Does it make sense to feel further from people after talking to them?

I don’t like opening up to people I know. I’ve alwanted to talk to a therapist because I know it will be confidential and I don’t know them so I wouldn’t care what they thought of me anyways.

It does make sense because when people are too touchy feely at times I get annoyed. Or if someone is saying something I don’t want to know or hear I feel more distant from them. I think it’s because I want to avoid another similar conversation. In order to alleviate the ache I would try just having normal conversations not talking about my problems with someone regularly to build a stronger relationship with the person until I felt more comfortable having conversations about an issue I’m currently having. Start simple then get into the complicated conversations, it will get easier with time.

just be yourself….open up to them the way you want to…i am sure they will understand and listen with open ears. After all they are your friends and that is what good friends are for

I’m reading a book on mindfulness. It says that when you feel bad, the last thing you should do is try to attack the problem as we normally do, with analysis and whatnot. That just inflames the problem, and then it is worse, so we try even harder to fix it, which makes us think about it more and brings it more to our attention, and there is this inflationary spiral to depression.

The alternative, they say, is to break this spiral by not paying attention to it. Do other stuff. Don’t be obsessing about it all the time. Take a walk. See a movie. Hang with friends. Talk about other things. Read about mindfulness. Anything other than poking at the wound and inflaming it further.

Your friends are well-meaning, but they don’t know they are making it worse. They don’t believe that talking about it makes it worse. So they poke and prod and get insulted when you tell them it doesn’t help.

My idea is that instead of talking, counter-offer. Say you need to have fun. Could we go this or that? Get them focused on fun, and they won’t be pushing so much, and you’ll heal faster. You are lucky. You have friends. (I don’t—not in real life). Channel their energy right, and you’ll do well.

I only have one thing that keeps my mind away from it’s obsessions: writing. If I write fast enough, my stomach calms down. When I stop, and start thinking about it, my stomach turns tight and stuck with glue. I need a fucking friend!

Do you feel more distanced from them because you don’t feel like they “get” what’s going on with you?

When some people feel down, they have a natural tendency to push others away (I know, because I’m one of them). Some people do better resolving issues on their own. You shouldn’t feel bad about that. Just explain to your friends what you need from them right now, and hopefully they’ll be understanding.

@lostjelly
Do you have a DSM category or other for your condition? There may be a distinct reason why you feel that way or how you can address it.

Some “issues” are better shared with a therapist.

Why? – the issue has no effect on their social situation.

Could you speak with your mother about a compulsion to steal? It would affect her negatively, and your relationship may change.

Imagine necrophilia. – that surely would be gossiped about.

A therapist is sometimes the better choice for certain issues. There are more likely to be objective, and effective than family or friends. This is thier field. Relatives may be poorly equiped to master certain developemental social challenges, which is why you also struggle, there is no functioning example in your peer group.

Just a thought. I really have no insight as to the nature of the “issues” here, just that you are not sharing it.

Understandably, they will be hurt, attemps at nurturance and help are being rejectected.

Remember however. Always trust and seek to understand your first impulse, It may not be a good choice, but it’s your feelings, and a damn good place to start.

I suspect part of you knows that divulging the issue will be adverse at this time. After you have come to adapt, it may be better at a latter time.

A good therapist will also be able to tell if I am trying to blow smoke up your ass. (probably not, but I simply don’t know the situation)

Although you say you have a hard time opening up to them, maybe you should just be honest and tell them that you do still want to talk to them, but opening up to others about your problems is hard for you. Just remember that even if you feel pressured, they have good intentions and they want to help you.

And, in answer to the original question, I can relate to what you’re saying. Opening up to others can make us feel more lonely, especially if they don’t seem to relate to the problems that are troubling us. Also, confiding in friends about our problems has its limits as a therapeutic technique, because they can’t solve our troubles or take away our pain. With that said, it can still be good to talk to friends, because we can at least be comforted with the knowledge that someone cares.

It makes sense to me. The closer I get to people the more distant I feel. My attachment to my self is based on a kind of twisted control that I don’t quite understand.