Would it be rude or unprofessional of me to ask my boss not to celebrate my birthday this year?

(((hugs)))

I don’t think it’s rude at all. They might even think they’re being helpful, or not even know it was your mothers birthday. I’d tell someone you’re close to at work, so they can make sure no one makes a fuss. Or if you think telling your boss is the route to go, then go for it. I’m so sorry. I imagine it’s quite difficult.

I think you can definitely ask them not to celebrate it this year. If it were me, I would tell at least some of them – if not all – the reason why. I’m sure everyone will be very understanding.

This is a tricky, sensitive situation. I don’t think your desire itself is rude (sometimes people ask how to do rude things politely, and the answer is always there is no such way – this is not the case with you), however if you handle this poorly, it could turn out rude/unprofessional, so be careful.

Is it possible you could take the day off? You are in mourning, and a sensitive day is coming up – could you not ask to have it to yourself, to spend privately, as you wish to?

If this is not possible, I think if you ask them to skip your birthday in a tone that is quiet, perhaps with downcast eyes, with the sense that this is not a joke and you’re asking them to respect your wishes – your sadness, really – then it should be fine.

If you think it may be a problem amongst some staff (you know, some people always bring a present when you tell them it’s not that kind of party), speak with this to your boss privately and ask him to support you and spread the word.

Just don’t be accusatory, keep your words and focus entirely on yourself (“I” statements), and you should be fine.

I agree with @nicobanks. Ask for the day off, and explain it exactly as you did in your question—that you and your mother share a birthday, and the thought of celebrating what is normally a shared day for the two of you is more than you feel you can bear since the loss is so recent. You appreciate people that people may want to cheer you up, but really, will have the opposite effect.

Tell your boss the issues you are dealing with. There is nothing unprofessional about it.
If you can, take the day off. Dealing with my Mom’s first birthday following her death was terrible for me.

I don’t think it is rude and I would find it difficult to think it is rude no matter how you approach it. “Mom and I shared a birthday and this year is going to be hard on me. I would appreciate it if not celebrating it this year.”

I agree with all of the above. If your coworkers are the kind of people who can’t let an occasion pass without some kind of acknowledgment, maybe request to your boss that instead of a cake, card, and office party, they make a donation in you and your mother’s name to the charity of your choice. That way, they don’t feel like they are ignoring your birthday and you don’t have to go through a public celebration of something that is too emotional for you.

It’s not rude at all, don’t be worried about it. The donation idea is wonderful though.

The donation is a great idea simply for the fact that people will feel like they need to do something. Asking people not to acknowledge your b-day is perfectly ok and understandable. But… I can readily believe that there will be those who feel like they need to do something. Nothing against this, it’s human nature. Giving a donation will relieve that feeling and keep you out of the limelight at the same time. Bravo Zulu @MissAusten .

blushing

If anyone does not appreciate your situation enough to respect your wishes all I can say is they have the sensitivity of a brick.

Your senario is a perfect example why the work place should not be a place for social activities. I mean not everyone wants to get touchy feely with their boss their work place, so even without your case, ...it is no place for it. It makes co-workers feel obligated, and they don’t want to be singled out as the “cold fish” etc. There are enough pressures in life.
2)What is one of the first things institutions ask in order to verify who you are, your birthdate. So why would you want everyone to know it.
But to answer your direct question, I can’t imagine people wouldn’t undertand if you just told them exactly your situation. “I am still mourning my mother’s death, I am not up to celebrating my birthday this year.”

I think it’s nice that they do that, and they do it for you, so if you don’t want them to, with the same kindness that they show on all other birthdays they will do the same, and ignore it just for you.

Not rude. Not unprofessional.

It might be helpful for your coworkers if you offered your coworkers an alternative (such as the donation mentioned above) or perhaps they could offer community service or plant a tree or do something that you’re interested. Such as:

“Mr. Boss… I’ve been thinking about my upcoming birthday. I know that it is the custom in our office to celebrate together, but since my mother died” (or maybe just “this year”) “I would prefer to not celebrate. If people wanted to do something, perhaps they could make a donation to the L.A. cat shelter” (or insert other option here). “Thanks for understanding.”

Not like you couldn’t come up with that on your own… I just felt like being wordy.