’m in New England) ... she learned that she was pregnant with her FWB’s child. She changed her mind about everything, stayed home, had the child… and I guess I dodged a bullet. I could not have handled being a stepfather to a toddler at my age now.

But my advice to you is go for it. You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow; enjoy today.

@TreeHugger No matter which way you go, the guy won’t be getting any younger. He will probably loose all his hair, his butt is probably already saggy and if it’s a problem now it’s only going to get worse. Unless you can get to the point where it is one of the things you LOVE about the guy instead of something you overlook about him, the relationship is doomed and very unfair to both of you.

@CyanoticWasp

Holycow! What a story!

…and with $3 million, I think I could have found a way to work through the baby thing. ^_^ Just sayin’.

@Seek_Kolinahr LOLL

@Seek_Kolinahr I sometimes wonder if I’d be older than I am now if we had met, or younger. It’s an interesting question.

I apologize in advance I have not read all the responses… I say go for it. If you find him attractive and he has a good personality… what else is there? one day you’ll be 50 too. Just make sure looks isnt all he’s in it for, so you dont get hurt!

My boyfriend is 23, my relationship before him (only lasted 4,5 mths) was 50. i am thirty. I never think of age until it becomes a problem…It is strange but both men were mature in their own ways…My 23yr old more than the 50 yr old in many ways and vice versa. It is all about what makes you feel comfortable. remember we cant have it all even if we would like to. I sometimes think why oh why did a 23 yr old come in to my life but he did. The reason of course that i have doubts is because I am 30 and of course am semi thinking of kids etc…The 50 yrd old already had kids and wow i mean i wish that i was with a guy my age it would make so many things easier but my boufriend makes me so happy everyday. I have had so many negative comments and at times it made me exactly like you and thoughtful and mostly doubtful, then i realised that i dont want to live in the future of what might be, what if we break up, what if i want kids and he wont then blah blah blah, i want to live for today and for now. If he makes you happy RIGHT NOW then live it. Dont think about tomorrow, about your friends, about what society decides is right or wrong because then you WILL be unhappy….
Live the moment…and most of all relax and have fun!

@Silhouette “OUCH” that saggy butt comment was brutal!! I will be 50 in just over 2 months and my butt is far from saggy and I can runs circles around most guys 10 years younger than me!! <<huffs off>>

There are things you can do for a saggy butt, but most of them are expensive and involve anesthesia.

@Cruiser hahaha funny- I rather think the bum is the last thing to go when it comes to men

@trailsillustrated I am afraid to ask what the first is to go! :O LOL!

A friend of mine is 26 and her boyfriend is 46. I see nothing wrong with it, so I think you should go for it! There have been plenty of people who have expressed disdain for my friend’s relationship, but it’s not about what everyone around her thinks and feels, it’s what SHE thinks and feels, and she’s pretty darn happy with him. :)

You should absolutely go for it – it’s hard to shake off all those things we grew up learning but do it for love.

I think your friend just took the shine off of the initial exciting phase for you and you are feeling some understandable disappointment. I mean, that first stage never repeats itself and she kind of ruined it for you.

Whether you can get through this disappointment and get to a place where you remember why you like him and can get to a place where you have enough affection for him that these small things don’t bother you, I don’t know. If you love someone, they start to look quite attractive to you, flaws and all. (I once gave in and dated a guy I thought was very unattractive. I fell in love with everything else about him and his looks stopped mattering – in fact, I decided he was pretty cute.)

wow, you guys are amazing, thank you so much, thank you for sharing these stories, they make wonderful examples, you have really helped me get through this.
I will go for it. I like him, we share the important things. besides, I didnt mention it because to me it didn’t matter, but in all this time I am a recently divorced woman, and am not looking for anything to go on really long and stable, he is also not available for such, and that is perfect for me. We will not want to have kids and I will not have to watch him grow old. Besides that, he runs 60 killometer marathons, his daily run is “just” 10 (like 6–7 miles), no saggy butts will be involved i’m sure.. this is really about peer pressure, and as @Supacase said, my friend ruined, unintentionally, the magical mysterious part, and gave me a good lesson about myself.
I will go for it, that makes me happy.
Thank you all, I can’t believe how much it helped to ask people I dont know @ all from around the world, and what intresting stories it brought up.
Really, thank you for giving me of your time and experience!

—@Cruiser I only have one old man butt to go by and my mans butt started sagging about the same time mine did. Early 50’s and gravity got our asses.:o)

@TreeHugger ; now if he’s married, that’s another question all together.

Lets clear the air and here is an answer from a man 66 years old. i do not look my age outside, either. i can pass for 45. but inside, i know better. things ache and hurt now that never did before. i am not downing the 50 year old guy, but i tell it like it is. you are 31 and apparently in good physical condition as well as looking good. you have been blessed. honestly, i seriously doubt if the 50 year old guy could ever keep up with you, if you know what i mean. i could be entirely wrong and i hope that i am. finally, only you can make this decision. you know what you feel in your heart. do not let other change your mind. this guy could have come along late in both of your lives for a reason. i would weigh all of the facts involved here. if you are willing to cope with his aches and pains, then i say go for it. cupid has cast his arrow and its landed in your heart for him. you may not find another person like this, ever, in your lifetime. take the ball and run with it. just make sure he keeps his shirt on.

thanks @Judi, no marrige is involved. But he has his obligations, and that’s right for me.

fuck it! jus do it! it seems like he earned your attention. out of all the men in the world he is the one plucking at your heart strings.

Dump him and choose me. I am 27 only and I look even younger.

@Silhouette…must mean those River Dance Classes I take are paying off!! ;-D

@Seek_Kolinahr ; happy birthday to your hubby! Yep- age doesn’t matter with the wife and I . bot of us are 47 and have friends going back as young as 29 but all of us have the same values! We have been referred to as a “Klan” because we are so close and openly display our affection all the time!

@Cruiser You’re lucky, all I got for my River Dancing efforts was this video…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ2nVL1-XFk I’m the one on the far right the old man is to my left.

@Silhouette You are so much better a dancer than I <<golf clap>>

@Cruiser Thanks, I’d rather have a tight bum like you. :D

@Cruiser if you looked at my husband from the waist down, you’d think he was 26 lol

I’m 31, my boyfriend is 43, I have been with older men as well. Age is a number. What does it matter what your friends think? They are not the ones who is with him. you obviously like yourself very much, so if it doesn’t work out you’ll find someone new!, but seriously, age is just that, age.

Dear people of the world, I went for it, it was somehow made possible that we meet today, and we did. It was so much fun, Having laid down my worries and defense walls, I found out I really care for this man, and I am very attracted to him, depite his being un-ideal,. I was actually always like that, able to feel towards the person, and not the superficial, but I had this problem with what others would think.
I had a really good time, he is great, supportive, and cares very much for me aswell. thanks for helping me out, I feel so much better. actually I feel sooo goooood

@TreeHugger, well, be careful of that feeling of well-being. He could still have drugged you, you know.

I mean, have fun and all, but be wary just the same.

@TreeHugger sigh! wish I could get that old romantic feeling back!

@Silhouette & @Cruiser <clearing my throat> watching you two!