Have you ever been rejected by someone?

brush it off

Yeah, that’s a norm for the average male on a dating scene. It doesn’t bother me anymore, but it has only bothered me a few times when it was a really gorgeous woman that turned out being extremely ignorant and dumb. Or when you think you would’ve been a good match with someone, but you were both at different times in your life and it wouldn’t have worked anyways.

Yes by my family they didn’t want me so….. i got adopted

It depends on what part of me is feeling invalidated – it happens once in a while and I feel hurt…I deal with it by talking through it with those that love me.

its stings for a day or so then it’s forgotten

Who me? Whatever would make you think that?

I suffer. Suffer some more. My stomach clenches up. I think over and over what went wrong. How could I have misread things so much? Why do I always put myself in positions where women walk all over me? Why am I so desperate? It goes on for months, usually. It gradually fades, except that my self esteem takes another dip. Although, at this point, it hardly matters. What is negative infinity minus one?

I only ever asked out one boy who told me I wasn’t his type. What I didn’t remember is in the class we had together (my senior year of HS), our teach had half the seats one way and half opposing the others to ease discussion and I was forced to look at him embarrassed every single day since we sat directly across from each other. I was beyond mortified.

If you are talking about being rejected by a prospective partner, not that I can recall.
Other people, mean kids, ignorant teens– yep. I’ve learned that they’re the ones with the problem, not me.

It used to happen more often when I was a kid, since I was chunky, and the new kid, and I wore glasses and I read too much. It hurt at first, but then you develop a firm belief that the other person is the one missing out while you go about enjoying the folks who do accept you.

Aw, I’d cry in my room.

I thought that what other people thought of me was a more accurate assessment of who I was than what I thought of myself, so if someone rejected me, that meant I wasn’t a worthwhile person. Their rejection of me had to be all my fault because I’m a shitty person somehow, and they saw it, so they did the right thing. I mean, other people can see awful stuff about me and my character that I want to hide from myself because I have a big ego, right?

Isn’t that sad? But it’s how people think unless they get enough positive thoughts to stop such self-hatred in its’ tracks. Only in the last few months have I been dismantling this process and stopping myself from putting anyone on a pedestal, thinking other people are better than me, and that someone else’s rejection is something I’m to take so damn personally.

I think everyone has been rejected at one time or another. I’ve only been once, and I was super young. I just laughed about it and we stayed really good friends. Ha ha.

Sure. It happens to everyone sometime. It stings, and sometimes it fucking burns, but we all get over it in time. :)

@Cheeseball451 I don’t think I’d look at it that way at all.

@aprilsimnel It makes me so happy to read your last paragraph!

@Cheeseball451 do you really know that is what happened, or just your perception of it? Could it be that your mother/father couldn’t keep you for whatever reason, and thought it best to do what they did?

My sister has been rejecting me for the past 15 years. I’ve gotten pretty used to it.

Yes but as I realize the true depth of my condition I realize that I have always put myself in positions that avoid rejection. I decided at one point that I would allow myself to be rejected or left but realized that I just shifted to create a situation where I was only apparently rejected but I just precipitated it.

I told this burglar that he was under arrest and to hit the pavement. he rejected my orders and he paid dearly for it. no problem.

It’s super lame. When I was younger I’d obsess over what I did wrong or how I looked after rejection…and for an only child that’s second only to being ignored as a tantrum starter.
In my old age (30 years, 29 days), I’m exponentially wiser and something has clicked. I realized that all those sayings about not being able to control what others think of you were absolutely true. That’s taken most of the self-doubt away.
In other words, $?&@ ‘em.

@kikibirdjones
Could be just the tip of the iceberg that you stand on.

@seventhsense ??

@seventhsense. Not so much ?? as ohhhh??

@kikibirdjones
It’s subtle and has multiple layers. It’s like leaving home. You do it for the rest of your life. Hard to express adequately. I’m probably just projecting.

Of course. Two guys. At the time it wasn’t so great. Especially the first guy who left me. That was really really awful. I mean he just ignored me one day. And that was it. Terrible. And the second guy…It didn’t feel as bad.

I think of you as a sister. Translation: You’re ugly.

There’s a slight difference in our ages. Translation: You’re ugly.

I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. Translation: You’re ugly.

My life is too complicated right now. Translation: You’re ugly.

I’ve got a girlfriend. Translation: You’re ugly.

I don’t date women where I work. Translation: You’re ugly.

It’s not you, it’s me. Translation: You’re ugly.

I’m concentrating on my career. Translation: You’re ugly.

I’m celibate. Translation: You’re ugly.

Let’s be friends. Translation: You’re sinfully ugly.

I don’t know if it is possible to compare the impact of rejection on different people. I always feel like it throws me more than other people. Others seem to have some resiliency—maybe self-esteem. There’s the powerlessness I feel. There’s nothing I can do or say to the person who rejected me. I don’t even know what I want. Maybe some hint that I am not the horrid person they make me out to be. Or an honest explanation. But I guess they don’t owe anything. Some people can pick up and move on, and others get stuck, sometimes forever.

@Cheeseball451, I was pretty openly rejected by my BM too, early on, and my BF doesn’t know that I exist. I may not understand 100% how you feel, but I have a pretty good idea, I think. It’s OK. Whatever, however such a thing happened, please remember that it had absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. It wasn’t because of anything you said, did, was or are.

Sometimes, people can’t cope with the issues having a child brings up for them, especially if they themselves were hurt as kids. There are people who aren’t emotionally or mentally equipped to care for their child in the way that that child needs. There are people in your life who love you. I found that to be the case for me, even if those people weren’t and aren’t from my family of origin. Hang in there. If no one else accepts you, accept yourself.

You have a right to be here and to be who you are without feeling bad about yourself for existing, or about how your parents did or didn’t treat you. There is nothing to be ashamed of. OK? I hope you can talk to someone who can help you sort out your feelings and help you to come to some sort of understanding so that you can do what you want in this life.

@BoBo1946
You remind me of a saucer: Translation you’re shallow

@BoBo1946 – Actually the translation should be something more along the lines of “I like you but I’m not sexually attracted to you,” not “You’re ugly.”

The last time I was rejected was particularly painful. I didn’t see it coming. One day she was really into me, and the next she told me to get the hell out of her life. No real reason. Not even the courtesy of a phone call. Just told me I was unhealthy for her and have a nice life. It made no sense to me, and, in fact, had a really bad impact on me. Bad sleep. Negative thoughts. Depression. Everything.

Then I realized that I was letting her ruin my life, and I didn’t have to do it. Gradually, I realized that it was all her problem and her loss, but I wasn’t really responsible for it. I still got a pang in my heart every time I thought of her, but part of me got a little past it—feeling sorry for her that she had so much shit to deal with.

I was sad for myself, too. I missed her fiercely, and for a long time, I would check my email at every opportunity I had. But nothing. So eventually I stopped doing that, and stopped thinking about her, except at times like this. All I can say is that rejection is a real bitch. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

@BoBo1946 I loved your answer. a million GA’s

@aprilsimnel what’s a BM

birth mother, and BF is birth father

i was just kiddin lol

@trailsillustrated
You wouldn’t love it if you were on the receiving end.