How does one develop a thicker skin?

A few more days on fluther and your skin should be as thick as a buffalo hide.

But seriously, as long as you can handle being taken advantage of, lied to and friendless in your industry, why change?

There’s nothing in the characterization of an honest, caring and kind person that says you have to allow maltreatment—of yourself or anyone else you come in contact with. I’d tell my boss (if I were you) that if being left behind means that I get left with people more or less like myself, then what would be the attraction in “getting ahead”? I’d just as soon hang with you, @Just_Justine.

@CyanoticWasp good point that, you’re right!

It’s people like you that keep us from sinking back into the swamp. Clone yourself.

I think @CyanoticWasp nailed it. Not much to add, but just be you. Maybe if the field you are in is so anti-thetical to your nature, you should look for a different line of work; social work, teaching or librarianship spring to mind.

You could consider changing industries rather than becoming tough and uncaring. Your boss is wrong. it is not the only way.

What industry are you in? I say f&#k those horrible people!! Getting ahead should not mean you have to lie and not care about others. Someone once told me I should get the book “The Secret Handshake.” I never read it, but it is how to get ahead in the corporate world. Maybe that will give you some insight, rather than doing away with your integrity altogether, if that is what you are looking for in the end. Here is a link to Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Handshake-Mastering-Politics-Business/dp/B0000DAOHM I might read it myself now that you have reminded me about it.

A kind heart, a caring personality… what more could you want. Don’t even try to change yourself. We need more of your sort in the world!!

@Just_Justine Most jobs I have had people helped each other and worked as a team. It is possible it is not your industry but the specific workgroup or company you are in. But, true, some industries are awful.

@CyanoticWasp I wish I could word that into a beautiful phrase what you said, it would make a great inspirational mail circular?

@JLeslie yes you are so right I studied to be a social worker, I am stuck in finance its too late now for me to change very sadly

@Just_Justine Not too late. Statistically most adults have three major career changes. How old are you? Do you have your MSW? I gotta say some many social work careers would probably be very psychologically difficult for you, because you might see so much sadness. Do you say too late because you make a good salary in finance, and it would be a difficult financial step back to switch? I see in your future combining the too. Maybe financial planning for the elderly, or be a liason of some sort between lawyers, doctors, and family members managing coordinating their health care. I don’t know, just throwing stuff out there. I obviously don’t really know your interests. I will say this, health care generally is not team oriented in large institutions like hospitals, from what I have seen. It is very task oriented, everyone do their task and don’t ask me to help with anything else. Kind of union minded.

There’s nothing wrong with the way you are, but your boss is right regarding being caring in professional life.Most of the time people judge your kindness as your weakness and make you an easy target.No need to develop a thick skin,but have a hard shell around you within which you could rest secured.Don’t let anyone know that you are caring.Just care for those who deserve like that blind man playing piano by efforts.If you are concerned about him playing in the parking lot,just direct your efforts in a way to bring him back to the center of the mall,but never let anyone know that you care for him.In todays society all evil is let loose and they won’t leave a sneak of a chance to put you down.Hence, try and care by efforts without making your emotions break out.The society we live in, has a hope because of people like you,but you need to be a little tactful with your care and affection.Best wishes.

Change your life direction! I agree with @marinelife
your traits can be put to better use elsewhere.

@JLeslie I never completed my degree, I went as far as psych Major and soc wk II. But I have had to support myself so studies fell by the way side. I am in South Africa, so here you pretty much work or die. I got quite “well known in finance” hate the subject but did well I guess because I can manage relationships (I call on brokers). I am 47 I live alone hate my job and have many unrequited dreams and strengths I should have used but have not. I just figure that is life

@engineeristerminatorisWOLV I am going to talk to the centre. It so sad I get tearful even now. He plays beautifully. It was the most desolate scene I have seen in a long time. Does he even know he is there? and who the heck would give him a tip there? he may play all day. I am going to do something about it tomorrow. its just wrong. Besides I shop there so my vote counts. ??

@Just_Justine Well, some of that is life, many of us see a path not taken when looking back. I am very unfamiliar with South Africa, you say work or die, do you think it is different than other countries? I had assumed you were much younger, so I don’t think I have any wise words for you, seeing as you know how life works at the age of 47. Will you be able to retire young, and maybe work at something more fufilling?

@JLeslie I was born in the UK so know for eg. studies can be obtained free or subsidised here you pay. There are no grants for studies, nor welfare at all. So say I had no job, I would have no home, no grants, no medical grant, nothing. There is no special housing for late students or unemployed people. Unless of course you are black you follow? In careers and industry over 35 you are too old to change so you stick with what you know as you are known. All jobs here give affirmative action meaning black first coloured then indian finally white, most of my friends have had to imigrate to get a job – I have lived n UK, Canada, Zimbabwe now S.A.

Work in a call center… That will really develop a jadedness to you.

—@Tenpinmaster ouch, that is where I started my career in finance not good, not good.

@Just_Justine Interesting. Just out of curiousity does everyone work in SA? The Republicans argue that our welfare system in the US allows people to be lazy. But, you should know you can no longer be on welfare ongoing in the US, but you can get food stamps and other help.

Who is coloured? What ethnicity? And, does Indian mean indigenous/native? You probably know that coloured is a term we used for blacks years ago, and now we use blck or African American, but we also use people of color, for anyone who isn’t caucasian.

One last question, if you don’t mind, I am always interested in other countries and cultures. Which country have you liked living in best so far?

If you can’t think of changing careers, it is possible that there is a firm or boss with values more in line with yours. My husband owns an insurance agency, and while the stereotype of insurance agents is very bad, he is a very humane, ethical and liberal person whose employees love working for him. Not all people in an industry are exactly the same is the point I am trying to make.

@JLeslie funny how countries are different hey! here we use black which is acceptable to blacks, they find “people of colour” hilarious!! so you have blacks who are african, coloured who are mixed race, and indian is an interesting story. As zillions of Indians left India seeking a better life here in S.A. so they are taken as part of our ethnic considerations. So because you have for e.g. 6 millions blacks the ratio for black employment has to be higher, plus grants. Then coloured then Indians. Its a demographic thing. Whites are given no grants nor special treatment at all. Oddly though for a once very racist country we are a pretty understanding bunch all round. As we understand how the groups mentioned were treated in the past.

—@janbb good point and certainly one to consider you have my brain going here, I am having an aha! moment. Because I am doing quite well where I am, I can look around. So thanks yes that is an option. I call on brokers though, which means I sell products to brokers not the public. Bit cut throat. I tried being a broker but it didn’t work my network was too poor and you know commission only so I nearly went bankrupt!—

@JLeslie sorry I didn’t answer you question fully, yes every one works. Or seeks a rich partner!!

@Just_Justine All of my black friends prefer black, rather than African American, but I always ask what someone prefers and use that when in thir company. Pretty much on all government forms we now use African American and it is seen as being PC to use the term also.

Now here is a story you will really appreciate…

I had a neighbor who was considering enrolling her son in a new magnet elementary school (magnets are public schools that have specialized programs). The school has a quoto, holding spaces for minority children in the county. The students apply by lottery, meaning you put your name in and if you get lucky they pick you out of hat basically, but for minorities you had almost a guarantee, because the area is very white. Anyway, my neighbor checked the box African American to give her child a better chance. She is a cute, white, blond, barby doll of a woman, BUT she is South African, came to the states when she was in her teens. I always found it odd that somehow people in the US have decided that being from the continent of Africa means you’re black.

@Just_Justine Good. I think sometimes we get ourselves into thinking we’re more trapped than we are. Small changes – like working for a different boss – can make a big improvement in your life.

That is what I mean when I said “It is possible it is not your industry but the specific workgroup or company you are in” basically what @janbb is saying. I am glad she got you thinking. I really believe you can be happier, I hope you can find a better job/fit with your personality.

@JLeslie that story is hilarious!!! as I guess she had residency so she was african american too funny and rather clever I’d say!! typical South African style

@Just_Justine Glad you enjoyed it. Feel free to tell the story. I use it as an example of how ridiculous it all is.

@Just_Justine : I understand your concern and I appreciate your compassion for the poor guy.It’s just wrong to put the guy in the parking lot.I don’t know whose decision it was to put him there, but whoever he is,he’s just pathetic.

My answer is indifference… no matter what happens, if you are indifferent to the outcome, you are good. Take it for what it is worth. Cynical view by lowering your expectations to zero, and be pleasantly suprised when things work out your way. That way, you will never be disappointed. Find peace and contet wihin, no matter what your adversity, and you will always be happy,

Don’t try to toughen up, the world and the people in it will take care of that for you. Cling unto your innocence and your empathy just don’t let it break your heart. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.”

@Silhouette My sentiments exactly!!

Don’t change yourself, change your job!